


The Sisters of Ri

by Blue_Sparkle



Series: Sisters of Ri [1]
Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Crossdressing, F/M, sisters pretending to be brothers for safety
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-16
Updated: 2014-03-18
Packaged: 2018-01-01 18:02:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 50,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1046912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blue_Sparkle/pseuds/Blue_Sparkle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Dwarrowdams of Dori's family had disguised themselves as male Dwarves ever since Erebor fell, first for safety on the roads, then to avoid trouble in villages of Men, and somehow it never seemed safe enough to stop. When Thorin called for Dwarves to join on the quest to reclaim their home, Dori and her sisters signed on as the brothers of Ri with no one suspecting a thing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

There were many things Balin had expected to come out of Thorin’s attempt to reclaim their ancient kingdom, things that varied in their optimism and sardonic thoughts about all that could and would go wrong. Of the things that were at the very bottom of Balin’s list of possible outcomes were actually reclaiming Erebor and having the entire company stay alive and falling in love with a pretty merchant. The latter hadn’t featured in any considerations about what could possibly happen, but it wasn’t that surprising once you thought about it.

Dori was a beautiful Dwarf, that much was obvious to anyone and Balin knew not to comment on it. It just wasn’t polite to do with someone who was basically a stranger, and surely Dori heard it from less than proper Dwarves all the time. Balin had admired the merchant’s looks in passing before, and at the very start of the quest, but with only a dozen others for company one couldn’t help but watch him more and more. 

At first Balin had made sure that he was always perfectly courteous to Dori, offering him food first, or helping him with his pony whenever he was near and it wouldn’t be seem like he was prying into Dori’s personal space too much, though he did enjoy those moment he got to be just a little bit closer to him.

Which was why it was later that Balin realized that he wasn’t simply appreciating Dori’s beauty anymore, but was actually starting to be very fond of him too. Dori was a very pleasant fellow to be around, and Balin started to made sure that he was spending as much time in his company as possible, without intruding into the moments Dori spend with his brothers. (Though later on he found that he was welcome to join into that, and that he liked being included in their little family round. Especially Ori was a clever lad and good conversational partner who Balin developed a camaraderie with even without Dori influencing it.)

The general fondness was soon replaced by respect, once he had seen Dori fight and how viciously he mowed down their foes and how protective he was of his family. He liked him more and more with each day he got to talk to him about mundane things, or each time he saw Dori do anything really. The time they spend together turned from being pleasant to being highly enjoyable and the favourite part of every evening.

And Dori seemed to enjoy it too, always with a smile for Balin, just that little bit wider than one would give to be polite, often sitting down by Balin’s side after fetching them food, or stirring his pony so that they would ride side by side. Sometimes he would fuss too, hinting at the state of Balin’s clothes being less than perfect, or mending his things when he noticed something wrong. It wasn’t that different from how he was around his brothers, and unlike them Balin never complaint, enjoying the knowledge that Dori actually cared about him like he did about his family.

Dori really was an exceptional Dwarf, and it wasn’t long until Balin realized that it was love and that he wished to court him. It would probably have to wait until after their quest was done, with everyone having more important things on their mind now. And Dori deserved and would certainly like a proper courtship, so Balin decided to wait.

He had no doubt that Dori liked him enough to accept, and there was no real reason why he might decline. Dori might perhaps decide that he did not actually love Balin by the time the courtship would reach the stage in which Dwarf would start to get intimate or marry, but in that case Balin would still have had a wonderful time spent with his intended.

By the time they were approaching Mirkwood Balin started to get doubts about his decision to wait. It was a miracle that they were all still alive, and as soon as they’d enter the forest they’d likely run into danger every few hours. He would not like dying or see Dori die without even getting the chance to tell him all he felt and intended. Of course, he’d prefer to honour Dori with a proper courtship and proposal, and all of it wouldn’t matter anyway if either of them died. 

Still, Balin decided that he could be sappy for once.

He waited for the right opportunity to ask Dori for his hand in marriage or at least time for Balin to try and court him until he decided, asking him for a word in private before leading him a bit away from where the rest of the company started to set up their camp for the night. 

At first Dori’s face had lit up in joy as Balin asked, looking like he was moved to tears. Then his expression changed to sorrow and guilt.

“I am sorry Mister Balin”, he said and glanced towards where the others were. “I would very much like to accept but I simply can’t. Trust me, you wouldn’t want to court one like me anyway.”

“Is there a reason for it? I believe that there is nothing about you that would make me reconsider at this point.”

Dori just shook his head with a pained expression. “I cannot tell you, but I do have my reason to not want to marry _anyone_. I am very fond of you, Mister Balin, but I cannot.”

Balin sighed but gave Dori a small smile as he took his hand in his.

“I respect your wish. But I would hope that you are not against us simply being comrades and friends still.”

Dori looked grateful for that and accepted, so Balin tried his best to not let his disappointment show on his face at all. It wasn’t lack of affection that made Dori decline but there was nothing else Balin knew of that might have explained that behaviour. 

In the following days he would make sure to treat Dori as he had before, just careful not to let any of it seem like he was trying to flirt with him. Sometimes Dori would look at him with a weary uncertainty, and sometimes it seemed like he was trying to come to a decision. 

At times Dori would stare at him with a pained expression, mostly when Balin was helping him with something or trying to have a polite conversation. Each time that happened Balin would quietly reassure him that he had no intentions to try and make him reconsider, and that Dori could stop worrying about having to reject him again. After that he relaxed a little, though the guilt and wistfulness on his face remained.

Balin would not break his promise and actually try and propose again, not unless he figured out what Dori’s reasons were, or unless Dori showed signs of reconsidering. Perhaps he would subtly hint at the offer still standing one day, and perhaps Dori would be the one to ask the next time. Right now it wasn’t urgent and there really were other things to deal with; yet even so Balin didn’t give up the hope that one day he would at least understand Dori, and maybe there _would_ be a courtship in the distant future. For now there was nothing to be done about it, but Balin was patient and more than fine with waiting, no matter how long it would take.


	2. Chapter 2

Nori was a selfish Dwarf, that much was clear. He was a thief and a liar, someone who kept wandering and was usually to be found in the worst company of criminals and scoundrels of Ered Luin. Dwalin had never gotten the opportunity to really speak to him before the quest, and had only seen him in passing or heard of him when the other guards and inmates ranted or spoke of him. But no Dwarf who chose to steal and poach and just waste everyone’s time with his behaviour could be not selfish. Someone like that would take what he could get and never let an opportunity to gain something pass, would never deny himself a thing even if it was not supposed to be his. That was Nori and Dwalin did not doubt it even for a minute

Dwalin sometimes saw Nori interact with his brothers, giving some of his food to Ori because he liked these best, or helping Dori carry things even though they had already distributed all of their things evenly. Still, Dwalin knew that Nori was a thief, and no thief was ever anything but selfish.

And that didn’t just include actual materials, the way Nori sometimes would watch him, or leer at Dwalin over the camp and swagger around, hips swinging and giving Dwalin a contemplating look. They hadn’t even been on the road for as long as it usually took for most to start contemplating which of their comrades might perhaps be good for sharing their bedroll with, and already Nori was actively trying to seduce Dwalin.

Dwalin didn’t really know what to think of Nori as a person at that point, but there was no denying that he was a very good-looking Dwarf. Not the classic beauty as his older brother was, but he did look nice with his lithe body and elaborately braided hair. 

It was neither a real surprise nor could anyone blame Dwalin when he ended up leaning against a rock, with enough trees, bushes and distance between them and the company for some privacy, while Nori leaned over his lap, Dwalin’s cock in his mouth. He had been very convincing earlier, when he had implied that Dwalin should follow him with a subtle signing right before casually disappearing into the trees. 

And what did the ‘you should know better than to let this be happening now’ matter once you had searched the woods for a while and then suddenly had an armful of thief kissing you deeply and biting your lip? Not much. And any doubts about whether they should be doing this here had escaped Dwalin’s mind once Nori got his hands underneath his tunic and started pushing him to the ground, and his pants down his hips.

The thief took control of the situation, making Dwalin stay still as his small and slender hand fumbled with the laces of his pants and then wrapped around his cock, bringing it to hardness with skilful strokes. At that point Dwalin would have tried to grab Nori by his shirt and pull him closer or pin him to the ground, to see if he could make Nori scream and loose control and maybe to fuck him, if they got to that. Nori didn’t let him get to that though, pushing Dwalin’s hips back down to the ground each time he tried to move, leaning over his lower body.

Dwalin might have tried to fight for dominance, but with the thief switching between slowly licking and sucking at his cock, staring up at him from beneath his lashes, with a mischievous gleam in his eyes, he really couldn’t bring himself to try too much. He was finished way too quickly, after what was way too little time of Nori’s mouth working on him.

Dwalin slid down the rock he had leaned against slightly, trying to find a more comfortable position. Nori leaned back to kneel over him, smirking as he wiped his mouth with his sleeve, looking very pleased with himself.

“Come ‘ere” he muttered and grabbed Nori’s waist to pull him closer, trying to fumble with the straps of his knuckledusters to get them off as soon as possible. 

Nori laughed and slid his fingers over Dwalin’s hands, stilling them. 

“No need for that.”

Dwalin stared up at Nori with an unimpressed expression and let his thumbs move over the buckles of Nori’s belts.

“Whatever else you’re into, these will not feel pleasant against your skin” he grumbled but Nori pushed his hands away again.

“There’s no need for your hands at all, because you won’t be using them.”

“Why not? Let me return the favour.” Dwalin pulled Nori down so that he was lying across his chest. He grabbed at the soft hair on the back of Nori’s head and tugged their faces closer together.

“Or let me fuck you, right here on the ground until you scream, won’t be needing my hands for _that_.”

Nori’s eyes were dark and his swollen lips parted slightly as his breath hitched. For a second Dwalin thought he’d say yes but then Nori just shook his head and tilted it slightly to kiss him, his lips moving against Dwalin’s lazily. 

“I don’t feel like it now” he shrugged and ignored Dwalin’s disbelieving stare. “We can make out some more, but that’s it.”

Dwalin didn’t really mind that, Nori had a very skilled tongue no matter what and where he used it for, but he did wonder why Nori hadn’t wanted him to get him off, as he was so obviously tuned on. Whatever his reasons were, it didn’t matter.

They lay like that for a while, Nori half atop Dwalin as they kissed, letting his hands run over Dwalin’s neck. Each time Dwalin’s own hands would roam anywhere near Nori’s torso or the hem of his shirt or would try to sneak into Nori’s pants, they were firmly pushed away. Eventually Nori’s fingers wrapped around Dwalin’s wrists and he narrowed his eyes.

“You either leave your hands off me or I will just leave and this will not be repeated.”

Dwalin shrugged and placed his hands firmly on Nori’s waist, where he hadn’t complained about it before and took care not to move them any further. They didn’t stay there much longer anyway, with the time they could spend away from the company without getting too obvious growing short. They helped each other get the leaves out of their clothes, Nori pulling Dwalin’s pants back into place and retying the laces as Dwalin carefully straightened his hair where it had escaped their peaks.

As they returned back to the camp from different directions and with some time in-between, Dwalin was already wondering whether it was a one-time thing or if Nori would really like to repeat it all again and maybe want Dwalin to return the favour next time. 

\---

 

At first Dwalin didn’t think anything of Nori’s refusal to have the warrior touch him too much, there were those who didn’t want to as often as others after all, and Nori did occasionally use his hands or mouth on Dwalin, so there really was no reason to complain. 

Eventually it started to nag on Dwalin’s mind though. He wasn’t one for simply taking his pleasure and ignoring his lovers’ needs and Nori seemed to not get off even once during their private moments away from the company, despite being visibly affected and turned on by everything, and sometimes even looking desperate for more. And sometimes Dwalin just wanted to hold him and feel Nori’s skin under his hands for selfish reasons too. Whatever the reason for Nori denying himself was, it was the weirdest form of celibacy Dwalin had ever witnessed. 

Nori _never_ let him come too close to him, though he himself didn’t mind getting his hands underneath Dwalin’s clothes. He would always push Dwalin’s hands away when he started fumbling at the hem of his shirt or try to hold him, though he was anything but prude. Dwalin didn’t understand it and Nori never offered any kind of explanation that would have helped to make sense of it. 

Sometimes Dwalin forgot himself and didn’t realize that his hands were wandering, for which he’d earn a hard stare until he stopped, or Nori bit and scratched until Dwalin let go of him. Sometimes his hands would just get pushed away or Nori would escape his grip and leave (the latter being his favourite thing to do when Dwalin hadn’t found his release yet). Once he snapped and even drew his knives on Dwalin, though that hadn’t even been a moment Dwalin even tried to touch him anywhere he knew Nori wasn’t happy about.

He had noticed how Nori was unusually pale and looked like he was going to be sick and slipped of his pony as soon as he could, to sit hunched at the edge of their camp. Dwalin didn’t know what might be wrong, but he guessed that whatever it was, Nori wouldn’t go to Óin or ask for comfort from anyone, lest the healer noticed. They all did that with anything that wasn’t restricting them.

In an attempt to cheer him up Dwalin had walked over to him to offer some of the booze he kept in his pack, but the second he had placed his hand on Nori’s shoulder the thief had swirled around, flicking knives out of his sleeves to slash at where Dwalin’s fingers had been before barely escaping them.

“I swear, Fundinson, you try to grope me one more time and you’ll end up having to carry these fingers of yours in your pockets!”, he had snarled.

Dwalin had glared at him and thrown him the flask with a shrug.

“Wasn’t going to. I just though you could use some of that, with how pale you are. Go stick these knives up where you got them from.”

Nori had stared down at the flask for a few moments and then up at Dwalin, with a sheepish expression. He had taken the flask after carefully tucking the knives away, and then vaguely gestured for Dwalin to sit down near him. He hadn’t apologized or offered an explanation, but at least that was the only time he had actually pulled his knives and threatened him, and afterwards Dwalin was much more careful about approaching him.

At first Dwalin thought that Nori might just not like being touched at all, because he didn’t enjoy it, because he hated contact in general or because there was something wrong with him? Scars, perhaps, though no Dwarf should ever be ashamed of that, or maybe it was uncomfortable or even painful to have someone touch parts of his body? It would explain it though Dwalin wished Nori would just say so if it was true.

That couldn’t be the reason though, as Dwalin noticed how Nori never seemed to have a problem with being touched by his brothers at all, like having Dori fuss over the state of his jacket, or Ori lean his head against Nori’s chest as they napped. 

And he didn’t mind having Bofur in his personal space either so it couldn’t simply be that Nori only let his family get closer to him. It made Dwalin wonder if somehow it was something about _him_ that had Nori not wanting to be touched. Then why had he chosen him to proposition if that was the case? 

Seeing Nori and Bofur fooling around together was nearly enough to make Dwalin jealous, not that Nori didn’t have the right to be with anyone he liked, but it did fell strange to know that the miner was given liberties that Dwalin did not have, even though he and Nori had been having their little affair. 

Before it really got to him Dwalin witnessed how Nori reacted to Bofur getting too close though, he noticed how Nori still avoided being touched in any way that got to close or intimate. He did it subtly, avoiding Bofur’s hands before they actually got too close to him, and escaping his grip when Bofur got too clingy or flicking his knives in his hand so that he’d not even try approaching at such times. Bofur was loader and more obvious in showing his affections, but once you looked closer Nori didn’t actually tolerate him in his presence more than anyone else besides his brothers.

Somehow seeing that had made Dwalin feel a little better about it, even though not knowing what made Nori behave like he did still bothered him. It wasn’t like Nori was a virgin or saving himself, he didn’t seem the type for such a thing and seemed to have no problem with anything that didn’t involve Dwalin groping him. And there couldn’t be any sort of pressure about it coming from Dori, as he didn’t seem to mind Nori flirting with Dwalin that much, and he’d seen how he and Balin were getting closer too, so that would be just hypocritical.

Nori wouldn’t say anything at all, so Dwalin promised himself to think of _something_ to try and understand or make Nori slip up and explain. 

\--

It was a moonless night and Dwalin could barely see Nori where he was curled into Dwalin’s blankets and bedroll, adjusting occasionally to find the most comfortable position to fall asleep in. Neither of them was tiered, as the way they had travelled during the day had been a fairly easy one. If Nori’d just let him he might have tried to tire them both out with a quick shag, but that was unthinkable with Nori still very particular about where he liked to be touched and Dwalin didn’t want to irritate him now.

With the constant shifting Nori’s hips kept brushing against body, unintentional, perhaps, but it did serve to give Dwalin an idea. He grasped Nori’s waist and pushed him against the ground, grinding his hips down against him.

Nori stirred and made a muffled sound of protest, but Dwalin pressed his weight down on him and muttered “Leave it, I’m not gonna grope or touch you at all, I’ve learned well.” 

He knew that Nori was smirking at that, and there was laughter in his voice.

“What, are you that desperate now? Use a log or something if you’re just going to rut against my legs.”

“Not going to do that either.”

Dwalin wrapped his arms around Nori as much as he could without crushing him and thrust his hips hard enough against Nori’s arse that the smaller Dwarf was slightly pushed to slide over the blankets. He repeated the motion a couple of times, hearing the soft noise that meant that Nori was laughing quietly while he still moved his hips a little to meat Dwalin’s in rhythm. 

Leaning forward Dwalin nuzzled against the back of Nori’s neck, biting and sucking on the soft skin until he heard a hitched breath and soft moans and the thief started to writhe around as much as he could, trapped beneath Dwalin’s weight. There would be hickies the next day but each time Nori tried to shift away Dwalin would find a new spot to bite and Nori would forget all about his protests for a little while.

Once Nori was sufficiently distracted Dwalin moved his lips over his neck to nibble at his earlobe and growl into his ear.

“See, I could fuck you right here in this bedroll, wouldn’t you like that? If you’d let me I could tear your clothes off and see how much it will take to make you slip and scream until the others hear.”

Nori’s breath came out harsher than before, his hands clinging to the bedroll so hard that his knuckles stood out white, bracing himself against Dwalin’s thrusting. 

“You don’t want me to actually touch you, all right, but what about imagining it instead? My hands all over your skin, I could bring you off like that. Or do you want my tongue instead, like you did for me so nicely? Wouldn’t you like that? Would you rather feel me inside you? Do you think you could take it?”

Dwalin wasn’t really hoping that Nori would reconsider his rules, though Nori made a whimpering sound and turned his head to look up at Dwalin as well as he could in their positions. His eyes were wide and desperate and for a second it looked like he was about to twist around in Dwalin’s arms and give him permission to do what he had hoped for so long.

Then he closed his eyes and shifted back to bite the blankets with a frustrated groan. Dwalin humped against his tense form, trying to get more friction out of it and Nori kept rubbing his hips against the ground in a similar way. He could have asked Dwalin to take care of that, but still he clung to his resolve. Dwalin wouldn’t have thought that he’d be the kind of Dwarf to do such things if there was a personal gain to be had from breaking resolves or promises. 

It didn’t take long for Dwalin to finish and he released Nori from the grip he had held him in as soon as he came with a groan and squeeze of his arms that made Nori cry out quietly. Nori didn’t move as Dwalin made an attempt to clean the mess he’s made in his breeches and he still was lying face down with his fists clenched around the blankets when Dwalin made himself comfortable for the night.

He didn’t sleep for quite a while, always drifting off and finding himself in a half-conscious state. Nori didn’t do much better, shifting around the bedroll more than usual, twisting around and making soft frustrated noises. Once or twice Dwalin was sure that Nori was fingering at the edge of his pants, but each time he dropped his hand with a quiet groan. It wasn’t nice to be as frustrated as Nori was at that moment, and yet Dwalin couldn’t help the smirk as he lay and listened to the rustling of the blankets behind his back.

\--

The next morning was a cool one and when Dwalin woke up Nori was still dozing curled up in more than half of their blankets. He looked positively cute like that, with his hair falling into his face, lips slightly parted and his clothes wrinkled. Also not a thing Dwalin had ever thought he’d think of Nori.

He leaned down to kiss him softly and that was what made Nori stir and crack an eye open slightly. With a little pout and a stifled yawn he scooted closer to where Dwalin had slept and the bedroll was warmer.

“Yer a real bastard, you know that?” he mumbled sleepily.

Dwalin laughed and brushed some of the strands of hair back into Nori’s peaks. “I have been told so on several occasions.”

He watched Nori atempting to fall back asleep for a while, trying to suppress the fond smile that threatened to appear on his lips, sure that he wasn’t entirely succeeding with that. He should wake Nori and then start helping to prepare the breakfast and the next day of journeying, but he looked so comfortable lying there and nobody else had really gotten up yet either.

He didn’t have to do anything though, Nori didn’t really like lying around and not doing anything, and the ground wasn’t _that_ comfortable anyway, so soon he started to push the blankets off his shoulders and leaned on his elbows.

“Ah, are we the first ones again?” he started to complain as he glanced towards where everyone else’s bedrolls where. “Should we go and get them to rise or-“

Nori cut himself off sharply, eyes widening as he stared straight ahead, not focused on anything. He stayed in that position for a little while longer and then made a small “ _oh_ ” before dropping and pressing his torso and belly against the blankets. Dwalin was about to tease him about how he was the one to laze around when he saw the look of terror on Nori’s face.

“What is it?” Dwalin leaned closer, concerned. Nori’s entire body seemed to tense up and he seemed to try and push himself as flush against the ground as possible. When Dwalin tried to put a hand on his back to rub it in a soothing motion Nori nearly jolted away from the brush of his fingers.

“Don’t… don’t touch me at all, please”, he gritted out, a look of utter mortification on his face.

“Are you hurt? Should I fetch Óin?”

Nori’s head shook frantically at that so Dwalin sat and watched him for a while, unsure about what to do or why Nori was acting the way he did. Nori didn’t move for a while, his eyes darting from Dwalin to the company occasionally. Sometimes he would shift or put weight on his arms as if to get up, but each time he just ended up pressing harder against the ground.

“Do you need anything?”

“No, no just…”

Nori bit his lip and shook his head again. He glanced up at Dwalin and then started pulling one of the blankets towards closer. Dwalin watched him awkwardly wrap it all around his body while trying not to break contact to the ground in the process. As soon as he had done that he darted up and dashed off towards the company before Dwalin could stop him, looking around for the bedrolls.

He kneeled down by Dori’s side, shaking him awake and then quietly saying something to him, gesturing wildly with one hand and clutching the blankets to his chest with the other. Dori seemed to take a while to understand what his brother was saying but then his expression shifted to annoyance and he got up to grab his pack and lead Nori away by his elbow. 

Dwalin didn’t see where they’d gone to, but the rest of the company was beginning to get up so he couldn’t lie around and wait for Nori to return.

When the brothers came back to camp Nori looked strangely sombre, and didn’t approach Dwalin anymore. Dori didn’t seem to frown at Dwalin more than he had before, so it wasn’t likely that something had happened to make Nori decide to leave him be, but he too looked gloomy.

From that day on Nori seemed to be even more careful to casually avoid being touched, so much so that the others nearly started noticing the change, and only then did he loosen up again, forcing himself to behave normally. The exception was Dwalin, Nori wouldn’t let _him_ get closer at all. He would talk all right, but each time Dwalin would walk too close, or sit down too close or even try to casually touch his hand or shoulder Nori would look at him with a pained expression and move away.

They were right at the edge of Mirkwood, having a break to let the ponies rest and have dinner, when Dwalin finally decided to confront Nori about the matter and lead him away out of earshot of everyone else.

“You must admit that you are behaving strangely, and that is fine by me, whatever your reasons are. But this whole business with not wanting anyone to touch you and then throwing yourself at me anyway was already bad enough. Can’t you at least give me some explanation?”

Nori leaned against a tree; possibly his way of trying to look casual but the way he held his shoulders and subtly edged away from Dwalin spoke volumes of his nervousness. His lips were pressed together in a tight line, and he wouldn’t meet his eye

“Whatever it is, it can’t be that bad, and I promise I won’t mind it.” Dwalin clenched his hands to fists and forced them to relax again, whishing he knew what to say to make Nori understand that he already liked him enough to put up with a great deal of things and complications. “I just want to understand what’s going on?”

Nori bit his lip and his expression darkened.

“I would tell you. I _would_ let you know perhaps, and let you touch me if you wanted to. But it’s not… it’s just not.”

He waved his hands about and then glared at Dwalin.

“It’s not just about _me_. I couldn’t care less if it were just me, but I will not tell you anything as it is. I am sorry, you should just leave me be and find someone else to screw around with.”

He pushed himself off the tree and was about to walk away, and Dwalin really wished he could touch his wrist without having him dart away even quicker, just to tell him that he really didn’t want to. Nori looked back and gave him a sad smile.

“I _like_ you, Dwalin. Really, just… I can’t. Maybe… maybe one day once we have Erebor. We could talk about it then, but just not now.”

Nori seemed uncharacteristically nervous as he said that, with him usually being so sure of himself and confident in anything, the change to looking up at Dwalin with an insecure expression and some wistfulness was even more evident.

Dwalin watched him walk back to the camp, towards Dori who looked up at his brother with a concerned and understanding expression, as if he knew what had happened. 

His fist crashed into the tree before he really formed the conscious thought of doing so, sending splinters of bark flying. It wasn’t fair, he didn’t understand what kind of thing would make anyone act that way, and he really did not relish the thought of keeping away from Nori completely. Not just because of the rejection, which had stung much more than he’d expected it to. Maybe…

Dwalin looked to where the edge of Mirkwood’s trees hid the Lonely Mountain from view. Maybe one day he would understand. It did not matter, he would just have to be patient and wait for the day Nori decided he could trust him with whatever secret he was keeping.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there you go, Nori and Dwalin not knowing what to do either  
> *hides away*


	3. Chapter 3

Ori never had problems pretending to be a boy, or make people not question anything about her behaviour. She knew that Nori was very good at that, only ever allowing herself to dress like a Dam when she was far far away from Ered Luin and her sisters, she knew that Dori had much experience in it all but still was very nervous about being discovered, especially when they had lived close to the villages and towns of Men, or when they were traveling. Ori had never known a life where she didn’t have to do that and she never knew if all the things she did daily might seem difficult if she had know how it was to be a lass.

It might be easier for her than for Dori, what with her being small for her age and still gawky so that she actually _did_ look boyish. She would probably look awkward and not even remotely pretty if she tried to wear nicer clothes or dresses at this point. Dressing up nicely would also draw more attention to her than she really wanted. Nori was the same with that, though she claimed to never be a good looking Dwarowdam and would stick to what she was wearing anyway, while Ori would still grow into it, just like Dori had. 

Ori dared to doubt that, as the view times she had watched Dori stand in front of an old mirror, in their mother’s old dress and jewellery, she had looked breathtakingly beautiful and Ori had whished she could tell the other children just how pretty her older sister was. Or that she had sisters at all. She had asked Dori about it then, seeing the wistful expression on her face and wondering why someone who could be so pretty would want to dress like a not _quite_ as pretty Dwarf all the time.

She had been too young for a real explanation then, but Dori had promised her that they would dare dropping their traveling disguise, once they had their proper kingdom back, or once they could return to Erebor. It would be safe then, Dori had promised, and she wouldn’t have to force Ori to hide. 

Ori didn’t mind it, she was sure that the way she was dressing and behaving wouldn’t change at all, and she had long ago stopped worrying whether all she was just came form the disguise. Braiding her hair in a feminine style or wearing a tunic with a different cut wouldn’t change anything and wouldn’t make a difference to Ori’s happiness. Though perhaps the tunic would, all dresses of their mother Ori had ever tried on were rather uncomfortable, despite how Dori claimed that she’d need new garments and ones tailored for her.

The only thing that would be easier was that there would be no consequences to accidentally revealing that she was a Dwarrowdam, none would question the honesty of three sisters lying to their own kind for so long, it wouldn’t be a problem to have someone touch her casually and maybe feel that her chest wasn’t quite as flat as expected. There also would be a lot less awkward situations happening to her.

The princes of the line of Durin had been nice enough to her, treating her like anyone else, though perhaps more casual and not quite as polite as the others, as they assumed that she was just another lad and younger than them at that, someone who might be a friend. Ori hadn’t talked that much to them, and soon they grew bored, unsure of how to have any fun with her.

They still treated her all right, making an effort to show her that she was included. Or that _he_ was included. They did treat her roughly, always hitting her arms in what might be considered friendly clasps around young Dwarves but was nearly enough to throw a still growing and tiny Dwarrowdam of her pony. They would joke and _gossip_ and tease Ori, and she just knew that Dori or any other parent or sibling of a lass would interfere and berate Fíli and Kíli for their behaviour.

Ori didn’t mind, she had often been treated more rough than she would have been if people knew that she was a tiny girl. She hadn’t often been around boys her age though, or at least not in groups where there wasn’t at least one girl, so sometimes she was shocked at how rude the princes would get to each other in good humour.

She developed the habit of hiding most of her face with her scarf, so that they wouldn’t see her blush all the time and take her for some very prude and stuck-up scribe who was to good for their rowdy behaviour. Sometimes it wasn’t easy to act normal, like the time she had sat down a little away from the camp, reading through her notes while there still was enough daylight, leaning against a tree.

She was so engrossed in her notebook that she hadn’t noticed Kíli approaching. He looked tired and his shirt and hair were ruffled, like he had actually managed to fall asleep for a little. Before Ori cold reply to his mumbled greeting or ask him whether he had come for her, he had walked over to the bushes right beside Ori’s tree and stuck his hand inside his pants, clumsily undoing the laces with the other.

Ori’s eyes widened and she barely repressed a surprised shriek, quickly turning to look back at her writing and _not_ at what Kíli was doing there. 

“Y-you shouldn’t go alone i-if you need to… if you need to use the bushes” she muttered.

“Wha-? You’re here, and I won’t be wandering off holding hands with someone each time I need to take a piss.” Ori could see Kíli watching her from the corner of her eyes, and she was aware how weird her behaviour must look to him. She still kept her eyes fixed on the pages, fighting every urge to try and be casual and maybe risk a glance. What did boys do anyway, when they were in a state of undress around each other? Did they look away casually, or was it ok to look? How was she supposed to know, this wasn’t a situation she had ever found herself in, and Dori had never seen fit to teach her. 

Kíli was still standing there, even after he finished, and she knew that he was watching her, too. Her cheeks grew hotter by the second, she didn’t know what to do to seem casual to him now, or what he expected of her. It was really awkward, any moment now and he would ask her about it, and she didn’t know what she’d reply and if he started to suspect a thing…

Nori called her name that moment, and Ori jumped up and dashed away as soon as she could, grateful for an excuse to leave and that Kíli wouldn’t even get an opportunity to ask if he did suspect something strange.

“Thank you” she whispered as she reached Nori and got a bowl of stew handed to her. Nori grinned and ruffled her hair gently. 

“I won’t tell Dori that your honour must be defended” she replied with a wink and a look towards where Kíli was slowly making his way back. “Unless you have lost your innocence in more ways than just seeing what you weren’t supposed to.”

Ori felt her cheeks turn crimson again and swatted Nori’s hands away.

“’s nothing like that, I was just caught of guard, that’s all.”

Nori sniggered like she didn’t really believe a word of that, but let it be. She let Ori sit by her side as they ate, getting her knives out to sharpen them as soon as she had finished with her food. Ori knew that this was her way of keeping others from approaching her, flicking and juggling the blades each time someone tried to approach her, and right now the only one to keep away were the princes. With any luck there wouldn’t be any awkward moment at all, and even if it was just in Ori’s head, Nori would make sure that she had enough time to calm down.

Ori was grateful for that too. Nori didn’t always let her get close as much as she did when they were at home and in privacy, but that evening she even let Ori lean against her until she fell asleep. 

\---

The next few days were uneventful as far as potential embarrassments went, Kíli would talk to Ori like nothing unusual happened, and she was able to relax a little. Mister Balin had started to ride alongside her more often now, so she had someone to talk about her craft and tell her stories about Erebor and its library. At first he had only talked to her that much when Dori was around, but later on Ori warmed up and found that she liked him well enough.

Nori would snigger and point out how smitten Balin was with their older sister, and they both had some fun trying to determine whether Dori would actually show any interest in him either. Ori was sure that there might be an actual little romance developing, Dori seemed pleased about the attention and got less fussy than she had ever been around people showing interest. Nori claimed that it would never work out, that Dori would find increasingly silly reasons why it wasn’t proper or why Balin wasn’t suitable for anything more than a harmless flirt.

Keen to prove her sister wrong Ori started spending her time watching them interact, while pretending to work on her journal. There were more opportunities for it, with them setting up the camp while it was still light outside, and nobody had made her do too many chores or join in on their sparring.

Balin didn’t join in, leaving the ‘younger lads’ to do as they pleased, and Dori had never liked sparring anyway, even if there were no danger of being discovered as a Dam in it. It gave Ori ample of opportunities to observe her sister and Balin, trying to figure out whether it was Dori’s ‘I am pleased to be treated respectfully and in such a polite manner’ smile, or the ‘actually more than just a little flattered by the attention’ blush she was seeing.

She wasn’t sure enough to go and convince Nori of it yet, so Ori tried to focus on it as much as she could, trying to ignore the company’s distractions and the noises they all made. The constant crashing of metal and wood, along with the grunts and the yells about bets proved too much to be ignored, even for someone who lived with two constantly quarrelling sisters.

Adjusting her neglected sketchbook on her lap Ori turned her head to make out the source of the ruckus, regretting the movement nearly immediately. It was hard to tear her eyes away and actually focus on her oldest sister once she caught a glimpse of what was going on.

Ori had never seen anyone doing any real sparring, with Dori keeping her away from any place they’d happen and Nori’s practicing of her knife wielding being solitary and never a full display of her skills. 

Seeing Dwalin and Fíli strike at each other with their axes and swords respectively and at full force was impressive in itself, but both of them had taken off their jackets and furs, leaving both in just their tunic, and Fíli in what Ori suspected might have been his undershirt, she wasn’t sure and she certainly didn’t want to know. Either way, the material was very light, sticking to his skin in all the right places and half transparent in others.

Usually something like that might have made Ori want to grab her charcoals and draw all of the fluent and powerful movements, observe the way the muscles moved under his skin and even at the distance she could only marvel at how strong and precise each of the movements Fíli made were, and how nice he looked in general. It still made her want to capture the movement on paper, but even while her fingers itched for the coal she felt like she’d much rather run her fingers over skin and feel the muscles actually _move_ under her hand instead of just putting it on paper.

The thought made Ori’s cheeks flush and she felt as if her stomach had just made a summersault. She quickly turned her face back towards the paper, praying that none had seen her staring and blushing, or that they’d at least not make the connection. 

She tried to keep her eyes down, or to look back towards Dori, but now that she knew what the distracting noise was she couldn’t ignore it at all, and having her older sister possibly looking at her right now would simply be too mortifying. Dori always seemed to know what Ori was thinking about, so she’d rather not risk that.

The sound of weapons ended before Ori managed to regain her composure enough to act like all was fine, and against her better judgement she just had to glance back up.

The sparring had evidently ended, Dwalin gestured around a bit, explain what mistakes had been made or what Fíli should train more perhaps, and then he made off towards the nearby river. Fíli remained, stretching his arms and brushing away the strands of hair that had escaped their braids and stuck to his forehead.

He stood around for a while before rolling his shoulders, a movement Ori’s eyes seemed to get stuck to watching, and walking towards the bush he had put his things under, reaching down to carefully put his swords back and get his waterskin out of his bag.

It really wasn’t proper to stare at all, and Ori herself would certainly have gotten nervous from the attention, but she still watched on as Fíli wiped his face dry and then opened the water to take a long drink, and even from where she was sitting she had a good view on his exposed neck and how its muscles jumped as he drank.

The view mesmerized her and at some point she even stopped imagining how it all would look like as a sketch, simply enjoying watching. Fíli put down the water and looked down at his things, and then he turned his head and stared right back at her.

Ori nearly shrieked from the shock and embarrassment about being caught and quickly returned her attention to her book. The tips of her ears were burning in shame and she sincerely hoped that Fíli wouldn’t think she had been staring as much as she actually had.

Minutes passed, and she carefully glanced up to see that Fíli had walked over to where the others were sitting, and he was watching _her_ now, meeting her eyes as soon as she looked up. Ori felt her cheeks heat up even more and she closed her notebooks with shaky fingers, stuffing her tools back into her bag much less carefully than usual, and Fíli was _still_ looking her way when she glanced his direction. 

It was all so damn embarrassing, she wouldn’t be able to face Fíli if he thought she was creepy like that, and even if she actually were brave enough to compliment him or even… Nori would never let her hear the end of it but at least she’d know what to do.

Ori got up quickly and tried to walk slowly and _not _as if she was trying to get away from Fíli’s stare, desperate for a talk with her sister and bracing herself for being teased about having ‘boy problems’.__

Nori had been lying on some rocks before, enjoying the sun, and she still was there, adjusting her knifebelt. She had just jumped down from the rock and was about to walk away and disappear between the bushes and trees around the campsite when Ori caught up with her. 

“Nori!” she hissed as her steps grew quicker and she was nearly running the last bit of the distance between them. 

“What is it?” Nori sounded a little annoyed at Ori walking up to her, and she didn’t often was bothered by her younger sister. 

“I need to talk to you, please, it’s… I have a little issue here.” 

Ori bit her lip, unsure about how to put it into words without sounding silly. She wasn’t stupid, and figuring out ‘boy problems’ couldn’t be the hardest thing to do after all, and Nori _would_ tease her. 

“Is it important? Or urgent?” Nori turned back, though she still seemed to want to walk away, she focused on her sibling. 

“Well” Ori risked a glance towards the company and fidgeted with her mittens. “Not really urgent, but I do need some advice-“ 

“Go ask Dori then, or wait till the evening, I’m a little busy now”, Nori replied, fidgeting with the knives in her belt impatiently. 

“I’d rather have _your_ opinion-“ Ori muttered but Nori had already disappeared. She groaned and trotted back to join Balin and Dori, doing her very best to pretend she didn’t see Fíli, and now also Kíli, looking her way the entire time. 

It went well till it was dinner time, she managed to ignore the blush that crept into her face each time she noticed one of them or thought back to staring at either, and by the time Nori reappeared and sat down next to her Ori actually was able to act as if it was nothing and also brush of Nori’s apologies and insist that her problem had resolved itself anyway. 

\--- 

Somehow Ori wasn’t sure whether Fíli actually commenting on her staring in a rude way wouldn’t have been better than the teasing the brothers turned to instead. 

It _might_ have been by chance, but before neither Fíli not Kíli had gone out of their way to ride next to or at least near her as much as they did now, and neither had they settled down by her side every time Nori and Dori hadn’t occupied the space already. It was nice, to some extend, and they’d help her pack her things and brought her feathers they assumed would work as a quill. 

Ori was a little suspicious of their motives and whether it wasn’t all for a prank, but she managed to behave as she always had and not let on that she was nervous about the attention or pleased by the help. 

Of course, it’d be so nice if that was it, but no, when Fíli and Kíli weren’t actually fussing around her, they still seemed to make sure to do things where she could see and things that made her all flustered when she did inevitably end up staring. 

It wasn’t that warm in the evenings for Fíli to doff his coat and sometimes his tunic during their rest, and always do this in front of her, and there was no reason for Kíli to dress down to his trousers to mend some tears in his clothes and then just forget to put something on before walking up to Ori for a talk and startling her out of her thoughts. 

And sparring so close to where she was sitting, even though they had been considerate about her wanting some quiet while writing her journal. 

And calling for her to join them in a waterfight while the company was bathing in a river, even though she had already stated that she’d go with Dori and later. 

It would have been nice, if they weren’t watching her back while doing so. They always had that look when they did things likely to make Ori get all flustered, as if they were paying attention to her reaction and tried to judge it. Sometimes they’d have that stupid and entirely _not_ pretty smile on their faces, nearly a leer really. 

It was making Ori nearly nervous enough to go ask Nori for help, but she didn’t seem to be feeling too well at the worst of it, and truly, Ori knew that Nori would make the princes stop their behaviour permanently, and she wasn’t sure if she really wanted that either. There was also Dori, but she might be much less subtle than Nori, and cause a scene or get the brothers to stay away completely, and _that_ would be much worse than having to deal with her cheeks being red constantly. 

No, she would either ignore it or learn to deal with her won problems, she couldn’t always rely on her sisters when interaction with anyone didn’t go as smoothly as she liked or made her nervous, Ori was grown up, she would actually be allowed to not hide anymore soon, she might even grown to be a proper Dwarrowdam yet, it wouldn’t do to hide behind figurative skirts all her life. 

Just as she bravely decided to get her courage together, and not only solve everything on her own, but also think up something to say to the princes about the matter, they made a move and beat her to it. 

They would reach Mirkwood sometime next day, and as they were still passing through Beorn’s lands the company felt relatively safe and spread up their camp more than they would have before. Ori had picker herself a nice corner, sheltered by the trunk of some old tree and some bushes, but not too far away from the rest. She had taken a lamp with her and would read through her notes, where Dori wasn’t there to see and scold her about staying up too long. 

Just as she had settled on her bedroll and made herself comfortable with her book there was a rustling in the leaves and Fíli and Kíli appeared and sat down on either side of her before she could protest. 

“What are you doing here?” Ori managed to ask scolding herself for how silly he sounded even before she finished the sentence. She sat up a little straighter as the princes scooted closer, so both of them where pressed against her from hip to shoulder. 

“Nothing in particular” Fíli shrugged and gave her a charming little smile. “Just wondering where you were on this fine night.” 

“Wouldn’t you get bored on your own?” Kíli’s arm snuck around Ori’s waist. “Or scared away from everyone. Or did you want some… privacy.” 

“I just wanted to…” Ori tried to think of something to get them to go away without sounding rude, or have them stay but stop teasing her like they did now. 

Fíli’s hand was on her shoulder now, holding her tight and his fingers softly brushing over the material of her shirt and the little bit of neck that wasn’t covered by her scarf. He had calluses and his skin was very warm, making Ori fight to suppress a shudder anyway. 

“We could stay and help with whatever it is you need to finish before going to bed” he said, tilting his head to her lap and the book. 

Kíli’s knuckles somehow ended up brushing against Ori’s hair as he leaned in. 

“If you need a helping hand or two, anything’s better than just having your own all the time, right?” 

Beside her Fíli made a small grown and Ori’s cheeks started to heat up for real. 

“I wasn’t going to-“ 

_Quick, make them stop this before it gets embarrassing for everyone!_

“Aren’t we too close to everyone for anything?” 

_Way to go, Ori,_ truly _you are a genius._

She didn’t see the smirks that earned her but she knew they were there, she could practically _feel_ the smug expression on their faces as she tried to hide her face behind her scarf in mortification. 

“Well, you are a quiet one after all.” 

“You underestimate us, we thought about it and there’s no cause to worry.” 

There was a hand on her knee, slowly creeping up her thigh and to the edge of her tunic and Kíli was now nuzzling his nose against her hair. 

“I…” she really didn’t know what to say about it all, it was nice like this, with the brothers pressing against her and with their arms wrapping around her body. 

“So, how about a quick tumble, Ori? Would you like that?” Fíli’s lips brushed against her neck and now she really had to shudder and fight back a soft gasp. “Or not? One of us can go if you don’t want either of us, we wouldn’t leaving you to it-“ 

“No!” Ori’s fingers curled around both their sleeves. “No, stay both of you.” 

She shouldn’t, there were several good reasons why she should be doing this, now, out in the wilderness and with both of the princes, though she supposed there could be way worse methods of making out with someone for the very first time, not that it looked like this would stop at that at the moment. 

It was all the encouragement they needed to start groping her in earnest, Kíli wrapped his arms around her and rubbed both his hips and hands against her legs while Fíli tugged at her collar and scarf, kissing down her neck.

It was more than just a little nice, and soon all Ori could do was to try to keep her soft moans as quiet as she could. She didn’t really know what to do with her hands, she wanted to grab either of the princes, kiss Kíli’s adorable smile or get her hands underneath Fíli’s shirt and run her hands down his body just as she had imagined. 

The brothers didn’t give her much opportunity to do so though, holding her down and their hands all over her, tangling their legs with hers as they all slid down the trunk. She could just let them do what they wanted for now, it was fine by her and she couldn’t make up her mind about what she wanted to do that could possibly be as good as this. 

She didn’t know how much time had passed, but then Kíli’s fingers reached her waistband and Fíli’s hand had worked itself down her neck and towards her chest, and suddenly Ori remembered just why this was the stupidest idea she ever had and why she couldn’t be doing this. 

“Off!” she tried to ask calmly but it came out as a shriek as she jolted up, throwing the princes off. 

“What’s the matter?” Kíli grabbed her sleeve and tilted his head in confusion as Fíli sat up. 

“Did we do something wrong?” He looked a little concerned so Ori shook her head and tried to straighten her scarf with shaky fingers. 

“No, we can’t, I’m s-sorry, I didn’t think-“ 

“Why can’t we, don’t you want to fuck?” 

“Do you think we’ll get into trouble for this?” 

Ori didn’t reply but edged away from them on her knees as she tried to put her clothes in order, and they seemed to take it as a confirmation judging by the annoyance that appeared on both their faces. 

“Do you think Dori will find out? Well, he won’t unless you tell him” Fíli frowned at her and Kíli seemed to pout a little. 

“And even if he does, I don’t care, and you should give a damn about your brother. Don’t you think he’s being doing it with Balin anyway? Nori’s no saint either!” 

The thought of her sisters doing anything or even finding out about her even considering doing what she nearly had made Ori want to hit her head against the nearest tree, but that wasn’t the problem. 

“That’s not it-“ 

“Then what’s the problem? You want this, we want this, neither of us cares about being found out.” 

Ori shook her head again and snatched up her book. 

“I’m sorry-“ she muttered. 

“What for?” Fíli sounded irritated now, and Kíli looked hurt by the rejection. 

Ori opened her mouth to try and say something to pacify them, to explain why she was doing this, but she couldn’t think of anything so she just clutched her book and fled, her resolve to be courageous be damned. 

She managed to find Nori’s bedroll relatively quickly, and she hid inside, curling up into the blankets and waiting for her sister to return from where she was still sitting by the fire. She wouldn’t mind sharing for just one night, and unlike Dori she wouldn’t question anything about her behavior. 

When Nori finally came to sleep, Ori was still awake, and she heard her sister sigh and curl up against her. Ori turned in the narrow space and held onto Nori, who had seemed miserable these past days too. They slept more or less peacefully like that, taking comfort from one another. 

The next day Ori wasn’t sure how to act around the princes. She went to pick up her things where she had left them, and apart from the blankets being a mess they were just as she had set them up the evening before. Neither Fíli nor Kíli came to talk to her about it, and it even seemed like they were actively avoiding her, even more evident after them invading her personal space so much. 

It made her feel sorry for her actions, but there really was no helping it. Fíli still seemed to be irritated, but both he and Kíli glanced at her with hurt in their eyes so it looked like Ori had done more than just hurt their pride. 

She wanted to apologize or explain that it truly wasn’t about them, but she couldn’t think of anything that wouldn’t reveal the truth or seemed adequate for the situation. 

With Mirkwood being so close there really wasn’t time to be thinking about things like that, everyone had more urgent matters on their mind and even so Balin approached her to quietly ask whether something happened between her and the brothers and if she needed help. 

She simply shook her head and he tried to cheer her up instead. 

“I know we’re all on edge, laddie, but perk up, we will be in Erebor soon, and the way from the eastern edge of this forest to the Lonely Mountain is truly beautiful. You will like it.” 

Ori listened to Balin’s descriptions of the place, and while she usually loved to listen to all he got to say she couldn’t really focus on it now. Gripping the reins of her pony she looked towards the treeline looming ahead, and to where Erebor was located. Once they were there, once they were in a safe Kingdom and could stop disguising themselves as Dori would often promise, she might actually go and tell Kíli and Fíli why she had rejected them, and perhaps they could try being together again. 

She just hoped it wouldn’t be too late to safe anything they could have had by the time that happened. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for any mistakes, and I wasn't entirely sure how to write Ori. 
> 
> also I will follow the book canon with further chapters, as this is how I planed the story and adjusting it to the movie would both be too much work and not how I want this to go at all.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there is some talk of women fearing assault and people not feeling comfortable with feminine/masculine clothes but nothing happens, and it's not much

Sometimes Dori wished she could remember Erebor better, or recall all the years that should have been in her memory before she realized that there simply wasn’t that much to remember compared to the years she spend on the road, walking beside her mother or cradling her sister in her lap when they had the luxury of a proper chariot and a pony.

Erebor was a happy time, no need to work all day to only barely make ends meet, no need to fear an ambush or worrying whether the next village might be one they could settle in or not, Erebor was days she could just wear things that were nice and unpractical if she wanted. Erebor was having friends and going to school with them, Erebor was being proud of being the oldest daughter and her sibling being another sweet little girl with whom she could play and gift her old dolls to, Erebor was her mother helping her tie the laces of her new and first proper gown and her father helping her braid jewels into her hair she no longer wore in childish styles. In Erebor Dori was the beautiful and carefree daughter of a small family, not particularly important, but with a good standing and life.

When the dragon came she lost all of it in less than a day. Their father was amongst the first ones to die, burned or crushed as he tried to defend the gates, their mother had barely made it out at all, stumbling through the smoke and the ashes while trying to hold her youngest against her chest and unable to carry the oldest. 

When the Dwarves finally stopped running away from were the dragon raged they were covered in dirt, Dori’s dress was torn, Nori didn’t even have any tears left to cry anymore and her mother tried to fit both of her children underneath her coat. Kori ripped some threads from her sleeves, and then helped Dori get out all the beads and gems she had in her hair, and Dori did the same for her mother, then they carefully tied them to the insides of their clothes, where they wouldn’t get lost.

The first few weeks were terrible, Dori and her mother cut their dresses and tore their sides for easier walking, tying them around their arms in case the material would be needed. Nori had been too young for anything fancy, apart from some cord that held her wild hair together, but she grew tired quick and couldn’t walk as well as the older children, so most of the time it was Dori who carried her, trying to soothe her little sister and try not to think about their father too much. Kori was smiling at them, trying her best to reassure her children that it would be all right, so Dori had to do the same for her sister.

At first they remained with the other Dwarves, their entire people wandering through the lands and hoping that their King might lead them somewhere safe. Soon enough they started to realize that this wouldn’t be happening, there were simply too much Dwarves and there was no place to shelter an entire Kingdom. Some made for the Iron Hills and beyond, but their distant kin wouldn’t be able to welcome _all_ of them. 

There was talk of making for the Blue Mountains and rebuilding the older settlements, but the way was long and would lead through dangerous territory, possibly during the winter months, and even Dori was old enough to understand that with a tiny child in their care Kori wouldn’t want to risk that. It would also take time to find enough space for everyone, and food and supplies. Some Dwarves decided to try their luck in the towns and villages of Men, spreading out for better chances at finding a place, and that sounded like the safer way.

It really was at first, some had been lucky enough to get their livestock out of the mountain and the surrounding area or purchase new ones, meaning there were some with chariots pulled by ponies, goats and the occasional ox. Seeing as Kori was alone and with a young girl and a small child with her, most of the owners took pity on them offered to take them along. It was easier for Nori to be able to rest in a wagon when she couldn’t walk anymore, and she was a little too big to be carried the entire time.

What little food they had was shared among the entire group, and everyone was doing their best to work on making the situation better. Kori had no looms and no wool with her, but she and Dori would help mend torn clothes or cut open what had no use and try make warmer and sturdier things from what they had. Later they could trade it for meat, or for a belt and having their boots repaired by someone who was better at it than them.

As they did so, Dori would often notice that most families they travelled with hadn’t been torn apart, she saw parents with their children, and younger Dwarves who didn’t even have a family of their own yet. She tried not to think too much of it, and her mother wouldn’t speak of their father at all, though she did tug at her braids and cut her beard in a sign of mourning. Dori was too young for that, and with how proud she had been about being able to braid it before Nori would surely notice if it were gone.

Not all they made was traded, Kori purchased a pack and would keep some of the better pieces of cloth in it, along with all tools they’d need in the future, and sometimes broken or faulty metalwork they’d have to repair before selling or using it themselves. Dori’s hands were strong and she had sometimes watched their father in the forge, so she had some skill in fixing the pots and knives they got.

 

Sometimes the group they were in would split and go in different directions, depending on where everyone wanted to try their luck, and sometimes they were joined by other Dwarves, and Kori would grow tense each time that happened, watching the new ones with a wariness.

“There are some who’d take advantage of people in need or in desperate situations. Usurers, thieves and cutthroats” she explained while she tried to cradle Nori to sleep. “We mustn’t think the worst of everyone, but it is always better to be careful.”

When they reached the town they’d try their luck in first, Kori secured a knife on the inside of her coat, and Dori did her best not to think of it, just like she had started to try and ignore way too many things. They found a housekeeper who offered them a fair deal for some of Kori’s coins, getting them a tiny room that might have been uncomfortably small for the Tall Folk but was enough for a Dwarven mother and her two daughters.

There were other Dwarves around, not all from Erebor as it seemed, and Dori stayed in the room as much as she could, looking after Nori who soon stopped being scared and grew bored, mending their clothes and trying to repair all their metalwork without the use of proper tools. Kori couldn’t find proper work, but she did get them food and warmer children’s clothes in exchange of helping the Men with some repairs they had to do on their houses and helping with the washing.

It wasn’t much and it was likely that they were only helped out of pity. Kori sewed the clothes apart and made them fit Dwarves better, she made big pockets on the inside of each coat so that they could carry all that was important easier. After a little while they moved on, on a little chariot pulled by two goats. It was a good one, and only after Dori had helped her mother set up a corner with blankets and furs for Nori did she realize how expensive it must have been in their situation. One of the amethysts in her hairpieces was missing, and she knew that Kori must have traded their jewellery for coin.

They travelled on like this, month after month, from town to town and each time there was hardly any work to be had, and the Men would send them away, sometimes with apologies, sometimes rather rudely as Dori found, but it was all right, they did find enough shelter and rooms to stay in and just enough people to buy food from and materials to mend their clothes or make new ones to sell.

There were whispers the longer they stayed somewhere, whispers Dori couldn’t help but hearing, and it was mostly just the Men, but sometimes it was Dwarves too.

They’d pity Kori for being alone with her children, or speak in condemnation about what she had been thinking, to walk alone without any proper protection from the world out there, she’d just get her children killed like that. Dori wanted to protest, wanted to shout how she was strong enough to protect her sister and that their mother was better at keeping them alive than anyone else could ever dream to be.

They weren’t always treated fairly, and Dori grew bitter but she learned to keep her mouth shut. Sometimes their landlords would come to demand more coin than they were owed, claiming that the presence of the Dwarves was bad, that they broke this or that and that Kori’s brats were disturbing everyone else, which simply wasn’t true, Dori behaved like an adult and was very quiet, and Nori never made any noise, would just run away to play outside and return with her trousers all muddy but not more than the boots of the other patrons. 

Sometimes Dori would overhear some Dwarves approaching her mother, sometimes with propositions that seemed to be rather harmless, sometimes they’d speak sweetly but with a barely disguised threat in their words. They kept telling Kori that she couldn’t expect to get by on her own, that her sweet little children needed someone who took care of them, and sometimes they would leer or look at Dori and Nori with such an expression that Dori wished she could just run away and hide. 

“Thieves, cutthroats and delinquents” Kori would tell Dori when they couldn’t sleep, and Dori was old enough to understand that they weren’t among decent people here, that none would take a lone Dwarrowdam seriously. She was afraid for her mother being hurt and for Nori to be taken away, a small Dwarf child might seem like an easy target after all.

She stopped trying to keep her tunic pretty and lace it up like she used to, so that there would be less attention paid to her, she would wear sturdy jackets that she usually only wore on the road, and she started to braid her hair more neatly and not in the pretty loose coils like she had before. Dori used to be so proud of how comely she was, and she still looked nice when she looked at her reflection in polished metal, but it wasn’t the same.

They decided it was best to try and find some Dwarven settlements soon enough, and made their way towards where Men and Dwarves build their towns close to one another, as Kori figured it be easier to find work there, before they finally managed to reach proper mountains. They stayed longer in these towns, though they made Dori uncomfortable. She ignored the Dwarves that looked untrustworthy, and ignored how her mother now always carried more than one knife or at least her knitting needles with her.

It was scary to walk outside at night, and more than once Dori pleaded Nori to not run off anywhere, to play were Dori could see her at all times. Kori would often return to them, shaken from something and Dori could only guess that there had been comments again, and Dwarves or Men coming too close for comfort, looking for an easy target to rob and exploit. And Kori couldn’t always do anything, not when she feared there was more than one lurking around, or when it was her employers and they needed the money.

There still were some of her fathers jewels stashed away in their clothes, but that was for emergencies and Kori wouldn’t want to risk having to use them and let anyone suspect that she might have more. There were times she was tempted to, Dori knew that. Each time somebody tried to cheat her and not pay her what she was owed, or when she had to settle for less in order to have something to buy food with, or medicine when she or her daughters fell ill.

Sometimes she would sit on their shared bed in the evenings, her clothes ruffled and an expression of absolute misery on her face. Dori knew that this meant she had been mistreated in some way, perhaps somebody had laid hand on her or not given her the money they so desperately needed, but there was nothing she could do to help.

Kori wouldn’t permit Dori to go with her, leaving her oldest child to mind the younger and work on a small loom or on broken pots in their room, but once Dori was old enough to pass for a more or less grown up Dwarf among the humans who didn’t know better, she had to agree that Dori’s help was needed.

Dori had always swallowed her anger, and tried to smile just as her mother did despite her sorrow, but she wanted to be there with Kori, wanted to protect her and she knew she could break the bones of those who dared take advantage of their situation. And surprisingly enough it never really came to that, Dori would shadow her mother and help her with whatever work she had, and while she glared at their employers nobody did a thing.

Kori noticed it too, and it didn’t take them long to figure out that they were left alone by anyone who thought Dori to be a boy. 

“They think you are the head of this family” Kori said one evening. “They know I have no husband, but as the oldest son you’d be the one they respect and wouldn’t want to cross. Picking on someone is easy, when they believe there’s nobody to help.”

It didn’t make sense to Dori, but from that day she would take care to bind her chest so that her breasts appeared flat, and she altered all of her clothes to not only be practical but have a more masculine cut, no longer fitting her curves as nicely as they had before. Men would not be able to tell the difference either way, only recognizing Kori as a woman by her dress being similar to what theirs were wearing, but by the time they had travelled on to the next town Dori had managed to dress up so that even other Dwarves would mistake her for a lad.

With everyone believing that she was the head of the family now, things were a tiny bit easier. Dwarves still disrespected her for being so young, but Dori had always been good at acting older than she was, and along with her strength and polite demeanour she managed to get them to treat her fairly.

Kori didn’t manage to fit in that well, and now and then they would meet Dwarves of Erebor, who were still wandering like they did, so she was recognized, occasionally. Her daughters had a chance with that, none would know that them dressing as men was a disguise. Dori didn’t even try to keep any of her old dresses, the only thing she had left that was in any way feminine were the Jewells her father had made, and she knew she wouldn’t be able to keep those forever either.

Nori was old enough to understand that she could never let anyone know that she wasn’t a boy, and she was young enough for there to be no great difference in appearance yet. It still wasn’t safe, with Kori alone and them being so young, but at least the stares grew less frequent, and being robbed of what little they had became the only major threat they had to fear.

And that was fine, Dori could live with that. She missed Erebor more when she braided her hair tight and neat, missed even the most ragged dresses she had to wear when there was nothing else. Pretending to be male meant a more secure pay for herself and her mother, and it meant safety on the roads and in towns when they didn’t have enough money to find themselves a nicer part of town without too many criminals about. Men took her seriously and Dwarves didn’t get intrusive about them being two adult and unwedded Dwarrowdams.

She hoped that it would be better by the time they reached Ered Luin, surely there they could actually settle down as her mother sometimes considered, and there she might as well wear gowns again. It must be better in Ered Luin, that was were Erebor’s royal family had lead the majority of their Kingdom to after all. The folk living there would be Ereborean, they would respect them as Dwarrowdams had been in the Lonely Mountain, and not as the crude ones, wandering away from proper mountains by choice, tended to.

It was years after the fall of Erebor until the daughters of Kori saw the Blue Mountains for the first time. Kori was tired from a sickness that had lasted all winter, and by spring Dori had managed to safe them enough money to join a caravan without having to reach for their jewels. There still were Ereborians who hadn’t come to settle there yet, and everyone in their company was excited about finally getting to live in a place where only other Dwarves settled, a proper mountain range after years of wandering the flatland.

Dori couldn’t wait either, she knew they’d be able to buy a proper house of their own then, as they wouldn’t actually have to go on traveling anymore, and it would be safe enough to finally put away her traveling clothes and loosen her braids. Nori seemed a little miffed about that prospect though, but she didn’t talk to Dori about it much, just mentioned that being on the road and seeing new places was fun.

Nori had grown so much in these past years, and before Dori and her mother would have loved to watch her grow into a beautiful young woman, now they were just glad she was alive and healthy. Nori was less afraid to actually mingle with other Dwarves, she wasn’t always wondering whether the things she was doing might put her at risk of being exposed as a girl, more confident of her disguise than Dori ever managed to become. She had many friends among the boys they had met on their travels, and in the caravan she got to ride along with some of them. 

There didn’t seem to be any acting involved in that, or at least she never behaved differently from the way she did when only her family was around. Dori figured that she might have made the friends she did even if she were allowed to wear dresses or more feminine braids in her hair. It didn’t matter at this point though, soon enough they would be in a safe place.

Once in Ered Luin Kori found them a merchant that seemed trustworthy, to sell their jewels with a heavy heart. They got a fair deal and by the end of the week Kori had found them a good house, one that had enough room for them to live comfortably and set up looms or tools they might need should they ever have to work inside. There even was some basic furniture the original owner gave them for jsut a few coins more, a sturdy table and some mismatched chairs alongside two beds that would need some fixing, and more wasn’t really required for now.

It should have been a new beginning for Kori and her daughters, should have been the relief of the constant worry on Dori’s mind she had tried to shove away so hard and never let show on her face. There should be no more fearing that her mother would be pursued by some scoundrel who wanted a wife or something like a cheap wench in the worst case, and no fear of anyone finding out about their lie. 

It should have meant that Dori could wear fine dresses with a cut that complimented her generous curves and had lace and silk all over, and more than simple beads as decorations for her hair, even though she now would have to braid them in herself. She had thought of sewing a dress for Nori too, something light and easy to move in, but one that suited a girl just starting to grow into a woman. 

And yet it wasn’t like that at all. The streets were safe as long as one did not wander into the smaller back alleys, and none expected every tiny corner of the city to be overlooked by guardsmen after all, and even at night the city was filled with life and Dwarves that worked the late shifts, unlike the towns of Men where nearly everyone stayed inside. 

But on their walks to explore the area and potential new houses both Kori and Dori noticed that there were enough Dwarves of the sort they always were afraid to cross on the streets. Thieves and thugs and other such dodgy folks, not all of them from Erebor even, and while Dori was sure she was stronger than them should it come to a fight, she was afraid of it actually coming to that.

They hadn’t even found work yet, and Kori worried they might never find one, being strangers nobody knew anything about and should the guardsmen notice them being in the middle or even the cause of a fight, no matter whether it was their fault or not. Best not risk that, or being picked out by criminals for seeming to be an easy target. 

Beside that, Dori worried what would happen to her mother if she were found out to be completely on her own with two daughters, even if the oldest _was_ able to pass as an adult already. Not just that she might not find work, but there also were looks thrown her way, and Kori was still a beautiful and not too old Dwarrowdam, even with her hair turned silver. If not for Dori glowering at her side she might even have found some suitors within her first week, something she didn’t want, even after so many years of being a widow. 

To her dismay Dori realized that there were even looks directed towards _her_ , despite how simple her clothes were and how much she had tried not to look pretty or noticeable. That hadn’t happened since the days of living in Erebor, when other young Dwarrows her age would shyly smile at her, none quite sure how to flirt or react to such a thing properly, all of them carefully starting to entertain the idea of love and being intimate with one another. It might have been flattering still, but Dori really did not have the patience to deal with any such thing now that they had to settle down and might not get another chance if they couldn’t.

She knew it would only grow worse if they knew she was a Dwarrowdam, with enough young men hoping to find themselves a wife and build a family with. It might only be a matter of time till someone would start approaching her with propositions as it was now.

It might be better to just wait for everything to be different, and Kori agreed that her daughters should wait a little longer before actually revealing who they were. 

*-*-*

Settling down in Ered Luin was easier than anywhere else, even though Dori and Kori still were nervous about being found out or encountering problems with their neighbours and employees, Nori didn’t seem to mind too much, she was still fearless about her disguise and never had been afraid of anyone either. 

Kori found work as a weaver and Dori was accepted into the shop of a tinker after demonstrating the skills she already had, while Nori stayed at home to work on repairing the furniture or working on her mother’s handloom. It wasn’t easy, but they made enough with it that even with what little there was to be had on the markets they never grew hungry or cold. 

The times were troubling, with Orc raids and problems in trading for food with the surrounding areas, and the little family was glad about finally living inside of a mountain again.

With her work it was easier for Kori to get her hands on cheaper cloth and soon enough she would spend free evenings sewing new clothes. She made everyone a set of simple tunics and trousers, and eventually a rather nice dress for herself. She started making one for Dori too, though they never finished sewing it. Dori was already happy enough to look into the mirror and see herself in something like that, and Kori stood beside her, smiling and promising that soon enough they would be able to have her dress like this without any danger, and Nori sat in the corner, watching them with awe and uncertainty.

Her younger daughter was reaching adolescence and while she didn’t look much like Kori and Dori with their classical beauty, Nori was already looking rather pretty, if a little thin. She had never gotten to be a girl, and there was very little Nori had been forced to adjust in her appearance and behaviour to never be taken for one by strangers. She might be able to finally be one just when Dori could too.

Kori brought nice blue and plum coloured textiles, cut them in basic shapes and formed a dress in rough stitches, to see what might suit Nori best. Simple as they were, they still looked nice, and very suiting for a young girl, and combined with some hairstyles Dori hadn’t gotten to try for years Nori looked rather fetching like that, and both her mother and sister made sure to tell her.

Nori stood before the mirror, turning a little and staring at her reflection, frowning and biting her lip.

“I don’t look good at all, don’t just say things because you think it’ll make me feel better”, she would mutter over and over, glancing to where her vest and baggy tunic were lying. She didn’t usually act so self-conscious, in fact Dori had seen her standing before that very mirror and grinning at herself full of confidence, or strutting down the street with some of the other children of the area trailing her with admiring expressions.

“My chest is flat, I’m too lean” she would go on, shaking her head when Kori laughed and explained how she was a few decades too young to worry about the lack of curves and that everyone felt a little nervous about how they looked when suddenly changing to nice and formfitting clothes.

Nori refused to even give it a try inside their home, where none would see, and as they didn’t felt safe enough to let Ered Luin know that Kori’s children were daughters none protested when Nori sewed the dresses into tunics and coats and jackets instead.

Weeks passed, then months and still neither Dori nor Kori dared to speak the truth. The world outside the mountains wasn’t truly safe for the Dwarves, and Ered Luin itself was still too young and large a colony for a proper order. There were young Dwarves about, self-proclaimed rangers who helped with protecting travellers from Orcs, and everyone knew that half of them would take your money and abandon you robbed or bleeding out by the side of the road, and they were way too confident inside the city itself. 

“Cutthroats” Kori would say, and she still was afraid of that, more than anything else, except the dragon perhaps. “And thieves, I fear for what they’ll do to us, even with them thinking you a lad it’s not safe.” And Dori agreed. She knew that they only had been left alone so far because they were poor and most thought Dori to be an incredibly polite young man, but also a very strong and skilful fighter. And everyone knew that Dori and her mother were very close, always walking with her on the market and after work, so Kori was left in peace.

They’d go home on evenings when they witnessed a particularly large group of these, or somebody being intimidating and the regular fights between the rangers and the guards. Always Nori was there, working on her little loom, and Dori was glad to have her little sister safe from it all, even if it did cost her some willpower to bind her chest and put on the simple clothes on some days.

Nori still didn’t seem to mind at all, and Kori sometimes watched her daughters with a guilty expression, so Dori smiled and pretended like it was nothing and that it didn’t matter that she couldn’t just wear a dress. What did some discomfort matter if it meant to see herself and her family secure.

Life moved on, and though Dori would always worry about somebody noticing something strange about her and she still felt nervous about some of the Dwarves she encountered, Ered Luin soon started to feel like home. She worked as a tinker, and she was good enough to consider opening her own shop in the future, when she was a little bit more experienced and old enough to be respected as an independent craftsman.

Kori had friends among the other weavers, and Nori too seemed to have some she would spend evenings with. It was nice somehow, but Dori would sometimes lie awake at night and wonder what everyone would think should she decide to live as a woman again. They would perhaps understand why a young mother would choose to hide her daughters like that in the first years and out among the Men, but now they had spend so much time in Ered Luin doing it. 

Wouldn’t it feel like a betrayal of sorts, as if Kori didn’t trust the King’s new settlement to be a safe place for her children? As if they had assume all their friends and acquaintances to be criminals and a danger to them. There were few women as it was, and few would have frowned at Dori and Nori claiming to be wedded to their craft, and it would have been understandable if both Dori and Nori _wanted_ to live as they did as men. But what Kori’s daughters did was different. 

They were secretive about it, they did not trust anyone with the truth of the matter, they deceived Men but now also their own kind. Even if some would understand why Kori disguised her youngest child and why Dori chose to pretend, it still wouldn’t seem all right to the rest. The little house of Ri would be seen as untrustworthy, and it would be so much worse than if they had arrived as a widowed Dwarrowdam with two daughters dressed in rags from the start. They actually had managed to get a good reputation, all of that would be lost if the truth came out.

It worried Dori more than anything, grated at her nerves every time she stood by the chest that held all the dresses, laces and ribbons that might fit her and Kori was too old to even pretend were for her. It might be safe to be a Dwarrowdam in her position now, but not safe for Dori son of Kori to walk out and tell the world that he had been a daughter just pretending all along without trusting anyone. 

And if that wasn’t enough, her mother’s reputation would suffer, too, for she was also in on the lie. And even if Nori decided that she was safer to go on pretending to be a boy, or had the excuse of being too young to not do what her mother asked to, she too might fall into disrepute, with some saying she was a troublemaker already.

In the worst case, all that they had avoided by pretending Kori had a fussy young son would come crashing down on them again. Anyone who had not dared mistreat them in fear of having Kori’s son’s wrath directed at them might seize their chance, they might both loose their work if somebody decided it was no place for a young or unwed Dwarrowdam, they might be seen as an easy target for all sorts of criminals once more, there might be suitors again, or worse. 

It would be selfish to jeopardize all what they had just because Dori wished to wear a dress and braid her hair with loose ribbons. And if the chance of truly dropping the disguise grew slimmer the longer they waited, she would just smile and make sure her mother wouldn’t worry about it.

*-*-*

The year Thror called the Dwarves to War and promised to reclaim their ancient Kingdom in the Misty Mountains was both a happy and a terrifying one for Dori. 

She had started getting nightmares from thinking too about how she never might be able to be herself again without it affecting their lives negatively, and she never told anyone about it. The hope of a new place to live, as the King promised, a _proper_ Kingdom where they could have a new start and be themselves again made Dori glow in happiness and hope. Nori would tease her for it, saying that she was too loyal to the King to be wise, and Dori scoffed and did not bother to explain just why she was so happy about it all.

Both she and Nori were too young to go to War, and both lacked proper training, though some asked Dori if she wanted to join anyway. Many of the rangers that had frightened her so much and were the main reason she hadn’t revealed herself to be a woman when she had the chance, did join however. That too, made Dori glad. The city would surely be a little nicer to be in then, even if it meant that it would be a little deserted until the day everyone returned. 

Kori smiled wistfully as they watched the soldiers march of to form the great dwarven army that would reclaim them a Kingdom, and Dori wondered what it would be like if her father was still here, staying behind maybe, as a veteran of Erebor, or joining in with tokens from his wife and daughters to keep on his march.

Nori just scoffed at all of it, and gave Dori a strange look when she talked of how good it all would be from now on. 

“The streets will be empty though” Dori mentioned to her at one point. “And it will be a little boring with just the young and very old or those who cannot fight. At least nobody dangerous will be about anymore.”

“You think so?” Nori seemed less than happy, but when Dori demanded to know why she was acting so strange about it all, the younger sister just looked at their mother, who was working on her loom nearby, and didn’t say a word.

A few nights later Dori walked in on Nori sitting on the floor of her room, textiles, belts and pieces of leather all around her. At first Dori thought she might be making herself new clothes, as she often did on her own, but then she noticed that Nori was fashioning herself a weapons’ harness, and that the belts were to be strapped around her chest and thighs, with attached sheaths perfect to hide knives in.

“Do you really think that there will be dangerous people about?” Dori asked, worried and stepped closer to watch her sister work. “Enough that you think you will need knives to feel safe and have them think they can’t get to you?”

Nori just looked up at her, pale eyes serious and her face lacking her usual smirk.

“Yes” she said, her voice matter-of-fact. “But I don’t need this knives to feel safe. I need them so that they think me the most dangerous of them all.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *hides away*  
> this was supposed to be _one_ backstory chapter, but I had to divide it as it was getting too long. it was harder to write than usual and I'm really unsure about this one, most of this goes against all my usual Dwarf head canons.   
>  either way, this, and possible the next two chapters are Dori point of view, we will return to the actual quest later on


	5. Chapter 5

Despite all the hopes Dori had had for the future, and even just the time during which Khazad-dûm was to be reclaimed, and despite how she just _knew_ that Nori often talked silly things, it did get worse. 

So many of the friends she had made during their life in Ered Luin weren’t there anymore, most she’d known to go with their King, had seen them prepare and talk about the battles. Others she had no idea would even consider it. The markets were smaller, and there hardly were any young people about anymore, apart from some Dwarves and Dwarrowdams who had small children to take care of. 

It was strange at first, but not bad, with everybody still very excited about the prospect of the glory and victory their people yearned for. Working in the shop and meeting new Dwarves, who went instead of their younger relatives who usually did the work, or seeing those who were always accompanied by someone on their own. Dori tried to ignore the feeling of dread that slowly was creeping into her heart, the though that not all might return from the battles, that there would be those nobody would ever see again, just like it had happened in Erebor so long ago.

Still, it would be a glorious death, and there would be feasts later on, all mourning and commemorating them in their oldest halls none living even remembered anymore. 

It seemed as if the places one would want to avoid at night started to grow mere weeks after the campaign had started, with all of the dodgy figures Dori felt uncomfortable around growing bolder. They weren’t really doing anything yet, just loitering about and strutting around as if they own these streets.

“There aren’t many guards left” Nori explained one day as they sat together over a shared dinner. “These bastards grow bold and they don’t care for any of the rules.”

She sounded disgusted by that, as she glared into her bowl, and Dori wasn’t sure what to reply.

“It the same that have been so proud of hunting orcs and being true warriors. I do wonder why they didn’t just go with King Thror, it sounds like just the thing to prove themselves.”

“The ones who follow the King are warriors” Nori scoffed. “These bastards who stay behind and think they can do whatever they wish are nothing, barely brave enough to threaten unarmed civilians, stab you in the back and brag about how unafraid of the guard they are once they’re sure that there is not a single guardsman in the vicinity.”

“Thieves and Cutthroats” Dori whispered their mother’s old warning.

A muscle jumped in Nori’s jaw and her eyes became cold. 

“Worse, thieves have their own honour after all, they don’t just take whatever they see. No, these are mindless bullies with weapons.”

There wasn’t a difference between the self-proclaimed rangers and any other kind of criminal scum but Dori didn’t say her thoughts out loud.

She was glad for Nori not being entirely proper then, more than once did she notice how her little sister would casually run her hand over her belt, so that the attached knives drew the eye, and how often she would glare down any who looked at her the wrong way or stared at her and her family for too long. Dori wasn’t sure whether Nori would be able to handle a larger group of attackers, or if she truly had the strength to use her knives efficiently, but at least most decided that she wasn’t worth the cuts and stabs.

Nori was respected, and she had an air of danger about her when she wanted to. With her by her side Dori felt a little safer if they encountered the shady looking Dwarves, and somehow it reminded her of the time she had to follow their mother so that all knew the Dwarrowdam had somebody to protect her.

It was also the year when Dori finally noticed just how many heads turned when Nori walked down the street, and how the look on their faces wasn’t usually one of curiosity and recognition or respect and fear, but one of admiration, interest and desire. She hadn’t noticed for too long, after learning to ignore this sort impolite staring that was directed at _her_.

But Nori was nearly a grown up now, and she _was_ a good looking Dwarf after all. Not in the pretty and sweet way Kori was, and not as beautiful and soft as Dori, but she had confidence in her smile and a look like someone one wouldn’t want to cross. Nori was the sort of beautiful that would attract the wrong sort of folks, and even worse, she started to notice that she was admired, and seemed to like that.

Dori was sure that Nori wouldn’t be so stupid to react to any propositions from the worst sort of Dwarves, but she was young, she might not recognize bad intentions yet, might not know how to decide who to trust and who might hurt her or break her heart.

There was also the matter of it being dangerous to be with anyone untrustworthy, even by just removing her shirts and tunic Nori might put her little family at danger. 

Dori wasn’t sure how to approach Nori about it, wasn’t entirely sure whether it was even necessary and if she already considered anything yet. Eventually she talked to her in their little room, when Kori wasn’t there, as to not having their mother worry about more things than she already did.

“And please, you must understand that we can’t afford anyone to find out and then decide to make it public” Dori said after asking Nori to sit on the bed with her and then explained to her that she had to be careful with those who wanted to take her to bed.

Nori smiled and took Dori’s hands in hers.

“I wouldn’t endanger you for a brief moment of pleasure, I’m not daft.”

“I don’t doubt you, Nori, but it is a concern, and you are just the age to do stupid things you didn’t mean to.”

“I swear, if I ever were to consider fucking anyone I’d be doing it far away from here, were nobody knows my name and hasn’t even heard of our family.” She brushed a hand through her hair and grinned. “I even think I can make sure they won’t recognize me should they ever see me with my usual braids on the streets of Ered Luin.”

Dori frowned but let that go, Nori wouldn’t be going anywhere in the near future anyway.

“Be careful for your own sake, sister”, she pleaded instead. “You might be too mature for your own good, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t get hurt. I don’t want you to get used by some bastard.”

That earned her a laugh.

“I wouldn’t get hurt. You can’t go on and get your heart broken and then fade if you don’t expect anything from anyone. Or if _you’re_ the one to use them, eh?”

She nudged Dori’s side with her elbow and Dori refrained from scolding her for it. Nori had never been like her, she wouldn’t ever have the possibility of fooling around harmlessly and then a gentle childish romance. She probably wouldn’t have wanted that anyway, and Dori could do nothing but hope there wouldn’t be anything bad coming from it.

“Take care that none gets you pregnant then. If the sire is the sort of Dwarf to not care we’d have a hard time explaining where the child is from and then earning enough money with the possible repercussions. And I don’t want you to be stuck with one of these bastards who just want a Dam to bear them heirs.”

That did have the effect of having Nori sputter a bit and her cheeks turn red. 

“I wouldn’t…” she snapped, looking uncomfortable as if that thought hadn’t crossed her mind or as if she hadn’t imagined it in too much detail. “Do you really think I’d want the to bear the bastard child of any of the scum that wanders the streets these days? You don’t have to worry about that, a child is the last thing I’ll bring into this family.”

She had said it with conviction, and Dori really did trust Nori to know what she could and couldn’t be doing. At least before she was caught up in the heat of the moment, and she might only truly realize the possible outcome of whatever she was doing once she had already done it.

Dori repeated her request for Nori to be careful about what she was doing, and her sister promised to never do anything that would in any way affect her family. Nori often got herself into trouble but she never did it on purpose, so Dori was sure she could trust her sister, she did not trust everyone else however, always fearing that somebody might take advantage of Nori when she wasn’t careful or drunk.

She would glare at everyone who dared come to close to her sister, or look the wrong way, and between her own murderous stares and Nori casually getting out her knives there wasn’t anyone who made a move on either of the sisters. Nori’s virtue would be safe, from the looks of it, so Dori relaxed a little.

As it turned out, it hadn’t been her sister’s virtue she should have tried to protect.

One evening Kori asked both of them to sit down with her, for tea, which in itself had both of her daughters worried a little. They always ate together when all three weren’t at work, and when one had tea the others would likely join in, even if it was to just steal a biscuit in Nori’s case. Their mother had fallen ill many times over the past years, and lately she had looked tired and pale.

“I am with child.” Was the single thing she said when Dori asked her whether everything was all right, trying desperately to keep her fear out of her voice and while Nori sat completely still but with her shoulders so tense they were very nearly shaking.

They sat in silence after this, letting the words sink in. Kori looked at her tea, not moving and with her brow furrowed slightly. Dori just sat before her, not sure what to do, not sure what her own face was showing and not certain that she could change her expression anyway. Nori wasn’t making a sound beside her, and Dori couldn’t bring herself to look away from their mother to check for her sister.

The already lukewarm tea was cold when Dori finally stood up to gently take away her mother’s cup and prepare a new one, from the can she saved for special occasions. As she worked on brewing the tea, Nori slid from her chair and walked away, returning with Kori’s favourite quilt right when Dori was done preparing a new kettle and placed it on the table.

Kori smiled then, and there was a broken laugh that nearly sounded like a sob, but she looked grateful when her daughters shifted their chairs to sit on either side of her, adjusting the quilt and her scarves and refilling the tea each time she drank it up.

They coaxed the whole story out of her slowly. It wasn’t anything grand, just a simple tale of Kori getting close with one of her friends, somebody who was a friend of one of her co-workers, and it was a casual thing, with both of them being more interested in friendship and Kori not even wanting a proper relationship anymore. He didn’t know, she hadn’t known herself when she had the chance to do so, and now he was gone, following the King into battle.

And perhaps he would never return at all. Dori didn’t know how to ask what they’d do if Kori’s friend would be one of the fallen, she didn’t want to upset her mother after all, and surely it was a thing one thought of but wouldn’t want to hear spoken out loud?

There was also the subject about whether the sire would even acknowledge the child as his, or if they’d be left on their own, with a bastard child to try and take care of. Dori didn’t want to bring it up, or accuse a stranger of what she suspected of nearly every scoundrel who had looked at her sister strangely before. Nori saved her from this, asking about how the father was and if their new sibling would be much like him. 

“Does he earn much? Either way, it would be reasonable to ask for _some_ sort of support from his side, it’s his child after all, even if he’s penniless he might do something for it.”

Kori smiled a little and shook her head. 

“I can’t tell how the babe will turn out, but he will do his best to be a good sire to the child. Perhaps even a proper father, but I do not love him this way, and I think neither of us would actually want to be together just for the sake of propriety.”

She shrugged and accepted another cup of tea from her older daughter.

“The child will be one of mine, and apart from whatever help the father can provide the child will simply be one of the House of Ri.”

That ended that particular discussion, and Dori knew there wouldn’t be anything that could have changed her mother’s mind, not while she decided to be steadfast in something. And Dori didn’t even _want_ to change her mind about this, the sibling would be part of _their_ family, _they_ would provide for it, and none would ever dare call it a bastard, even if Kori had never officially declared herself a widow or remarried. It was reassuring that there would be help in case of them struggling to support the child.

 

*-*-*

The sisters made sure to always be near their mother after she told them that she was expecting, Nori always checking that it was warm and that they had all the needed comfort in their home, while Dori took care to buy better food and fresh vegetables, for a healthier diet, even though Nori complained about the stew and the overcooked lettuce.  
From all they earned Dori would put aside a couple of coins, saving some in case something happened and they needed more than what anything they could part with would earn them at the pawn’s. Kori would probably not be able to work once she reached the final months of her pregnancy, and then they’d have to have enough to pay midwives and for the child, so Dori made sure to have her reserves and promised herself to only take them in dire need.

All three of them worked as much as they could without having Kori exhaust herself, which was less than she was comfortable with. She was so prone to illnesses these days, but at least Nori could work in the shop of Dori’s master, helping with the tinkering, or with the weaving, as much as they let her considering her still young age and her reputation to have been one of the troublemaking children. 

They didn’t pay as much as they did Kori or Dori, as she wasn’t even adult in the eyes of the law, and Nori complained about it, but there was nothing to be done. In the time she had nothing else to do, Nori would stay at home, helping their mother with anything she might need, slowly planning where to put all the things they would need for the new-born. Sometimes Nori would also disappear in the evenings, or stay out overnight, and while Dori pleaded and threatened her, she never seemed to be harmed in any way, and perhaps it was even all right to let her have her alone time before they’d all be too busy with the sibling.

It was all right, their work was providing them with a bigger safety than they had had in the years before they came to Ered Luin, and Dori repeatedly had to tell herself that all would be good, that the child would be healthy and have as good a childhood as any other little Dwarf could get in the Blue Mountains. From Kori’s own calculations and the healers’ assessment the child would be born in early winter, and by that time it’s sire might be back, perhaps he might even be there for the birth, if he wanted to.

Nori worried about the campaign more than Dori did, always mentioning how it might last longer than everyone assumed it to be, an entire year perhaps, or more, and how Ered Luin would be a mess if it lasted too long. Dori wasn’t sure where Nori was getting these ideas from, but sometimes they would sit on one of their beds at night, letting the window open to get some of the warm summer breeze into the room, and Dori would try to reassure her sister.

Summer was good for them, Dori worked more than she really had to ensure they’d have all they needed, but she used the extra money to stock up her reserves, so that her mother and sister wouldn’t have to worry about that. Kori soon started showing more and more, getting looks and sometimes congratulations on the streets and when she went to the market.

She grew tired quicker now, and she would often complain about it being too hot or too cold, though the summer was a mild one. It meant that she couldn’t work as well as before, and Nori would argue her way into taking over her shifts when Kori’s employers started raising eyebrows. The pregnancy wasn’t that advanced yet, so everyone worried, but Kori would wave them off and make up for the lost time by working on her loom more. 

By fall everything stopped looking so rosy, when Kori fell ill and the news coming from the King and the army started to get worrying, hinting at the troubles faced by the warriors as they had to fight against more Orcs and Goblins than they had imagined.

The healers reassured Dori that her mother would be all right, just as the child, but Kori needed bed rest, and medicine to keep her strong. Her health had grown worse over the years, and now her new condition made her more prone to various illnesses. 

Kori complained about it, telling Dori that she was fine, that she needed to work and help her daughters with the household, but Dori would always make her lie back down in bed, brining her needles and yarn when she didn’t fall asleep soon after, so there was _something_ Kori could do. 

Despite her mother’s worries about not being able to work at all, Dori managed on her own. She worked harder and longer at the tinker’s shop, took more care in how their money was spend and grew more persistent in her arguing at the market if she felt that the prices weren’t fair. She heard people joking about her new behaviour sometimes, people saying that polite and courteous Dori son of Kori really was all velvet and silk with a core of mithril in him. She would scoff at that, but at least people finally were starting to treat her as the adult she was, and not just an adolescent. 

Nori grew taut, complaining about how it was getting difficult to convince anyone to give her work, that she couldn’t even get to take over for Kori that often. She was waved off more often than before, people telling her that they couldn’t afford paying a young lad and that there simply wasn’t that much work to be done. 

That much was true, Dori started to notice how any sort of work grew less busy, with fewer Dwarves left to require anything, and with trade with surrounding areas becoming difficult. The weavers didn’t work as much as before, produced less, and Nori was too young for anyone to want to have her be involved with what little was produced. It lead to Nori ranting about it at home, whetting her knives and glaring at the fire she had to mind while Dori was busy preparing the food.

It meant that only Dori had a secure income at the moment, though Kori would still sell what she knitted and sewed to the neighbours or trade for food or anything Dori noticed they needed. Nori sometimes would bring home a small basket of food, or a few coins after being gone for the day, grumbling about how she was good enough to be the delivery boy for some rich people, or how she still could find very small things to do that people would pay for, if she just looked hard enough.

It was sweet of her to make such an effort to help the family, though it did break Dori’s heart a little. This was her little sister, still a child in a way, the child she had always wanted to see safe since they had to flee Erebor, and it was painful to be in a situation where she felt like she needed to do so much. It was Dori, as the oldest, and the head of the family as far as anyone was concerned, who should be doing all of this to keep her family safe and secure enough that Kori didn’t feel guilty for not working, and that Nori didn’t have to wander the streets looking for a way to earn something. 

But Dori would just ignore that feeling, smile at Nori, and ask her to help cut some vegetables for a broth. It wasn’t that bad, and it would be better once the baby was there.

As the winter came nearer and Kori was starting to tire quickly due to her heavy belly and not an illness, work grew short for Nori. Only few were still willing to pay her for any small things she offered to do where no real work was to be had, with the food prices rising higher than they usually did during that time of year. The work grew short, even with so many Dwarves missing and their workforce to be replaced. 

There didn’t seem to be any hope left for the warriors to return by the end of the year, and with them the sire of Kori’s child. They tried not to think or talk of it much, and Dori did her best to provide for her family.

It seemed to go well, Kori wasn’t as ill as she was before, not needing any medicine anymore, though she always had warm woollen scarves around her and felt cold most of the time, Dori worked as much as she could, though there weren’t that many customers anymore, and Nori would help where she could, always looking for someone ready to hire her for anything, though Dori sometimes would stare at their little pantry and think about how her sister was skipping meals each time she did that.

But it got increasingly harder to have enough money to purchase everything they needed, their income grew smaller and with winter and the cold being here they needed to spend more, and at the end of the day Dori would sit at the kitchen table, staring at a list of everything they needed she had written with burned wood on an old piece of parchment. It wasn’t enough, not without taking some of the money she didn’t want to spend on anything but the baby’s needs. They had gone so many years without having to sell her father’s jewels, they surely could last the winter without resorting to taking it.

The things they could save on were few, there was no way Dori could cut down on their firewood, with the cold and how easily Kori fell ill, and while she might have gone without as much food as they were eating she couldn’t have Kori and Nori doing the same. Their mother already ate less than she needed, and she refused her daughters offering their share with a pained expression. And Nori had always been thin but now she seemed to be loosing weight, and it worried Dori enough to actually scold her for eating too little.

Each time she did that, Nori would just scoff and lock herself into her room to pout or get her coat and walk away, leaving Dori exasperated but deciding to let her be. Perhaps her little sister was really old enough to decide for herself what was right for her, but it didn’t mean that Dori wouldn’t slip more food into her bowls of soup later on.

When the mountains’ surface started to be covered in snow, it all nearly became too much. Dori would brood over their budget until late in the night and wonder how they would get through the month. There hardly were any spare coins left in the house, apart from the hidden stash that Dori just couldn’t take. It was for the baby, and if it was born and things didn’t get better they wouldn’t be able to do anything for it.

One day was particularly bad, Dori had mentioned how she needed to go to the market the evening before, and she knew that she only barely managed to hide the distress it caused her, judging by the looks her mother and sister gave her afterwards. There really wasn’t enough money to get enough food for the next few days, and Dori dreaded to have to break it to them. They might not be eating enough for a while, and so close to the birth too. 

Nori was looking paler than usual these days, Kori needed all nutrition she could get and Dori needed her full strength to work as much as she could in order to not make things worse. They really couldn’t afford this now.

Dori had gotten out the little box where she hid all coins they had, the stash she couldn’t spend in a little pouch and a few copper ones in addition, they didn’t have enough to warrant another hiding place. She had counted them over and over again, absent minded, to consider what could be spared and what needed to be bought, she could probably identify each by the scratches on its surface. 

So when she carefully took the coins she might use to try and buy enough food, the spares ones were noticed immediately. She stared at her palm, counting the coins that were in it and too much, more than she had counted last time, enough to buy supplies for the week, and perhaps even a new blanket for Kori. These coins lifted a heavy weight of Dori’s heart, while making her throat tighten in stress at the same time.

Had she miscounted? She was so sure that she hadn’t, her memory had always been good and she had counted endless times, so that mistake worried her. Nobody else was supposed to know where the box was, she kept it hidden in the unlikely case of burglars breaking in, and who would just go and _add_ to the valuables? 

Perhaps this was something to investigate later on, now it just meant that she could have her family have a good meal today and just any meal for the rest of the week. 

Things like that started to happen more often though, and Dori started to worry for her sanity. 

One of her jackets needed patching, but there wasn’t the right material to be had and Dori had decided to wait till spring to even think of saving up for it. It left her with one that was warmer, but was uncomfortable to wear when her breasts weren’t bound as flat as she could, while her favourite concealed her curves well enough for her to be more comfortable in not taking care with it. It was annoying to do this on a daily basis, but one day she came into her room and her jacket was lying just where she had left it, but mended with materials she certainly had never seen before.

Some days she would go to put logs into the fireplace, to find it already stocked even though the basket where they kept the firewood hadn’t been touched.

Other days she would come home from the market and go to put everything she bought into the pantry, to find bread or potatoes she couldn’t remember buying.

Kori couldn’t leave the house much, or work to earn anything anymore, so she couldn’t have been responsible for any of these things. And Nori didn’t seem to find any work at the moment, even if she did, she had always gone to Dori with anything she earned, there was no reason for her to be sneaky about it, surely she knew that showing kindness this way wouldn’t be appreciated by her older sister. Dori didn’t like surprises with matters so important, never mind them being good surprises in a way. 

Some of the things she found around the house seemed a little too valuable to be given to Nori as pay though, unless she had worked a lot and saved up her money or perhaps somebody had been generous, and Dori was away for too long nearly every day to know how and where Nori spent her time. Dori wasn’t completely sure that it had been Nori, who did all of it, though, so she let it be.

The point when Dori could no longer ignore these things came mere weeks before the due date. Outside of the mountain the snow was no so high that the guards had to work at the gates to keep a way open, and business was so slow that Dori’s master send her home early, reassuring her that he would do fine on his own and that her pay would not be cut for it and that she should rather go and see whether her mother needed any help.

As soon as she stepped through the doors she was greeted by cosy warmth and the mouth-watering smell of roasted meat. Dori carefully hung her coat and stepped past the tiny puddles on the floor towards the kitchen, wondering how it could possible be true. It had been way too long since they had had any sort of meat to cook with, and even longer since Dori actually got to eat any, as both she and Nori secretly slipped all of theirs into their mother’s food.

In the kitchen she found Kori, sitting at the table and smiling, cradling their biggest mug filled with broth in her swollen belly, and Nori standing by the cooking pot and stirring it. The smell was coming from there, and Dori stopped at the doorway, staring at it in wonder. Where had they got the meat from then?

Kori was the first to notice the arrival of her oldest, and she turned to Dori, giving her a fond smile.

“Dori, dear, your back early? Come sit with me for a while, today you don’t have to do the cooking for once. I’m sure there’s enough for the three of us, right my little one?”

Nori nodded without turning to them, and Dori cocked her head, watching her sister’s back. The trousers she was wearing were damp at the bottom, and her long hair was braided in a very simple single braid, the ends curling as if she had washed it recently.

“How did you get the meat? I thought I’d not be able to save up for some in another week.” 

Dori pulled out a chair to sit next to her mother and stared at the pot, trying to figure out what sort of meat this was. It certainly smelled good and like there was a lot of it in the soup, more than she’d be able to afford at this rate.

“Oh, Nori found some work today, and she got it in exchange for her help.”

Nori put a portion the soup on the table, and handed her mother a spoon, still not looking at Dori, who glanced into the bowl curiously.

“Half a rabbit, she got, a though and lean little thing, but good meat nevertheless.”

Kori pulled her bowl closer as Dori’s shoulders tensed. She looked up at Nori, her face blank but her eyes too wide to be nonchalant as she stared back at her older sister. Dori’s eyes wandered over Nori’s wet hair to her damp clothes, she thought back to the little puddles in the hallway and how there was no sign of Nori’s boots anywhere and suddenly her throat felt very dry.

“Don’t you two want to eat anything? Taste it, Nori did a good job of it.”

Dori forced herself to smile, and it must have been at least somehow convincing, she had much practice in this after all.

“I will eat later, ma, I’m not used to eating at this time.”

Nori didn’t say anything, her eyes darted from Dori to the door, and then she just sat down and wrapped her fingers around a mug of the broth and shook her head slightly.

Kori seemed to be too busy with her soup and too tired to notice how her daughters’ faces were tense, she slowly ate her portion, chewing at the pieces of meat contently. Dori didn’t know where to look; she focused on her breathing, trying to think of a reason for why she was wrong and about nothing at all. Nori might as well have been carved from stone as she sat opposite from them, her mug growing cold without her even pretending to take a sip.

Soon enough Kori had finished eating and rubbed her hand against her cheek with a sigh.

“I wanted to finish knitting that sweater”, she muttered. “But I think I’d just fall asleep over it. Might as well go and sleep a little. You two eat before the food gets cold, and make sure to take some of the meat, too.”

She stood up clumsily, waving of her daughters’ hands and slowly turned to get back to her room. Dori watched her retreat, waiting to hear the sound of her bedroom door closing, before turning to her little sister.

“Nori. Where did you get this rabbit from”, she asked, her smile dropping from her face and voice shaking slightly. Nori stared back, still frozen where she sat.

There hadn’t been any rabbits in the markets for months now, at least not in the markets Dori and her family could go to, though the markets closest to the palace might have some, or those in the shadiest corners of the city. And she also knew why it was like that. There simply weren’t that many people left in Ered Luin, who actually had the permission to hunt for rabbits, and there barely was another way to get them. Buying a permission to hunt at all was too expensive for most who preferred livestock, and with so many of the nobility and lawmen gone in the war it was also hard to even find someone who might grant one.

There simply was no way that somebody who had legally acquired a rabbit sharing it for niceties, with the state of Nori’s appearance _she_ seemed to be the one who had hunted for it. But it couldn’t be, her little sister _couldn’t_ have…

“Dori…”

“How did you get the rabbit?”

Dori did her best to stay quiet, watching Nori, hoping to get some excuse or a reasonable explanation for how Nori had gotten her hands on a kind of meat that was terribly rare and expensive at this time.

The corners of Nori’s mouth twitched slightly as she glanced to the side.

“With a noose.”

Dori’s fingers clenched around the corner of the table, hard enough to make the wood creak from the pressure, causing Nori’s eyes to widen more.

“Please… please tell me that you didn’t go outside to hunt for it. Please tell me that you _did not steal a rabbit from the King’s lands_.”

Dori’s voice was really shaking now, and Nori seemed to get a little alarmed at it, frowning in worry though Dori wasn’t sure whether she was worrying for herself or her sister.

“The healers keep saying that ma is too weak, that she needs more food and that the child might be ill if this goes on. I just needed to find some meat, that’s all.”

“So that is a reason to go outside into the snow and risk your life, or getting put into jail-“ her voice was getting louder and Dori forced herself to shut up, staring at the table and counting her breaths to keep herself from loosing it.

“Nori, you can’t do this, you know that poaching is a crime, you… Have you done something like this before…”

She did not loom up, and Nori didn’t reply for so long that Dori nearly took it as a sign that her sister hadn’t done such a foolish thing before but-

“I always sold anything if I did go to hunt, but it’s winter and it’s hard to find anything that I can carry on my own.”

The wood of the table cracked a little and Dori’s head snapped up. She stared at her sister, horrified at the implications.

Nori had put enough thought into this that it seemed as if she truly had been doing it for quite a while now. And Dori knew what sort of people would go and buy meat from poachers. Her little sister had put herself in so much danger and it did not matter that she carried knives and that she never seemed to be avoided by shady looking people.

Dori swallowed hard, thinking back to those times, people respecting Nori, people fearing her and not seeing her as an easy target. She felt cold all of a sudden.

“What… have you done anything else-“

Nori didn’t avert her eyes this time, staring back and Dori but not replying. This time she new what the silence meant.

“You-“ it came out as barely more than a whisper, and Dori thought about each time she found spare coins or food or firewood or just things they needed but couldn’t pay for in the house.

“You’re a thief. Nori, _Nori_ how could you do this?!”

Nori just shrugged.

“We needed it.”

Dori stood up so fast that the chair scraped over the floor and nearly toppled over. She towered over her little sister who immediately leaned away and out of her reach.

“You…. _Thief_ you can’t! You can’t just go and become something so horrible, how could you-“

Nori didn’t seem to be affected by the words, and Dori was around the table in an instant, grabbing her wrists before she could flee.

“Yes, we have a hard time, but how can you lower yourself to the level of such _scum_ , Nori, you’re still a child, you can’t do these things!”

She glanced over her shoulder to where their mother’s room was, while Nori tried to pull away, hissing slightly, like she only did when she was truly angry.

“Have you forgotten about ma? About how afraid she was and _still_ is? What would she think if she were the one to find out and not me? What do you think about her daughter being the same as the thieves and the cutthroats we were so afraid of?” Dori gestured at her braids and clothes. “It’s the reason why you and me have to hide ourselves, why we had to make sure ma was protected! And now you’re like these scoundrels who take advantage of poor families like us!”

Nori finally managed to twist free of Dori’s hold and she snarled at her.

“I am nothing like that, those bastards are no thieves, they’re just craven scum. I never stole from anyone who’d even _notice_ that something’s gone at first, so don’t worry about me hurting anyone.”

She took a few steps, and Dori didn’t have the will to follow her.

“Don’t you dare tell ma!”

“I would never, but Nori, you have to _stop_!”

“And do what? See us all starve? There is nothing else I can do but get us what we need this way.”

Dori nearly sobbed at that.

“Of course not, please, we can always find you proper work, you’re not _that_ young-“

Nori shook her head.

“Forget it. There’s nothing.”

“It is dangerous! We will find a solution, but Nori, you are committing crimes, you might be put into jail, there might be worse happening to too! What about the criminals you are in contact with, there is no honour in them!”

There was a shrug at that.

“Then you’d have one less to provide for and might find it easier to take care for the child.”

Dori flinched at that, her heart clenching at hearing her sister say such a thing, but Nori seemed to decide that the conversation was over and walked out of the room, probably to hide in her own for a while. Dori leaned against the chair, taking deep shuddering breaths and trying to calm herself. 

Her little sister was committing crimes left and right it seemed, based on how much and how often something had appeared where it shouldn’t be. Her sister, who had always been such a kind child, a troublemaking one, but kind and not at all like the bastards who stole and killed how they pleased. And the thought of her being put into jail, the thought of Nori thinking it to be _good_ for the family.

It was terrifying.

Dori picked up on of the blankets her mother wrapped around herself when she wasn’t in her own bed and put it on her shoulders, sitting down at the table. 

She sat there until it was dark outside, only moving to eat a little of the soup, trying not to think about where the rabbit was from, too hungry to let it stand there, and to put some more logs into the fire so that it wouldn’t go out completely.

It was dark inside the house and well past midnight when a door creaked down the hallway and nearly soundless steps came closer to the kitchen. Dori had never realized how silent Nori could be, and now it made her sick to think of why she was like this. 

Nori walked into the room, dressed in her sturdiest and warmest travel clothes, her hair made up in three peaks and some of it braided into her short beard, making it look longer and fuller than it was. The tiny fire cast deep shadows over her gaunt cheeks and the bags under her eyes, and Dori realized with some unease how easily her little sister could make herself appear so much older than she was.

They stared at each other for a while, before Nori reached into her jacket and pulled out a little leather purse, putting it on the table within Dori’s reach.

“This is all he coins I had on me, I’d have used it if we needed it. Take it and buy the baby the softest blanket you can find. And ma’s favourite food. And tea, get yourself some nice tea for cold evenings.”

Dori eyed the purse, and then glanced up at Nori and the pack she carried on her back.

“What about you?”

“I’ll be gone and see what I can do. Don’t worry, I’ll be back if you need me.”

“Nori…” _stay here, you don’t need to steal, you don’t need to hide from me, we can figure something out, don’t put yourself into any danger, this can’t end well_ “… take care of yourself.”

Nori nodded at her, and then she was gone, the soft creak of a window in another part of the house the last thing Dori heard before her little sister disappeared.

Dori’s hands trembled slightly, and she wrapped them around the edges of her blanket, not able to keep the tears at bay any longer, all she could do was to keep as quiet as she could, to not alert her mother, as she started to weep.

 

*-*-*

The next few weeks went by as if nothing had happened, Dori found some excuse about Nori going to find some work elsewhere, and though Kori wondered she didn’t question her oldest, to exhausted from just walking the short distances in their house. 

With how much Dori earned and the money Nori had left behind it was easier to get by, even if her mother needed medicine to keep healthy again. Soon they had to call the midwife every few days, to check if the pregnancy was going all right, the due date only a very little time away now.

Dori didn’t allow herself to think of her little sister at all, doing her best to prepare everything for her other sibling. Thinking of Nori’s safety would cause her distress and then their mother might notice and worry too, which Dori could risk. It also would lead to her thinking about just _what_ her little sister was, and that too was not something she wanted to do. 

The closer the birth came the more Kori worried and asked for Nori, and each time Dori had to smile and reassure her mother that everything would be fine and that Nori would surely make it back on time. She really did hope it, she wanted her sister in safety and also to be present, if just for a few days.

Sometimes Kori would tiredly ask if there were any news from the war, and if somebody was returning, and Dori would shiver and think about how all news they were getting only spoke of how the war would last longer than anyone expected. She didn’t tell her mother that, carefully changing the subject and hoping that Kori would not grieve for the sire of her child too much.

The day Kori went into labour was a chaotic one. Dori had prepared her mother’s bedroom for it, and the midwife came as promised, but there was nothing much Dori could do to help her with.

There was a knock on the door while Dori was pacing around the house, wondering whether she should fetch towels, or spare firewood in case they needed it. It was Nori, her cheeks more sunken than they were before and snow sticking to her hair. Dori barely spared the time to pull her sister into a bone crushing hug, then she made her get out of her wet clothes and pushed her towards their mother’s room.

Kori nearly had tears in her eyes as she saw her younger daughter, and Nori seemed nearly panicked to see her mother in the state she was in, but there was no time to do more than exchange a quick greeting before the midwife shooed both out of the room, muttering about how two inexperienced lads would only get into her way.

They were made to heat up water and fetch everything that was needed, but otherwise Kori and the midwife were alone in the room, leaving the sisters to flinch at each scream of their mother’s. Dori couldn’t really remember how it had been last time, and Nori never had witnessed her mother in so much pain, her face pale and her eyes wide as she stared towards the bedroom.

Dori nearly cried in relief when she heard the cries of a baby, though Nori looked like she was going to be sick. The midwife informed them that their sibling and their mother were healthy, before disappearing into the bedroom again, for whatever else she needed to do.

The sudden quiet after all the excitement was nearly awkward, and the first time Dori and Nori were on their own since the day Dori discovered what her sister was earning her money with. She looked her and bit her lip.

“I don’t approve of what you do”, she said, and Nori stared at the table.

“I know.”

“I don’t want you to be hurt.”

Nori glanced up and then away.

“… I know.”

“If there really is no other way…” Dori took a deep breath and closed her eyes. “I cannot stop you. It doesn’t look like I can manage without help, but _promise_ me to stop stealing and poaching and whatever else you are doing as soon as the war is over or ma is able to work full time again.”

Nori looked up in surprise and nodded slowly.

“I promise to stop as soon as we don’t need it anymore.”

Dori managed a weak smile.

“Good.”

They sat in silence until the midwife walked out of the room again, nodding to them and saying that her help was not needed at this point but that they should fetch her if anything seemed off.

Dori and Nori looked at one another, and then slowly stood up and walked into their mother’s bedroom.

Kori sat on her bed, staring down at the little bundle in her arms with a happy but also terrified expression.

“My daughters”, she whispered and smiled up at her oldest. “Come, meet our little Ori.”

She waited until they had sat down on either side of her, to carefully show them the sleeping baby. It was a sweet little child, with a tiny red face and little fists clenched into it’s blanket. Nori made a soft gasp bud dared not lean closer, and Dori barely managed not to laugh and accidentally wake the child.

“My little girl” Kori said, and she looked afraid at that. Dori and Nori exchanged a look. Under normal circumstances having three daughters in the family would be seen as something good, rare and even luck bringing, in reality it just meant that Kori had another daughter to fear for.

After so long of them hiding and fearing what might happen if somebody saw what they were, it was hard to shake. And with so little guardsmen in the city, and the war, Ered Luin was nearly as uncertain a place as the road had been.

Dori chewed on her lip and carefully took her youngest sister from her mother’s arms, looking down at the babe. No midwife ever talked about the children she had helped bring to the world, not unless the parents or family were around, they never mentioned anything but vague details of the birth and never said names. It simply wasn’t anyone’s business after all. So perhaps…

“Ori…” Dori said and smiled as she brushed her fingers over her little rosy cheeks. “Welcome to the Sons of Kori, my jewel.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *hides in a whole* well, looks like the flashback chapter(s) is done now, we will return to the quest in the next one.  
> I am sorry for mistakes of any kind here, and I hope these flashbacks weren't too much? either way, thanks for sticking around here


	6. Chapter 6

The forest was wrong, in any way possible, never in his life had Bilbo felt such _wrongness_ coming from mere plant life. The air itself seemed to suck all light out of their surroundings, and the Mirkwood felt as if there was a heavy fog, pressing on everyone’s lungs and making it hard to see, even though the sight was clear and the air humid but breathable. 

The forest’s atmosphere was bearing down on everyone, the noises they heard in the night and the possibility of their food and water running short not doing anything to improve that situation.

Some tried to keep the mood up, talking quietly, or making jokes at night when they cooked over their camping fire, some tried to preserve their energy and not talk at all. It got harder to do so as the days went by, but even so Bilbo couldn’t help but notice that some of his Dwarves seemed to be affected more than the others. Or perhaps they already had behaved that way before they even entered the Mirkwood, and Bilbo had just thought that it was all due to the anticipation of danger.

Throughout the entire journey both Balin and Dori had been nothing but polite and very friendly to one another, giving Bilbo the impression that they must be close friends or perhaps even more. It did not differ much from the polite way a gentlehobbit would go about a courting so Bilbo recognized the behaviour and it always made him smile a little.

Now things were somehow awkward between them. They still were polite, but Balin kept throwing Dori concerned and sad looks, nearly as many as he shared with Thorin when things seemed especially dreary.

And Dori seemed to do his best to avoid Balin altogether, always taking care to stay as far away from him as possible. Bilbo would sometimes even notice how Balin turned towards Dori, looking as if he was about to say something only to have Dori grab the Hobbit’s elbow and start a conversation to prevent that from happening.

Both of them looked vaguely uncomfortable about it, and sometimes, when nearly everyone was already sleeping, Bilbo would see Dori’s wistful expression when he looked over to where the King’s advisor had put up his bedroll.

They weren’t the only ones who’s behaviour worried Bilbo, as both of their brothers seemed to do nearly the same thing.

In the previous months of journeying through Middle Earth, both Nori and Dwalin had given Bilbo the impression of someone who’d not avoid confrontation, as long as it was a verbal and physical one respectively. And though Bilbo had never actually seen them do anything, they had also given him the impression as if they were constantly fighting. At first it had worried him but when he noticed how gentle Dwalin sometimes treated Nori when they rested, or how Nori would smile at him, he had reconsidered and decided that it was just some juvenile way of flirting to them and that it wasn’t anything serious.

He had assumed that an actual falling out between the two would be something nasty, but apparently it was just sad to watch.

Unlike their older brothers neither Dwalin nor Nori made any attempts to confront each other. Dwalin had never spoken that much, but Nori had always chatted about one thing or another quietly, now he only replied when directly addressed or whispered with Ori. 

When they thought nobody was paying attention to them, both would glance in the other’s direction, with a confused and sad look in Dwalin’s case and an utterly miserable and tired one in Nori’s. It was making Bilbo feel wretched just looking at them.

Another thing Bilbo hadn’t expected at all was how Fíli, Kíli and Ori behaved themselves. 

Everyone had noticed that the youngest Dwarves of the company had something going on right before they reached the edge of the forest, some fight maybe, but nobody had thought it’d be something serious. Kíli had looked hurt about it, Fíli kept glaring at Ori, and Ori was avoiding everyone with a remorseful look. 

As soon as they had entered the forest and everyone started to get a little more irritable, things turned nasty between the three. And it couldn’t just be about the argument they had before, Fíli and Ori would snap at one another nearly each time they had a chance for it, making rude comments about something the other did. Kíli didn’t participate most of the time, though the forest made him increasingly melancholic and upset about all of it, and in turn Fíli seemed to blame Ori.

Once or twice they nearly started an actual fight but both times Dwalin and one of Ori’s brothers would break it up before things could escalate. Still Bilbo hoped that they would get the chance to talk it out soon, before it turned serious. Perhaps it was the forest making things worse, but so far it reminded him of how young Hobbits would fight over some perceived slight.

Nevertheless Bilbo decided to talk to Thorin about the matter, unsure what else to do or who to ask who wouldn’t do something stupid about it.

“Perhaps we should find out what happened, it can’t be good if they start fighting at the wrong moment or can’t work together when needed” Bilbo said after pointing it out to Thorin.

Thorin seemed to be more worn out than the rest, with the responsibility for the endeavour resting on his shoulders, so Bilbo had worried about whether he should add on to that. In the end he decided that Thorin might have noticed anyway and that it might be better to solve it right now.

“They will work together” Thorin insisted after letting his eyes wander over the company. “We all can put aside our personal problems if needed. But I see what you mean, if there are no changes by the time we reach the other side of the forest I will speak to them.”

He shrugged at Bilbo raising his eyebrows in worry.

“As long as they are no danger to the company I will not make young Ori reconcile with my sister-sons, or his older brothers for that matter. If Balin and Dwalin decide that their relationships are their own private matter I will respect that, unless I see that they are harming themselves with it. But I will speak to Fíli and Kíli, they are behaving irresponsible when they are fighting with our scribe, and I believe that whatever started it was at least partially their fault.”

The worst things that had come out of the issues the brothers and Thorin’s kin seemed to have with one another were tension and some gloom, but otherwise Bilbo had to agree with Thorin that the company was functioning. The mood would not improve that much anyway, not as long as they were in the Mirkwood and in dangerous territory at least.

Bilbo still watched the company carefully, noticing how _everyone_ seemed to get increasingly miserable by the day, but there was nothing he could do, and he did not bring it up again as they made their way deeper into the Mirkwood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is more of an interlude and a brief pause to have Bilbo see what everyone's up to, I'm sorry


	7. Chapter 7

Sitting alone in her cell for weeks gave Dori plenty of opportunity to rest and worry herself sick over her sisters. The dungeons of the Elves weren’t that uncomfortable, all things considered, and certainly not as bad as Dori had imagined cells to be. 

It obviously wasn’t _nice_ but after nearly an entire month of wandering through a forest with ever shrinking food and water supplies and the constant danger of being eaten by some wild beasts, this was felt nearly luxurious.

There was a cot with blankets softer and warmer than anything they had had in the fores, and there was a tiny trough in the corner with a steady dribble of water. It was even enough that Dori managed to wash end mend her clothes with it. The elves had taken their coats and jackets and weapons, but luckily they had left Dori with enough to hide her curves and chest. She had been sewing all her clothes that way for decades, adding padding that would not be noticed but kept everything in place, and the precaution served her well.

Once Dori had made sure that the doors were really firmly shut and would not budge under her entire strength pushed against it, and that she could only barely make out the voices of some other Dwarves yelling in the distance, she wrapped her blankets around her and carefully removed her clothes. When the spiders’ webs and the dirt were washed out she laid them out to dry, while she sat on the very edge of the cot, clutching her blanket in place.

Having clean clothes and rebraiding her hair left her feeling a lot better but it also cleared her mind to think about all that might be happening now. 

She couldn’t be sure about what would happen to her sisters, and Balin, or the rest of the company. She wasn’t sure what they’d be doing about the escape or not knowing where Thorin was, or whether Bilbo somehow would manage to get through to them at all or whether he had been captured separately after all.

There was no real use wondering, so she tried to wait and not think of anything. 

When Bilbo finally found her, Dori was just about ready to break her resolve and start pacing the tiny cell like a trapped animal, looking for a way out that she knew did not exist. 

The Hobbit appeared out of nowhere, with just a whispered warning so she wouldn’t get startled too much. He looked tired and he was still covered in the spider webs and the dirt from the forest, but otherwise he didn’t seem injured.

“I’m looking for everyone now, they keep you well apart and I’m not sure where to start searching”, he explained after making sure that Dori was all right.

“But everyone else is fine, yes? Nobody was injured?” Dori’s fingers clenched around the bars of her prison as she tried to keep her voice calm and low. 

“I haven’t seen any damage that they didn’t already have in the forest” Bilbo reassured her. “I have already found Óin and Glóin, both of them are really loud and are ranting about your captors. Bifur is all right, I think, but he was just nodding along to anything I said and refused to move from his cot. Ori and Nori are all right, too, I promise. Ori even insisted that I tell you he’s fine and that I give you this.”

Bilbo reached past the bars and held out his fist, and as Dori took what he was holding she realized that it was the wool of Ori’s torn mittens. 

“He said it’s so that you have something of his and that you know he’s fine and even got to keep his warm things.” 

Dori smiled at her little sister’s attempt to reassure her, and at how it actually was helping.

“I will go and try to find everybody else now. Once I know where everything is, I’ll come back and start thinking of a way to get you out of here.”

Bilbo turned to go and Dori nodded solemnly, biting back a request for him to try and find out how Balin was. This really was not the time, and Bilbo would not forget searching for any of them. Her sisters were safe, and surely Balin was, too. 

After being told that her sisters were fine, and in no greater danger than she was in, Dori calmed somewhat. She had always tried to remain relaxed when there was something that worried her and couldn’t be changed by her, and it had always helped her with the peace of her mind.

There was nothing to do in the cell, but to stare numbly at the brown rock of the walls, or play with the yarn of Ori’ mittens, and wait for Bilbo to stop by. He had a pattern, he would come at least twice a day, and sometimes right after the Elves passed by on their rounds or brought food. Once he finally found everyone else after two days, he also started passing on messages. It was mostly everyone wanting Bilbo to tell the rest that they were fine, and though he would have done it himself Dori couldn’t help but remind him to speak to Ori and Nori on her behalf. 

None of them had thought of a plan to escape, even after sharing all the information they could gather, none of the Dwarves had been able to break open their door, none had anything to use as a weapon and even so the Elves would not give them an opportunity to escape if they were to attack, Bofur could not find any fault in the doors, and Nori said the locks would not budge under her available tools. Their Hobbit promised to take care of it, and as he had managed to get them all out of everything so far, they decided to trust him.

After very little time Bilbo started growing annoyed as the messages became conversations, and he complained about how he didn’t like having to memorize so much information over an entire day. He didn’t complain about the Dwarves passing on tokens as much, saying that he completely understood their boredom and need to have something familiar with them.

For Dori he brought more wool from Ori, and some of cords that Nori always had hidden away in her clothes in case she needed them. From Bifur he brought a tiny piece of wood, with patterns carved onto it. Bilbo explained that the toymaker had used a bone he had found in the meat they were given for dinner, making something for everyone with it. Given the incredibly crude tools and the faulty material it was beautiful, and Dori could recognize the rune for ‘strength’ and parts of her family crest. It was a touching gift, and Dori wished she had something that would mean to Bifur as much as this had to her.

Bilbo also brought some torn fabric from Balin, a red band, ripped from the end of his jacket from the looks of it. He had waited for a reply from Dori, but she had only held on to it without saying a word, and Bilbo left before she could make up her mind about how to thank Balin for this.

There really wasn’t anything appropriate she could come up with, nothing she might show with little things passed on over Bilbo, no words she would have dared let him hear in any other way than to say them herself. 

She tired not to think of it, and concentrated on her sisters, as she always had, her sisters who always had been there and who were closer to her than anyone ever would. 

Using some of the cord and the wool she had gotten from Ori, as well as bits of her sleeves, she made something that vaguely looked like little dolls, their body made of fabric and wool, and the cord tying it together so that it looked like body and head. That was the only thing she made Bilbo carry over to anyone, in the hopes that her sisters would be comforted by it as she had by their tokens. They’d have something from both the others this way.

She also made sure that Bilbo told them that she was all right, and that everything would turn out fine. She wished she had something to send secret messages with, but at the same time she did not wish for Bilbo to know that there was something she did not trust him with. Dori liked the Hobbit, and she wouldn’t have kept silent if she could, but he had felt alienated from them all only a few months back and she didn’t want that to return.

She still _had_ to lie or leave out information though, there was no helping it.

“Why would he need that?” Bilbo had asked in confusion when Dori requested some bandages and soft cloth to be brought to Ori.

“Please, just try and find something like that, I am sure the Elves have some they wouldn’t miss?” Dori pleaded in response. “And don’t tell anyone else I asked for this, all right?”

To her relief Bilbo didn’t question her further and did as he was asked. It had to be done, even if Ori would most likely be mortified about it, she’d later be thankful. Dori wasn’t sure how long they’d stay in the cells, as Bilbo kept saying that he needed to wait for a perfect opportunity, but more than a month and she would have to start worrying about herself and Nori, too. Though, with how thin her middle sister was and how malnourished she had looked in the forest it might be that she would not need to hide a bleeding.

There were good things happening too, and messages that caused her to smile. Bilbo kept telling her about how he witnessed Glóin holding a truly amazing angry speech to some of the Elves who guarded them or brought food and came to ask whether they wished to talk, and about how Dwalin and Bofur both had managed to hit the Elves with broken bits of their bowls. 

Bilbo told her about Fíli and Kíli always passing on the most messages between themselves, and how it had taken only three days of pacing the cells and sulking till all three demanded Bilbo to tell how the other two were and that Ori and the princes all wanted the Hobbit to tell the others how sorry they were and that they didn’t mean to. 

Bilbo didn’t know what exactly had happened anyway, but he laughed and told Dori all about how ashamed all three looked and how they were genuinely afraid that the others wouldn’t want to accept the apology.

Dori smiled at that, and while she figured that she wouldn’t like the answer to that mystery she was also glad that her youngest wouldn’t hold a grudge any longer. Ori had seemed happy with the princes, and they were good lads. If it weren’t for the impossible situation they were in, Dori would have approved of whatever there was between them. She didn’t know Thorin’s nephews enough to know whether they actually were _good_ for Ori, but they were young and on their way to face a dragon, so she didn’t feel like objecting.

Ori was young and never had gotten the chance to live openly, but she had always been quiet and happy to stay close to her sisters or work with her books and writing. This made it so much easier for her to keep her secret hidden, and everyone else thinking that she really was only one of the sons of Kori. It also made Dori worry whether she would ever regret it later on, and whether she might not ever be allowed to experience what any other young Dwarrowdam might in her youth. 

But Ori never truly showed signs of unhappiness. She never expressed a need to behave in any way that might have shown that she was a girl. The only thing she had to do for hiding was to guard her tongue and make sure the soft swell of her chest was never seen, and even that was easy with the wide and cosy clothes she preferred.

Nori on the other hand…

She had always made the best of her situation, had always lived the way she wanted to even if that meant wandering far away where no one knew her name, and being among people that would have made Kori pale in fear and letting the wrong kinds of folks do things with her that would have gotten Dori to tear their limbs out one by one if she could just be there and get to them.

_I cannot be caught_ , Nori had said so many times, laughing at Dori’s anger and protectiveness. _Those who know me for a woman don’t know my name and treat me like any other wild little thief, and those who might know my name never even knew that I’m a Dam._

It didn’t make it better. Dori knew that Nori wouldn’t let herself come to close to anyone decent while revealing who she was, and she knew that Nori felt lonely sometimes, in a way Dori could do nothing to help her with.

She knew that Nori, for all her swagger and her smug smiles, was unsure about herself, she knew that Nori always scoffed at herself when they had a quiet moment to braid each others hair or wear old dresses of their mother. She knew that for all that Nori was joking about how she was glad about having an excuse to lie, as she made a decent Dwarf but a poor and lanky Dwarrowdam, she saw it as the truth. 

And when Dori noticed how Nori and Dwalin were awfully close and how Nori just happened to sneak away when he wasn’t there either, she was not sure what to do. At first Nori had just shrugged and promised that she was not doing anything stupid, and that Dwalin would not find out about her secret. Later Dori started to see how she sought out his company just for the sake of it, how she smiled at him or how her eyes would shine with real happiness in the evenings when she thought nobody was looking at her.

It was then that Dori started to fear for her sister. With how careless Nori was growing she might have endangered them and herself. She let Dwalin come close, making it harder to keep him just far enough to not notice anything, and it would have been easier if he didn’t like her, too. 

One night they all lay together and Ori asked them about what they would do once they were in Erebor and really could shed their disguise. Dori had stared up to the stars, dreading the day she would have to tell all who trusted her just how much she had lied, but needing to do so to finally be free to be herself. She hadn’t listened to her sisters but she heard Nori’s voice break and as always that got her attention.

“Dwalin? It’s nothing, I doubt it will even last till we are among civilized folk. And what would he want with me? A fine lord like him needs a beautiful lady on his arm, or a pretty Dwarrowdam with broad hips and lots of little Dwarflings. I’m good for neither of these and won’t pretend to try and be that either.”

Nori had laughed and ruffled Ori’s hair and joked about them buying miles and miles of pretty silks for Ori to dress in and how she’d surely get all sorts of fine suitors once they were rich, but Dori saw how her sister’s face twisted for just a moment. 

She had always known that any relationship either of them had, before the time came when they were safe, would suffer, as it was build on a lie; she had not expected for it to happen so soon.

And it was no use talking to Nori about it, she always ran when she saw Dori approach with a serious and determined expression, or ignored any reminder Dori might give her, be it one to be careful or some words of comfort. Dori did not know Dwalin enough to be sure about him, but she knew that Nori would sabotage everything herself if she decided that she wasn’t good enough or just not suitable for a relationship. In that case all Dori could do was to be there for her sister and hope that she and Dwalin might figure it out themselves.

It even seemed to go well for a time, until one morning Dori was woken by a distraught Nori, wrapped into blankets that weren’t her own. Dressed in too little layers, a too thin tunic and her binder shifted because of sleeping in an unfavourable position had left her dangerously close to letting everyone see that her body was not shaped, as one would expect from a Dwarf.

And when Dori led her away to help her out of sight of the company and took out her sewing kit out of her pack, she got to see what Nori had managed to do to her clothes. Dori had always tried to make their binders as comfortable and sturdy as she could, yet Nori’s was twisted and out of place, with some of the laces torn.

Part of her wanted to be angry, and Dori did rant under her breath as she worked to fix it and replace all torn or too old laces, while Nori leaned against a tree, arms crossed over her chest and only barely keeping herself from snarling at her sister.

Yet she also understood that this had been going on too long, and that if Nori didn’t keep away from Dwalin, she’d grow careless enough to expose them all. 

“Just until we’re safe, just until Erebor”, Dori promised after helping Nori lace the binder so that it was firm and made her chest look flat under her shirts. 

The look Nori gave her in response was one of someone who had resigned herself to never get what she hoped for no matter what she tried.

“Do you really think this will improve anything? You and me are stuck.”

Dori couldn’t think of a reply to that, so she wordlessly packed her things and returned to the camp. 

At least her sister stopped going near Dwalin after that, and Dori could see how it hurt the both of them. She hated it, hated that she couldn’t do anything about it without risking Nori being chased away for being a liar, or all three of them being thrown out of the company together. She did not know what anyone would do if they knew and she wished she could trust Dwalin to keep quiet. He was loyal though, and surely more to Thorin than he might ever be to Nori in such a short time, and after being lied to.

Dori had a similar problem, with having such a kind and sweet Dwarf showing interest in her. At first she was unsure about how to act around Lord Balin, but he was polite and a good conversation partner, so she found herself warming up to him. She grew to like him more and more, and though she always worried about Nori being careless she did not notice how she became it herself. She couldn’t pinpoint the moment her view on Balin shifted from simply being a pleasant fellow to someone who made her smile with anything he did and gave her a warm comfortable feeling in her heart when she lay awake at night.

She let him too close, too soon, and when he actually asked for her permission to court her…

It was something Dori had always imagined to be part of her perfect life once they were in Erebor and all would be good and as it was before the Dragon came. A fine Dwarf, someone she was fond of and who was of good family and kind, courting her, a slow sweet romance and a marriage. Now it seemed like that was actually coming true, even before all other things had, though it had been the wish she had dared hope for the least.

And she could not accept. She was not who Balin thought her to be, she was a liar and had done all she could to trick the entire company. He would likely not want her anymore if he knew what she had done. It was not illegal even, but as the King’s advisor he might still see it as an offence, if it came to the worst. 

He might not, but she could not be sure, she could not be sure that nothing would happen to her and her sisters if she were to tell him the truth now. 

There was nothing to do about it but to decline.

Balin offered her friendship instead, and she was glad of it, but seeing the look of hurt and worry on his face Dori already knew that she would not be able to keep up her previous behaviour and that she could not bear acting as if he had never proposed without her guilt weighting her down. All she was doing was because she had wished to protect her mother and sisters as well as she could, but it only ended up hurting anyone else she cared for.

She had seen it in Mirkwood, how much Nori was trying to stay quiet and not come near Dwalin, both of them looking lost. She had seen how Balin was worried about her behaviour but she did her best to avoid him, which only made him more concerned. Ori’s helplessness to do anything about her situation turned to anger soon enough, as did the princes’.

Dori hoped that their stay in the dungeons would not worsen it, and would not leave the Dwarves of Durin’s line to think about it and come to realise that it was not worth it, and that they would not come to hate or dislike her or her sisters. It might be easier to have it happen now, though, than later when they would eventually have to tell the truth.

Clutching the red band from Balin’s jacket she suspected that this would not happen that fast. The princes and her youngest sister were ready to forgive one another for whatever had occurred and for how they had behaved in the forest, and Balin was still fond of her, judging by the gift.

Dori remembered the days of her youth, when she was still a little girl, giggling with her friends and talking about love and suitors and having lovers, as if either of them even knew how it was like. She remembered how sometimes they would sigh about the romance that ended with being gifted a beautifully made bead to braid into their hair, something that happened at the very end of a courting usually, and left no doubt about their relationship.

And she remembered them giggling about more innocent things, such as ribbons, and how daring it was to wear them in their hair and not just tied around the wrist on laced into their clothes. For little girls who never even had a crush, that had seemed near scandalous at the time, though they would have proudly worn them as a sign of having a lover once they were older. 

Dori looked down at the band in her hands, contemplating its length and the material. Her hair was undone quickly, and with a few unlaced cords her tunic was open and her binder loosened. She brushed her hair out with her fingers and carefully set to work on new braids. Her beard was brushed back into her hair more loosely than before, and she replaced her neatly braided style with one of fewer braids and her hair done up in coils, leaving most of it falling down and over her shoulders. She tied it up carefully and twisted the band around the coil behind her left ear, so that she had a ribbon with its ends falling over her hair.

She glanced towards the door and then stood and walked over to the trough to look at her reflection. The blurry image of a Dwarrowdam looked back up at Dori, and she was beautiful, even in her damaged clothes, her unadorned hair shining like mithril with only the faded red as a nice contrast. _Like a ragged princess in disguise_ , Dori thought with a little smile. 

It was the image of what could have been if things were different. She, a beautiful Dwarrowdam, with her suitor’s gift in her hair. It still was quite daring, no matter how mature they both were, seeing as her relationship with Balin was a rather new one.

Not that it mattered. Dori walked back to her cot with a sigh and tightened her clothes again, and did her hair back up in her usual style. She could not bring herself to put away the band though, and it was an easy thing to wrap it around a few strands of hair and braid it along the side of her head and gather it into the knot at the back.

Perhaps they would escape soon, and then Balin would see it? They were so close to the mountain now, if they managed to escape she could promise him to tell the truth very soon and even if that might hurt him, he would be happy to see the gift. If they were caught on their escape it would not matter anyway.

It was three weeks of nothing to do but stare at the walls and wait before Bilbo finally announced that he had a plan, and that it would take only a few days to wait for the right opportunity to carry it out. Dori made sure that her hair was braided properly and that her clothes where tied as sturdy as she could every night, and she was prepared for the moment they could finally be free.

When Bilbo came with stolen keys to unlock the door, Dori might have cried from relief. Bifur and Bombur were already there, and Nori, who clung to Dori’s hand as soon as she had left the cell.

“I’ve already freed some” Bilbo explained as he lead them through what looked like a maze of dark corridors. “I didn’t want to lead everyone back and forth so I left them along the way. Hurry, please, I can’t guarantee that some guard won’t come along here anyway.”

They followed the Hobbit as quietly and quickly as they could, keeping close together and trying not to make too much sound each time another of their company was freed from his cell and joined them. 

Nori looked no worse than any of the others, still a little thin from the month in the forest and her with clothes ragged, but from what Dori could see her sister wasn’t injured or harmed in any way. Yet she held on to Dori as if she could not stand on her own, or as if Dori was the one who was injured. Dori smiled a little at that, and squeezed her hand and let her do it.

When they finally reached Ori, she stood between Fíli and Kíli, all three hugging and holding on another and whispering until they noticed the others. Ori’s smile at seeing her sisters was one of relief and joy, and Dori noticed how she already looked like something wonderful had happened. At least the distance had made them realize that their disagreement was not worth a fight, and Dori smiled in return, happy for her. 

They went on through from cell to cell, hurrying along and not really having time to stop and hold on to each other or be glad to see one another alive and well. 

When Dwalin joined them, Nori’s hands tightened their hold on Dori’s arm, and she looked as if someone had taken a great weight of her shoulders, but she did not say a word or go to him, and he seemed unbothered by that, smiling down at her briefly before they had to run again.

The last to join them were Balin and Thorin, and for a brief moment Dori wanted to hide and not face him. But there was nowhere to go, and she was not some little child to hide from anything that was not even a real threat. Balin’s eyes widened as he saw the band in her hair, and the soft smile he gave her for it nearly made up for all the doubt and worry that had filled Dori’s mind these past months. 

For a moment it all was well, for just a moment there was peace and nothing to worry about, because hiding who they were was the least of their worries, and faced with separation it all had no meaning. For just a little while the previous two months and the misunderstandings were forgotten, and Dori and her sisters could pretend that all was well, that all would turn out fine.

Then Bilbo led them into the cellar and showed them the barrels he meant to use for their escape, and then there was no room for anything in Dori’s mind but for fear, doubt and the realization how ridiculous everything was. This would not work, this plan was leaving them too helpless, but there was nothing she could do about it. Nobody had a better idea, and Bilbo had not found any unguarded exit from the palace, and when Thorin ordered them to do as the Hobbit said, Dori could do nothing but squeeze her sisters’ hands and hope for the best.

The barrel was large enough for her, but Dori clung to the inside hard, clenching her jaw and bracing herself for the water. She did not want to rely on this construction of wood to keep her safe, it was not build to keep a Dwarrowdam inside, it was not build to keep anyone safe, and she did not want to be in the water and swim for her life. 

There was no room left for doubt, as the barrels started moving and then there was a brief moment of falling and then a splash and waves of the river’s water crashing into the barrel and over her head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am very fond of the idea that Dwarves gift each other things that don't carry the significance of beads, but still are seen as something important and intimate when worn in your hair  
> for one possible version of how Dori's feminine style might look like, see here:  
> http://asparklethatisblue.tumblr.com/post/77380220941
> 
> and now I'm getting increasingly worried about whether the resolution will live up to the buildup...


	8. Chapter 8

The ice-cold water dripped from Nori’s clothes, weighting her down even as she stumbled and moved forwards on her own, with slippery but solid rock beneath her boots once more. She could swim well enough, she had been in colder water before and had been dragged around by greater forces than the forest river, but the combination of clinging to a barrel, trying to breath in the short breaks between the waves crashing against her might have been the worst experience she had had to endure in order to escape captivity.

There had been no room for thoughts other than wanting to be somewhere that wasn’t spinning out of her control and might as well push her against rocks on the riverside, or drown her. Trying not to let the motion make her sick and to hold on to something in case the barrel turned so that she’d fall out was all she could do. There were brief thoughts about how her sisters managed, or what Nori would do if… if someone got thrown out of their barrel. Go back and search, perhaps, but that’d come later.

When the current finally left the barrels float steadily, Nori spit out a mouthful of water and looked around, to see everyone else trying to regain their senses or weekly paddling with their arms to get towards the shallow shores. They all were there, even Bilbo who clung to the outside of a barrel, and they all seemed unharmed so Nori stopped paying attention to them and focused on getting to somewhere that was not swaying with every shift of her weight.

Not having to fear for her life and her last meal not staying in her stomach meant that she could now think of the obvious problem the river and the cold water had brought with it. The icy water might have gotten her worrying for getting sick so far away from any place she knew was safe to rest before, but now it was dripping from her hair and her clothes, making both cling to her body. There was nothing she could do about that, no coat or blanket to wrap herself in until it dried.

She was one of the first to reach the rocks at the shore, and she froze for a moment, with the waves sloshing against her ankles. Nori only allowed herself a few heartbeats of weakness, only a few moments to brush the hair out of her eyes and look down at herself. 

The tunics and undershirts that remained on her after the Elves had taken most of her weapons and all that might conceal more had been thin to begin with. She had worried about having to be careful about it before they found better clothes, but now there was no hope of concealing anything. Her breasts had never been that large, but large enough to be seen clearly unless she tied them down, and now her binder was soaked and baggy and did nothing for her. Her tunic clung to them and only stuck to her body once more after she tried to tug at it feebly, and even with her lanky body the curve of her waist and hips was just enough to make her look like a Dwarrowdam, with her hair and beard not enough to hide anything with it.

She was truly exposed like that, and another might have blushed and tried to wrap her arms around her body to hide her modesty, but Nori had never cared for that, might not have come to care for it even if she had been raised like a lady. Their secret was out though, after all she had tried and with how good she had been, they had failed with their goal in view and only a few weeks away from them.

Nori blinked a few times, to get rid of the burning feeling in her eyes, and turned back to the river to help her sisters. 

Everybody else was too busy trying to catch their breath or help roll the remaining barrels towards the shore, but it was only a matter of time before their glances to reassure themselves that everyone was there would linger, and before they’d see that Nori’s body didn’t look as they expected. 

A part of her wanted to hide and crawl into some little crack in the rocks where nobody could see her, a part wanted to curl up in Dori’s arms and have her sister protect her and come up with some way to solve this, like she always had. But Dori was pulling herself up some rocks, a little away from where Nori had, breathing hard and her hair and clothes dripping just as Nori’s. 

Dori had always sewn padding into some layers of her clothes, just in case she lost her jacket or had to strip down, as her curves were harder to hide than her sister’s. Yet even that did not help against the weight of the water pressing her clothes together and against her. She must have realized even before Nori did, as she seemed to crouch against the rocks on purpose, until her sister came close enough to stand before her. Only then did Dori look up, staring at Nori’s hand wordlessly before taking it and standing up carefully.

There was no need for words, they both knew that there was no way they’d get out of this, no way the entire company wouldn’t know their lie in a couple of moments. There was no need to address it, and seeing as they were exposed anyway there was no use in going to their King and tell him what they had done; he’d see for himself soon enough. She knew that Dori’s way to handle it would be to keep her dignity and act as if nothing was wrong, as if all was like before, and Nori knew she’d do the same. How else was she supposed to deal with it?

So far nobody had taken note of the sisters, too busy trying to come to their senses or getting warm again, or perhaps they had but Nori refused to look at anyone’s face. Once Dori managed to wade up into the dry rocks and started to wring the water out of her beard, Nori turned away to look for Ori. She found her a little further down, where the rocks were forming a natural little cove and it’s be easier to get up. The wool and her warm clothes weighted her down more than they had her sisters, and she looked a little dizzy from the ride, but otherwise she seemed unharmed.

But even she suffered the same problem as her sisters, with her clothes sticking to her just enough to reveal her soft chest and her slimmer waist. She might have gotten away with it on her own, but once everyone noticed Dori and Nori their eyes would turn to the youngest and they would be more likely to notice.

Nori skipped over the rocks as well as she could with her boots soaked and heavy, trying to get down and help Ori out of the freezing water. There was no need for it, as Dwalin passed by, after finally getting his own barrel close enough to where he could walk through the water. He lifted Ori up and helped her stand on her own, even with how exhausted he looked and how he swayed with every step, before turning back to walk towards the shore. 

He noticed Nori just when Ori started to stumble towards her, and his face lit up just as it had back in the dungeons, when Nori had not dared leave the comfort of holding on to her older sister.

It was like a knife stab, that smile of his. Nori froze in place as Dwalin turned towards her a little, smiling in relief and joy to see her and with smugness of having escaped the elves and pulling a prank like that. And she wanted that, she wanted to grin back at him and laugh with him about how ridiculous their escape was and tease him about how they both had now been in prison, or to make a lewd comment about missing him, while taking his hand to feel that he was there and hope that he would see that he really _had_ been missed.

But then Dwalin’s eyes turned from her face and he looked down at her, taking in possible damage and the mess her hair and beard was after the river, and seeing how her shirt clung to her body in all the ways it wasn’t supposed to. Nori still saw the brief moment in which his eyes started to widen as he put the pieces together, and she could not bear stay to see his expression when he realized. 

She grabbed Ori’s hand and turned to pull her away, quicker than she probably should on the slippery rocks and trying to act as if all was well. But Nori just could not stand the thought of Dwalin seeing her like this, seeing who she was and _what_ she was.

Ori didn’t complain as Nori pulled her away from the others, and she was glad for the brief moment of not having to look at anyone. She felt tears burning in her eyes again, and she did her best to blink them away. Everybody would notice if her eyes got puffy from it, and that was one thing she did not want to deal with in addition to the other mess.

Dwalin hadn’t seen her like this before, had never gotten any reason to think that she was anything else than a lean little thief. She had never intended him to see her like this, even in moments she hoped she could maybe still be with him once he knew…

Even before Nori had never liked dressing down when she had taken lovers. It was always among the shady kind of folk, where no real lady would go to, and no proper woman would want to be around. Nori hadn’t been the only one in the thieves’ dens, but she had always been a thief and a criminal, not someone you’d expect to just be beautiful. You were pretty and deadly, and that what was made you attractive, not a soft face and wide hips and a broad chest with wellshaped breasts.

Still Nori had never liked revealing too much of herself unless she was undressing to fuck someone in some inn’s room. Being stared at when she wasn’t flirting or tapping her fingers against the few visible knives she carried, or when she was just being idle would only lead to smirks and have her skin crawling in the knowledge that she was a pitiful sight for those who knew that she was a Dwarrowdam. 

She was thin, and often underweight, her hips and shoulders were too narrow and her face was too sharp and now she was dripping water and her clothes were ragged and soaked and she looked like a drowned rat and she did not want Dwalin looking at her.

It was one thing to dress down as much as needed with some random lover she would forget and who would likely not remember her for much later on; one thing to laugh and be drunk and hit the blunt end of her knife against them if a comment was thrown at her as a joke or with the pointy if they dared insult her. Seducing someone she wanted was easy enough, and she never had wanted to have them love her.

It was completely different with someone she cared for as much as she did. She had thought of it before of course, of Dwalin’s hands on her bare skin for once, or taking off her clothes and feel his warmth against her. It hadn’t taken long for that thought to be accompanied by dread. She did not care for what anyone thought that much, but she had not wanted for anyone to look at her and want to keep her before.

And Dwalin had known that she wasn’t the best person before, but now he saw just how much of a fraud she was, along with everything else. How could anyone want her like this, for more than just an affair?

She walked and tried to keep her head high and not think of it, and tried not to hate herself for all her confidence leaving her as she felt Dwalin’s stare on her.

Dori took Nori’s other hand when her sisters came close, pulling Ori into a hug with one arm, and Nori closer so that she could rest their foreheads together with the other. They stood like this for a moment, glad to be back together, and Dori squeezed Nori’s hand a little, waiting for her sister to nod and compose herself a little.

She managed to ignore everyone’s looks afterwards, and push all thoughts of Dwalin aside. They ignored everyone but themselves, while trying to look as if all was fine. Dori helped Ori wring the water from her scarves and clothes, and Nori emptied her soaked boots out into the river.

Of course she knew that they were looked at, but there were more urgent matters than them for now. Like getting somewhere warm before nightfall, and finding food and shelter. Very soon Thorin decided that they had to make for Laketown, a little settlement of Men that was on their way to the mountain, and which Nori knew very little about.

As they walked, she saw the looks out of the corners of her eyes, as one by one everybody saw that they had Dwarrowdams among the company. She saw what mostly was confusion, shock, disbelieve. She saw Thorin’s expression change into what she might have taken for anger once, but now recognized as his default when he did not want to show his feelings. She saw him and Balin whispering and she did not know whether it was because of planning what was to be done about the company, or whether they were trying to decide what to do with the sisters. 

She saw understanding crossing Óin’s face as he figured out why the three had behaved in certain ways during the journey, and Bofur opening his mouth as if to say something about it a few times but Bifur tugging him along and preventing or or Fíli’s look of mortification and Kíli’s of disbelief.

She was careful not to look at Dwalin.

Dori was taking it all with a quiet dignity, ignoring the looks completely and being her usual self, even with her clothes still clinging to her and dripping water. Ori seemed actually fine with all, though she did sometimes glance at Thorin with a nervous expression.

Nobody said a thing the entire time, holding their tongue as they walked and shivered in the cooling air. Once they reached a gate and a bridge leading towards a town build on the water, Thorin and Bilbo walked ahead to speak to the Men and see whether they would be welcomed, while everybody else waited.

Even in the brief moments of just standing around and doing nothing, nobody dared say a thing, perhaps because they thought it should be Thorin who handled the situation. At one point Nori noticed how Dwalin was edging closer towards her, reaching out, and she pressed herself against Dori’s side, away from him and tensing up until his hand lowered and he stepped back and away from her.

Soon enough Thorin returned and they were led into the town of Men. Nori had never liked little ones as this, as they were common in the North. There was no other race there, nobody passing by and it was exactly the sort of place Nori had hated as a child, exactly the sort of place the Dwarves of Erebor had no choice but going to and had left her mother scared and her sister in need to hide for the first time.

Dori must have thought it, too, and both of them tried to shield Ori from view as they passed the cheering crowds. They didn’t even know what their own company might decide was to be done with them, better not have the tall folk notice that they were women and treat them differently either.

There were speeches held and the leader of the Men’s town talked to Thorin, and there was more cheering for the Dwarves and their return, and there was talk of heroes coming to reclaim the mountain and restore both their Kingdom and the town of Men to former glory. Nori did not care for what they talked, and she could not imagine much glory coming from a place that was so cold and smelled of fish. 

They were handed blankets and coats that were too big, and she was grateful for the warmth and being able to hide in something wide and oversized. There was food for them, and celebration, and even with so much noise, her exhaustion and the fear for what was yet to come Nori felt a little bit of joy returning to her. She ate quickly, stuffing her mouth will all they were handed, glad to have something that was both warm, and filling, with more than just to keep her from going hungry as they had gotten from the Elves.

Dori managed to throw her one disapproving look, and for one moment it felt normal, as if all was like before. But then Nori noticed the glances thrown her way, with the company still staring but also not wanting to show that something was wrong in front of the Men. Nori’s heart sank at that, and she tried to take larger bites afterwards. Who knew, maybe Thorin would not allow them to come along, and maybe the Men would not be as hospitable with three little outcast Dwarf-women?

It must have been near midnight by the time the feast was over. Nori had not paid much attention to the Men and what they told Thorin, but she did hear about the house that was offered to them. It had been prepared for their use while they had eaten, and their were offered all they needed until the point they’d have to set out and go for the mountain.

They were shown the rooms and where everything was and then the Men left after Thorin insisted that they did not need their service any further. It left the Dwarves on their own and in a quiet place for the first time since Dori, Nori and Ori had been exposed.

Everybody turned to look at them as soon as the doors to the house closed and the sound of the people outside died down. Nori had never crouched to anyone, and even now she resisted doing more than subtly shift so that she was not facing them as well.

_Don’t look at me_ she wanted to scream, but that’d be useless. Of course they were staring, and it wasn’t just at her, she was not the sole centre of attention now. There was nothing to see with her wearing the too big coat anyway.

Nobody said a word, and some threw glances at Thorin, who in turned kept looking from the sisters over at Balin. Nori did not blame him, this wasn’t something he likely had encountered before and there probably was no lesson in methods of dealing with members of ones company turning out to be Dams in his Kingly education. 

“Well then-“ Dori was the first who spoke and her voice sounded as if she was merely discussing going to the kitchen to make some tea. “-This has been a terribly long day and I imagine that we are all very tired. I suggested we all find some dry bed to sleep on and gather or strength for tomorrow. Good Night.”

She grabbed both her sisters’ hands and turned to pull them away and nobody stopped them. Nori heard some muttering and she knew that there would be words first thing next morning, but for now nobody would hold them back. It was a relief and simultaneously made her stomach feel like it was tied up in knots.

Dori found them a room quickly, with only two too large beds and under other circumstances Nori would have found herself a separate room. Now she wanted to be by her sisters’ sides though, and she was afraid what she would do if she were alone, or who might try to sneak in and try to have a talk.

The second bed was only spared one glance and after kicking off their boots the three climbed up into the one closest to the window. It was a little narrow, with the bed being much larger than one Dwarf would need but still not intended for three. They cuddled together and curled up with their arms wrapped around each other though, and that was good.

It was warm and dry, and the room was spacey and did not have them locked away and it was the softest place Nori had slept in ever since leaving Beorn’s house. Usually she would have fallen asleep immediately, with how nice it was and how exhausting the day had been.

The pillow was damp and it took the soothing murmuring behind her and her sisters’ hands petting her hair for Nori to realize that she was crying. She sobbed once, then bit her lip and clung to what she could reach of both of them, and with tears still rolling over her cheeks she fell asleep with both her sisters by her side and holding on to each other as if they were all they had in the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry...? I keep feeling like I'm doing this wrong  
> Nori had all her life to overthink. Also, what I meant her problem to be is one that I wasn't even sure how to describe without her having some self-awareness. I don't really know how to describe this at all either. maybe... she never had that moment to get used to growing up and becoming a woman, and she never really was anywhere were the people weren't either her family or people who weren't nice and didn't care, so all 'teenage insecurities' she developed never went away


	9. Chapter 9

The morning was a quiet one, and Balin was up when the sky just had started to light up. Most others seemed to be asleep yet, or again after wandering out to find a bathroom or the kitchen before returning to sleep some more. After the escape and the welcoming party the night before, especially after having spend two months constantly exhausted and later trapped, they all were tired and could use the proper rest. 

Balin had things to do though, like go through the remains of their equipment and think about what else they would be needing. The Men were hospitable and eager to help and provide them with food and clothes, but the Dwarves would have to be careful as not to seem like they would only live of their hosts and give the impression of just using them.

Thorin was the first to enter the common room and not go back to sleep right away, so he and Balin set to work out how soon they would have to leave Laketown, if they wanted to arrive at the mountain with enough time to spare, and how much provision they would need. The contract had made it through the Mirkwood, the cells and the escape, and it lay in a corner of the table, carefully folded, with only the bottom part, where their names were signed, visible.

It took a surprisingly long time before Thorin finally pushed away the parchment, on which they had written what they needed, and pulled the contract closer. He glared at it, and then rubbed his eyes with one hard, frustration in every line of his body.

“Who’d have guessed,” he muttered, and Balin knew how he felt.

There, on the line up of their names, were three, written with the same ink but as different as one could get. The careful and clear letters of a merchant and trader who was used to signing their name, the clumsy and deliberate scrawl of one who barely knew who to write, and the practiced but messy stroke of a scribe who was too used to writing quickly to care for how pretty it looked when nobody was going to have to decipher it later on.

Dori, Nori, Ori, sons of Kori.

They weren’t though, and part of Balin even questioned if he could accept a contract as such. Another dismissed the thought immediately; it did not matter, they were here, their name and that of their parent was correct and the contract was still binding.

Not that this was the problem.

“They were very careful about it,” Balin replied. He hadn’t suspected a thing, and even Óin had admitted that he wouldn’t have known what little clues there were without actually being told what to look for.

Thorin looked exasperated at that. He had enough to deal with, and just keeping the company safe and intact without added secrecy was difficult enough. 

“But why? What reason would they have for the disguise? I understand wanting to dress as a Dwarf when on a journey, but they lied to _us_ , too. Surely they knew that Dwarrowdams could join on the quest?”

That much was true; Thorin would have permitted it as long as there was no family left behind, or too young children in need of their mothers, who couldn’t be taken along. Even so, they had barely gotten the few Dwarves they had to join.

“I am sure there was a reason for this,” Balin shrugged. 

He thought back to what he knew of Dori and her family. They had moved to the inner districts of Ered Luin some decades ago, apparently, a hard working tinker and merchant and his young brother, with a third who barely spent any time within the Blue Mountains. Balin hadn’t met them, but he knew some who mentioned them in passing. 

“They certainly seemed to have been doing this since long before we even started planning the quest.”

Thorin looked down at the contract, frowning but eventually he titled his head.

“Do you see any way in which their behaviour might have caused the company any harm?”

 _Yes_ , Balin thought. It had caused confusion and arguments that might have been avoided, and heartbreak, judging by his younger brother. _But no_ , that was personal pain, and nothing compared to what else might have happened.

“I don’t see how,” Balin said. “And if there might have been, it didn’t happen and they did not cause any problems they wouldn’t have if they were men.”

Thorin nodded at that.

“Then I don’t see why we should punish them for this. I would have preferred to avoid this mess, but otherwise their disguise has had no impact on the actual quest. See that we get that cleared up and that the company won’t go about telling everyone of it.”

It took quite a while to gather everyone in the common room, with how everyone was slow to get up or wanted a big proper breakfast first, but Balin made sure that they all stayed and waited until everyone was up, and called for everyone who still slept to come out. Bilbo has a mild fever from spending the previous day in icy water, so he kept dozing off on the couch, wrapped in a layer of blankets, but everyone else sat and waited.

They all knew what it was about, of course, and Balin heard some whispers about how the brothers of Ri weren’t what they had seemed to be, and guesses about _why_ they had lied to the company being thrown around.

Balin ignored them all, choosing to just patiently wait and not come up with theories. It was useless to do so, he knew from experience, and there was just too much he didn’t understand or wouldn’t have thought of, so it was better to have the sisters explain themselves.

They were the last to arrive, though they must have heard everyone calling for a gathering. Perhaps they had guessed that this would be about them, and decided to avoid being stared at as much as possible and draw out the moment.

Dori had found them all more or less fitting clothes, and though they all were too big, she managed to look elegant in them. Her clothes were a deep red and she had tied them off with belts at her waist and with cords at her sleeves so her hands were free, and while still very neat and perfectly braided, she had left her hair fall loose over her shoulders. Those were working braids, and ragged clothes, but she looked as if she had never been anything but a Dam of high standing, the perfect picture of a Dwarrowdam’s beauty, and Balin knew that he wasn’t the only Dwarf who’s eyes widened at the sight. 

Nori’s choice of clothes seemed to be as many layers as she could manage, and she looked tiny in the too long robes and tunics she had found herself, nearly disappearing in them and looking vulnerable and fragile. She wasn’t, as Balin knew too well, and even know her crossed arms brought her hands close to the seams of her gown, were she no doubt had already managed to hide some sort of weapons.

Only Ori seemed to be as ever, wearing some of the new clothes and her old scarves, looking just as she always had and not showing any visible changes from how they had seen her before. Even her face was relaxed, only showing some worry when she glanced at Thorin, where Dori looked to calm and composed to be anything other than put-on, and Nori’s eyes kept darting around the room in suspicion, her entire posture strained and ready too make a run for it.

Thorin stood before them, just watching and waiting for either of them to speak first, but as neither did he decided to cut the silence himself.

“You are aware why we called for a gathering?”

Dori glanced at her sisters quickly, then nodded.

“Good. I can’t pretend that I understand why you felt the need to keep up your… disguise, but I do not believe that this matters now. I have thought about this and I can’t find any way in which this might have put the company at risk, apart from certain arguments that happened because of this.”

Ori ducked her head at that, sheepishly, but Thorin went on.

“Despite this, your actions didn’t cause any further damage and I do not think it is up to me to punish you for something that may or may not have happened. I would expect to you sign the contract again, before we leave for Erebor, for accuracy.”

Thorin turned to the company.

“I would also ask you to not mention what had happened in front of any of the Men of Laketown, they shouldn’t know that we managed to be tricked like this. No matter what happened, Dori, Nori and Ori are to be treated as regular members of the company, I want to hear no complaints from any of you about how this wasn’t honest, or from them about how they are treated with anything less than the respect they earned on this journey.”

That last bit was accompanied by a hard glare at the company, and he only went on when everyone had nodded or muttered their understanding.

“Only one more thing,” Thorin’s eyes skimmed over all three before eventually falling on Dori, who, as the oldest, was responsible for her family.

“No more secrecy. We are only few weeks away from Durin’s Day and I cannot have unexpected turns and revelations within my own company so close before an uncertain end of this quest.”

He watched Dori before who took a few seconds before bowing her head.

“There isn’t anything else, my Lord,” she said, tone as calm as if Thorin had asked her about the state of their provisions and nothing more.

“Good. Then everyone is dismissed. We will meat in the evening and start discussing what equipment we have to replace, until then, rest and regain your strength. Any injuries you haven’t showed Óin yet will be found, so don’t try to escape him.”

The company started getting up and moving back to their rooms or to the kitchen, all barely daring to steal a glance at the sisters after Thorin had demanded that they were to be left alone. It wouldn’t hold, of course, sooner or later the curiosity would overcome them, and with a restored easy camaraderie the questions would come. For now, it was enough that the three were allowed to stay.

If that had surprised Dori, she barely showed it. She watched Thorin return to his lists with an unreadable expression, before gently tugging at Ori’s sleeve and saying something about having to repair her boots. She looked deflated somehow, where Ori looked as at ease as she ever had, with the worry of being sent back to Ered Luin gone. Only Nori showed no sign of relief whatsoever, looking even more tense than before. She glanced around the room once more, shoulders drawn up and eyes narrowed, before darting out of the room and away from everyone.

Balin saw how Dwalin made a move to follow her, but then reconsidered and joined Thorin instead, with a defeated expression, and how Fíli and Kíli started whispering, with a familiar look of terror and guilt on their faces. That wasn’t something Balin wanted to deal with now, he knew that his younger brother would deny that anything was wrong and he could not give him any advice with the situation, and he had no patience to go and figure out what the princes had done.

He wasn’t sure what he thought about all of this. He had liked Dori, and he knew he still did, but he couldn’t make any sense of it. Dori had been a pretty merchant, a gentle soul and pleasant companion but fierce in battle. Now… 

Balin was sure that not all of it was a lie, that Dori was still the same as before, with only one thing that hadn’t been true about her, no matter how big a thing it seemed. There had to be a reason for this, and Balin knew that he’d not condemn her, whatever it was. 

Everyone would have to get used to this, but whenever Balin tried to question how he felt about it, all he could think of was how easy it had been to talk to her, and how much he had enjoyed just being near Dori before asking for a courtship and having her reject him. Though, that explained it really, and was far less personal than any other doubts Balin had had before.

There was no use thinking about the same things over and over again, and question Dori’s behaviour without actually talking to her, so Balin joined his brother and Thorin to discuss what weapons they would need for the rest of the journey instead. He tried to ignore the need to go and ask Dori, deciding to let her be, and occupied his mind with anything but her and her sisters until early afternoon. 

Nearly everyone had taken something from the kitchen during the day, eager to eat what and when they wished to, and enjoying food that wasn’t prepared by Elves. But when Bombur started preparing a proper warm meal, with loads of meat and more traditionally Dwarvish ingredients, just as the ones he had made before they had reached the forest, everyone came to have some of that anyway.

Nori wasn’t there, though Balin had caught a glimpse of her grabbing some of the cooked meat and some bread and escaping through the window before Bombur could notice. Bilbo decided to stay in bed and rest, so Bofur took a bowl to bring him some of it, but everyone else gathered for the meal. Except for Dori.

Balin hadn’t seen her anywhere near the kitchen all day, so it couldn’t be that she had already eaten and wasn’t hungry because of that. It worried him, but he wasn’t sure if it was up to him to go search for her, if she just wanted some privacy. 

“I don’t think Dori knows what to do,” Ori told him when Balin asked about it. “My… my sister always was so cautious, and now she doesn’t have to be anymore. But she will be all right, Dori always is.”

Her words sounded as if she barely knew how to use them, and Balin wondered whether Ori had ever referred to her sisters as such. Nothing about her behaviour had changed, but Ori seemed to startle a little when one of the company called her ‘lass’ instead of ‘lad’ as they used to, before remembering that this was all right now and relaxing again.

She was as ever, barely even looking any different with her being too young and her hair too short to make a difference with how she wore her braids, and that made it easier for all of the company to pretend that nothing happened and be awkward while trying to avoid being just that. Nobody was quite sure how to deal with the surprise yet, but Ori was still just Ori the scribe, and that was easy to remember.

“Can you please talk to her, Mister Balin?” Ori asked quietly after Balin hadn’t replied at once. “She liked you and I’m sure you’d understand her? Dori needs to talk, I think, but I’ve never been good at this and it all went unspoken for so many years between us.”

She chewed her lip nervously as she said that, looking up at Balin with worry in her eyes.

“I will do that, lass,” he promised, unsure about whether he really was the right one to do this, and to ask Dori about matters that surely were very private. The thought of a faded piece or red fabric braided into pale hair crossed his mind. But perhaps Ori was right; perhaps Dori needed to talk to someone not as involved as her sisters, and would prefer to do so with Balin rather than anyone else.

He excused himself from the table, asking Bombur to leave enough for at least two servings in the large cooking pot, and went to search for the oldest of the sisters. Unlike her thieving middle sister, he doubted that Dori would have hidden herself too well, or even left the house at all.

He found her sitting on the ledge that went around the house like a slim walkway, her feet hanging over the edge as she watched the lake. There weren’t many houses right before them, and what few bridges connected them were empty of people and didn’t obscure the view on the late autumn sun reflecting on the water.

“May I join you?” Balin asked as Dori shifted her head slightly at the sound of his steps. 

She nodded and Balin carefully sat down by her side, but leaving enough space between them.

Dori watched the water, not saying a word and her expression still composed, so Balin waited for her to show any reaction or to start speaking herself. Without being sure how she was feeling he wouldn’t do anything, lest it came out wrong or would only make her feel worse about everything instead of comforting her.

“I hope you understand some of my actions now,” Dori said after a few minutes of no sound but the waves below them and the noises of the town being heard. “Why I couldn’t make a promise before? It simply wouldn’t have felt right without you knowing even a little bit about the truth.”

Balin nodded, not interrupting her, and Dori took a shaky breath, curling her hands around the coat’s fabric on her lap.

“I didn’t really believe that all would go smoothly, or that Thorin would simply let this slide should he find out. I was certain that all of the company would take us for liars and untrustworthy, and hate us for not even trusting such close friends.” She closed her eyes, and Balin noticed how her lashes stuck together slightly, as if she had been crying. “I was sure that you wouldn’t wish to be betrothed to me after finding out either.”

Balin thought about protesting, and telling her that while this was unexpected and shocking, he didn’t feel any different about her. Perhaps, if their courtship went on long enough that he’d have expected her to trust him, or when he’d have thought that they were close enough to know anything about one another, but not after so little time and under these circumstances. She was still talking though, and Balin knew that she would feel better afterwards, and that there would still be time to reassure her.

“I had to do this,” she explained, “After so many years I had hoped to finally drop this farce in Erebor, I had not considered what all of you would think of me once I did that. I had not considered that I might be courted by anyone. But Erebor is a fresh start, and if not there, I would never get the chance again.”

Finally she turned to him, eyes seeking out Balin’s and her expression pleading.

“I don’t expect to be forgiven for lying, and I am not sure whether the company will truly accept this, but please, don’t blame my sisters for this. And don’t think that I did it for some personal gain, or because I _wanted_ to, I wouldn’t even try to explain myself if that were the case. If anything, I pushed my sisters into this, especially Ori, but Nori never did anything either!”

“I wouldn’t blame any of you,” Balin insisted, slightly surprised at the urgency in her tone. “The company respects you for who you are, and we all know that you are capable fighters, none of us will think any less of you.”

She looked relieved at this, and Balin noticed how her face showed sadness, now that she wasn’t trying to keep it blank. 

“But _why_ did you do this, if I may ask?” he said, softly, ready to leave her be if she didn’t wish to talk now.

“You can…” she nodded before looking slightly to the side guiltily. “Though, you as the King’s advisor might take offense at this, perhaps.”

“I won’t,” Balin promised and shifted to face her more.

“We had it very hard, after Erebor fell,” Dori started, eyes distant. “Not as hard as some, I think, but I was very young, and Nori was a little child, too, we had nothing but a few gems and my father’s present for me, jewels and ornaments we had in our hair, all that was left of him. We had to sell them eventually, just to survive.”

Her eyes shone as she talked of this, but she did not cry, just stared stoically over the lake. Balin knew that look too well, had seen it on Thráin’s face, when the King had to sell the crown that had once belonged to his dead wife, or on Dís when the princess had nothing more than sturdy travel clothes and had to give away the first thing her brother had ever made for her, a delicate chain of silver and lapis. So many of the riches they still had from Erebor, sacrificed for their survival. It had hurt, and not because the once proud folk was growing poorer with each lost piece of gold, but because it was the only memory of home they had, the only thing they saved that once had belonged to a loved one, or had been made by their ancestors.

“It was just my mother and us, at first, and with nowhere to go, and nobody knowing where everyone else would settle, we just wandered. So many did that, and so many tried to find any sort of work with the Men. My mother was alone with two daughters, and that was hard enough, but then…”

Old fear flickered over Dori’s face.

“My mother had always been beautiful, even in her grief. There were so many who would have wanted her for a wife, even if just to claim that they had one, and to have a family of their own. And so many thought that a gentle weaver like her could just be pushed around, that she would not dare to complain as she couldn’t defend herself or because she relied on what little she could earn to help both me and Nori. They tried to cheat us and use our situation to their benefit, even the Dwarves.”

Balin had heard of this, of Dwarves that only wandered and were not welcome in most Kingdoms for one crime or another. There had been little they could do about this back then.

“They wouldn’t do this when they thought that she wasn’t alone, that she had a son who was able to cause lasting harm if anyone dared to do something. And the Men were funny about Dwarrowdams or just any women on their own, but they were just much easier to deal with, when they thought that I was the head of the family.”

Dori gestured over her body and sighed.

“It was easy to pretend back then, and Nori was a wild child, most Men assumed she was a boy anyway, and once we decided it was safer it was easier to let everyone think she was just a little boy. Later I became really good at hiding what we were. We were on the road most of the time, and even if somebody found out they would have thought that it was just a travel disguise. I went along with all of it, I had to make sure that my mother would feel safe, at least, and that none would harm Nori… I always thought it would be different, once we settled down in the Blue Mountains.”

“You didn’t though?”

Dori shook her head and looked up at Balin again, apologetically.

“I believed that the King’s new settlement would be a good place, and safe. We all believed that everything would be better, and we only wanted to wait a little longer, to find a house and look for any place we could have worked in. But it _wasn’t_ safe, there still were Dwarves about that frightened my mother, there still were those who would have thought we are an easy target for being Dams, or those who’s have hassled her, me and Nori once she started getting older. I know it was supposed to be safe, but it didn’t feel like it.”

 

“Once time started to pass by, we couldn’t drop the disguise, we couldn’t because it wasn’t safe and I don’t know what might have happened, I thought it would only get worse because soon everyone stared to know us, and we’d have been marked liars by them, they didn’t know us well enough to understand. Then the war came and it grew even less safe, with little guards and everything getting nearly as dangerous as it had been outside of the mountains. I couldn’t reveal anything, I might have lost my work, and my mother might have, too, and she was with child again! Even when we had more money and were a respectable little family and could move to were it _was_ safe, I couldn’t.”

“I was Dori son of Kori, respectable and honest, and people knew me and I couldn’t drop it even then. I thought I would never be allowed to be a daughter anymore.”

Dori took a shuddering breath after that, and tears glistered in the corners of her eyes. The sight of it gave Balin a pang of guilt. He had always known that, despite their best efforts, it had never been completely safe in the Blue Mountains. He had known that their people suffered hardships and that there were many scoundrels about who used the situation for their own gain. He had never spoken to someone he loved and who was affected by this so much.

“I always wanted to have a chance to be as I wanted,” Dori continued. “But my sisters… We never gave Ori a real choice, we had been so afraid that we’d not be able to protect her where we lived when she was born. She always said that she was fine, but I always feared that I was taking so much of her with this. And Nori had to disguise herself at the worst possible point in her life….” Dori said no more about that, but the guilt on her face spoke volumes of what she thought of all of it.

“I had hoped that they could have a choice, and be happy once we were in Erebor,” she said, “But I couldn’t even protect them on this quest.”

 _That isn’t true_ , Balin wanted to say, but he understood what she meant. He had seen the sorrow on Nori’s face when she and his brother avoided one another, and the fighting between Ori and the princes before they reconciled, right before the escaping with the barrels.

“I don’t think there is anything you could have done to keep your siblings from heartbreak,” he said instead and she sighed. “No matter what the situation is like otherwise.”

“It didn’t help though.”

They sat in silence for a little while, and while Dori looked incredibly exhausted, there was also some calm about her, and she seemed to be more relaxed than before.

“I am sorry,” she said, and her tone sounded primmer than before, a little as if she was hiding again but Balin remembered that she had always talked like that when feeling more at ease. 

“I do not know what you must think of me now.”

“I think,” Balin said and took her hand. “That I have fallen in love with a most remarkable and strong Dwarrowdam.”

She looked up in surprise.

“You really… after what I have just told you?”

“I will take some time to get used to this,” Balin admitted. “I rarely had to deal with changes such as this. But all I see is the Dwarf I have loved before only being so much stronger and kinder than I thought.”

“I’m really not…” she started but Balin interrupted her.

“I cannot imagine how hard it must have been for you, yet here you are, strong through all of it and still concerned about your sisters and others, though you clearly have enough weighting down on you already. I don’t think I might have found a better person to love than you.”

Dori blushed at the words, and that looked pretty on her, too. She stared at Balin before her lips twitched up in a smile, and she quickly looked away.

“You know how to flatter someone,” she said.

Balin felt a weight lift of his heart as her fingers curled around his. Dori seemed all right again, and it had been way too long since he had seen her smile.

“Perhaps this isn’t the right moment,” he started “But once we have Erebor, would you consider whether you might want me to court you again? By then everyone will be less confused or caught off-“

“Yes!” 

Her fingers clenched around Balin’s hard enough to hurt for a moment, but it was brief enough that he barely noticed with that answer.

“Are you sure? I would want to give you time to really-“

“The only reason I didn’t agree the first time was because I didn’t want to lie to you,” Dori interrupted him again. “And now that you know, the answer is yes! If you would still have me?”

“I would be a fool if I didn’t.”

They smiled at each other and Balin lifted Dori’s hand to kiss her knuckles, causing her to smile widely.

“Then I’m glad,” she said and shifted closer to him.

They didn’t say a word afterwards, though Balin felt as happier than he had at any point of the journey, feeling her right by his side, and they sat at the ledge, holding hands and watching as the sun descended and painted the sky and the lake in orange and red.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a tad anti-climatic perhaps, and I struggled with writing Balin here, but this is not the end, there's still more chapters to come! this might have been my least favorite to write, or perhaps it's just a mild writer's block... thanks you all for sticking around and putting up with me complaining though!
> 
> I decided to go with the book-canon here, as far as the time spent in Laketown goes (they do imply that it's much shorter in the movie), mostly because I planed this before DoS came out, and while I might have though something new up, changing plot in a WIP makes me more nervous than any of the other things about unfinished stories. ^^'
> 
> I'm pretty sure next chapter will have Fíli's story
> 
> (also side stories, once I'm done here, i have 3 ideas already but who knows...)


	10. Chapter 10

Fíli’s thoughts on Ori the scribe had been complicated in the best of times. He liked the boy well enough, had been a little pleased that Kíli and him weren’t the youngest Dwarves, and he had liked what little he noticed of him when Ori was actually talking and not lost in his journal, something that made him seem unapproachable sometimes.

Ori was pretty enough, but often hid beneath his layers of knitted clothes and a scarf, he liked to tease and participate in whatever silly games the other Dwarves came up with, and sometimes he ignored everyone and seemed to be absent minded enough that one of his brothers had to nudge his pony into the right direction, lest he get lost.

Fíli was never quite sure whether to like him, or be amused by his quirks, or want him for his looks or just the companionship, which was pleasant enough once you knew when to talk to him and about what. Early on the quest Fíli was just content to watch Ori when nobody was looking, unsure about whether he even wanted to figure out in the first place.

Then Fíli wasn’t sure whether he wanted to make a move once he noticed that Ori watched them back, and once he realized that Kíli had beat him to making up his mind, and had developed a crush on their scribe. He didn’t want to take away Kíli’s chances just like that, even after Kíli whispered to him that he wouldn’t mind sharing or having it start or end in just a friendly tumble. If Ori was interested in the sort of thing, of course.

It was fun to tease Ori and see how he would react, it was fun to come up with ridiculous ways to catch his eye and make him blush, the most fun Fíli ever had during the journey, and he found himself growing fonder of Ori as they did so.

Fíli hadn’t really hoped for Ori to _actually_ want either of them, let alone both. But Ori did, and Ori seemed to like whatever the princes had in might, until he rejected them.

It would have been understandable if this was too quick for him, or if he was afraid of what the others might say, or even if he was one of those who wanted a stable relationship before doing anything. But Ori offered no explanation, and all Fíli and Kíli worried about seemed to not be the problem. He just rejected them and instead of staying and asking them to stop and not do that again, or anything, he fled, leaving them alone.

Fíli had been rejected before, by both people who laughed in his face, or weren’t interested or who’s intentions had been misread by him, and he was used to it, he could handle something like that and only rarely did he end up with worse than just having to get over disappointment or hurt pride. What Fíli _wasn’t_ used to, was getting this far with someone he actually really liked and then being dismissed, and what he wasn’t willing to let slide, was how Ori’s behaviour had put a look of misery and heartbreak on his brother’s face.

He felt a pang of hurt, too, but that was quickly brushed away in face of wanting to protect his brother. He would always be on Kíli’s side, unless there was hard proof that he was in the wrong, and even then he’d support him. But Fíli had not seen Kíli do anything wrong, or at least anything worse than he had, and Ori had certainly enjoyed what they had done, before suddenly reconsidering.

Perhaps it might have been better to wait a little bit, for things to cool off, but it was hard to avoid someone in such a tiny company, and soon enough Fíli found himself glaring at Ori more than not, each time he caught his eye or noticed how Kíli watched him with a sad look. And then Ori went from being sheepish to snapping at them all the time, and Fíli couldn’t keep his mouth shut and snapped right back.

He knew it was childish, knew that it wasn’t helping him or Kíli or doing anything to make Ori trust them again, knew that the entire company was already on edge from the Mirkwood and that the constant arguing was only getting on their nerves even more.

He had plenty of time worrying about it and regretting his words and actions once they were all locked into separate cells in the Mirkwood.

He shouldn’t have pushed Ori. Should have gone about it slower and actually flirt and show clear intentions earlier on, he should have asked Ori what he wanted way before actually starting a clumsy seduction, and he should have swallowed the hurt and listened to what Ori wanted to say, or at least accept it if there was no explanation. Even with Kíli being heartbroken there was no excuse for how he had treated Ori. Even with _him_ being heartbroken he should have kept his cool.

Even Bilbo reassuring him that Ori forgave everything and hoped they could settle the matter later didn’t help much. Fíli worried about how rude he had been, and how he shouldn’t have acted the way he did, and no concerned Hobbit would distract him from that. 

It nearly drove him mad, sitting in his cell and thinking it over with nothing else to occupy his mind with.

By the time Bilbo finally came to free them, Fíli was nervous about what Ori would say, and whether he hadn’t just been polite. He was glad that Kíli was there, already, and they clung to each other’s sleeves as Bilbo lead them to the place where they would wait for all the others. 

Ori was waiting for them, and as soon as Bilbo had scurried off, he grabbed both of the brothers and pulled them into a hug. And that was nice, just clinging to one another and apologizing quietly and insisting that there was nothing to apologize for.

Fíli’s heart nearly hurt from what he felt at that moment, the relief about Ori still liking them, and forgiving them for all, and to just hold him close and feel him against his body. Even if Ori didn’t care for him like that, or if he only would ever consider loving Kíli, this was enough to make Fíli feel content about all of it.

They parted, once the others arrived, and couldn’t be close together for the rest of the escape, but for the first time in two months Fíli wasn’t second-guessing each of his actions, and didn’t feel like he had made some horrible mistake. 

That was, of course, until he tumbled out of his barrel and into dry ground, to look around for everyone else and notice Ori, and have his smile freeze on his face.

Dripping water and clothes soaked and plastered to their bodies, Ori, Dori and Nori didn’t look like Fíli would have expected. Ori’s hips were too wide compared to the softness of the waist, and even with the thick layers the tunic curved around breasts, small, but _there_.

They all looked like that. 

Fíli didn’t know what to do with that information, and judging by the surprised looks of everyone else and Kíli gaping in shock, he wasn’t the only one.

How could it be that three of the company – and one of them someone who was very dear to Fíli – had been Dams all along and nobody had noticed? Why would they have gone through the trouble to hide it? Surely this was a misunderstanding; surely there was an explanation that was at least somehow reasonable?

Nobody else made a comment or approached the three about it, and Fíli didn’t want to be the first one. It would be rude and he’d seem foolish, and what could he really ask apart from ‘You’re a Dam?!’? 

Nobody said anything on their way toward the Town of Men, nobody asked about how the brothers were actually sisters, nobody addressed them directly as they were welcomed and given food and a house to use while they stayed in Laketown. 

The sisters looked tense and uncomfortable, despite being left alone mostly, and as soon as they entered the house Dori dragged them away to find a room they could stay in.

The rest of the company started whispering nearly immediately, and the same questions that had crossed Fíli’s mind were spoken out loud. Why had they done that, why hadn’t anyone noticed, what were they supposed to do about that? All along with Bilbo carefully asking about what the problem was, and questioning Bofur about the women of Dwarves. He had noticed, of course, but he wasn’t sure just how much of the situation was confusing to the Dwarves as well and how much was actually common.

Before anyone had even managed to throw in some suggestions or guesses as to why everything was like this, Thorin put an end to the whispers.

“That is enough,” he said, waving them all off. “We had a hard day and what we need now is rest, not guesses and useless talk.”

He sent everyone to go and claim a room or place to sleep for the night, and everyone obeyed, postponing all the talks for a later time. Fíli and Kíli found a room that suited them both soon enough, with one bed that was a little narrow but still good for two Dwarves.

“Could Ori really be a girl?” Kíli asked wide-eyed, as soon as they were under the covers and Fíli shrugged. 

They had seen it, it must be true, but he couldn’t quite believe it himself. Perhaps it was all wrong, perhaps all would be as it was supposed to be, once they had rested and woke up the next morning.

It wasn’t, not at all. 

Thorin demanded that everyone should treat the sisters with respect, and it was obvious that they themselves had started behaving differently, too, now that there was no need for a disguise anymore. Dori wore her hair in the most beautiful yet still simple braids, the kind that their mother had sometimes worn when she had the time or wanted to look like a proper lady in places where she needed to keep it out of the way. She dressed like a lady, too, but apart from a very content smile barely leaving her face, Dori behaved the same as before, at least.

They barely saw Nori at all, but she seemed to doubt Thorin’s words, or just not want to be subjected to questions that _would_ eventually come, and she disappeared and hide Mahal knew where most of the time.

And Ori… Ori was a girl, and that was just such a strange thought. Sometimes Fíli found himself forgetting it, with how she barely showed a difference to how she was before. She didn’t dress much different than he’d have expected her to, when he still thought she was a boy. She reacted to being called a lad, when someone of the company was absent minded and didn’t remember. She wore her hair as before, though Fíli assumed that it might be because it was too short to do much with it.

And _still_.

After the initial shock passed, both Fíli and Kíli started to realize what they had done.

They had behaved like they would with any other Dwarf, with those they trained with or joined to explore the mountains or hunt. Even if they liked Ori, even if Ori was a capable fighter but really more of a scholar than anything else, they had treated him like one of the boys. 

Which was absolutely no way to treat a young Dwarrowdam. 

As soon as that thought had crossed Fíli’s mind, he felt his stomach twist. This wasn’t how he was raised to behave, this wasn’t how his mother and Thorin had asked him to be like, this wasn’t how a crown prince should _ever_ act. With the friends he had trained with and along whose sides he had learned how to fight, it was different, there they were equal. But he would never have treated any girl like this, so crudely and without any proper courting, or even a semblance of it.

Hadn’t Fíli been taught to never disrespect a Dwarrowdam? Hadn’t his mother always tried to make sure that both he and Kíli knew what was right and what was wrong? Wasn’t it especially crucial to always be courteous to Dwarrowdams, with him being the crown prince? He couldn’t just go and have an affair with one, without showing her the respect, he couldn’t really _be_ with any Dam casually, as there always was the slight chance of her getting pregnant and him having to claim the child? Because abandoning a bastard would be the worst, and Fíli wasn’t even sure if he could ever, even if that child would then be part of the line of succession.

Kíli didn’t have to be just as careful as Fíli, but he, too, had been raised by Dís and knew just how wrong their actions had been.

Ori had forgiven them, but she had thought that nobody would find out what she was, surely she realized that now she could demand to be treated as a Dam, and hold them accountable for all of this? 

Which only meant, that Fíli was completely in the wrong, more than anyone, and that Ori had done nothing that was worth apologizing for. 

It frightened him, and he wished to apologize, and beg her to understand and promise that he would never do that again, that he wouldn’t have done it in the first place, that her actions made sense now. It frightened him even more, that he expected her to ask them to never approach her again, and how much even the thought of that hurt him.

There wasn’t a moment of quiet though, and somehow Ori seemed to be occupied or in company each time Fíli and Kíli tried to talk to her alone. She looked at ease, from the moment on when Thorin had said that they would not be kicked out of the company, and spent her days just as before.

Fíli had never realized just how much Ori was around other people. She would sit and write her journal in a quiet corner, but always somebody else was there, be it Bombur working in the kitchen or Bifur sitting down by her side to fiddle with some blocks of wood.

Dori was around her a lot, talking to her about this and that, or trying to fix some fault in her new clothes. Dori didn’t seem to hover just around Ori as much as on the journey, always there to help with anything from preparing the food to repairing weapons, and she was direct as ever, holding her chin up proudly as if nothing was wrong, and occasionally Fíli would spy her and Balin in some quiet corner, or holding hands and doing nothing else. That was something that might have amused him before, but now he was too worried about Ori.

Sometimes Ori would talk to Balin about one thing and another that she wanted to write in her journal, at other times she would sit by Bilbo’s side, once he felt better, and question him about all that had happened in the Elfking’s dungeons and the brief moments of him being on his own in Mirkwood. She would help Óin reorganize his kit, when he was complaining about supplies and medical herbs disappearing only moments after he restocked them, or she would be asked to lend a hand by anyone.

There were moments when they didn’t have anything to do and most of the company where out in Laketown, but Ori wasn’t sitting still and wandered around, trying to find out where Nori was hiding during the day again. And sometimes neither Fíli nor Kíli could spare a moment when they noticed that she was alone in a room, which barely ever happened.

The worst was Dwalin, who seemed to always decide that he _needed_ to be there when Ori was alone in some room and only writing her journal, always sitting in some corner and glaring at the princes when they walked in, but showing impatience as if he was waiting for something and wanted them gone for that.

One or two times Fíli had felt like yelling at him, or point out that Nori would not walk into the room to talk with Ori while Dwalin was there, and that she would notice why he was there either way, so she’d stay away even more.

But that wasn’t fair on him, and Fíli was sick of letting out his frustrations and fears on anyone around him. That wasn’t a mistake he was keen on making again.

It made both him and Kíli feel more antsy by the hour, but there was no way they would have such important discussions when someone might interrupt them or overhear what either of them had to say.

And it wasn’t like Ori was showing any signs of wanting to talk to them in private. She wasn’t actually avoiding them, addressed either of them casually all the time, to ask whether they knew where her sister was, or if they could maybe pass her the quill she had left on the other side of the table. Perhaps she didn’t even _want_ to talk to them at all, and this was just politeness? She hadn’t changed any other part of her behaviour after all.

After about a week, things started to grow less busy and most started to spend their time just enjoying walking through Laketown or watch the Lonely Mountain in the distance.

Fíli had wanted to spend the morning on sharpening his knives and repairing their sheaths in his boots, when Kíli barged into the room.

“Nobody’s here, but Ori’s in the common room. Alone… I think we could, maybe, try and talk to her now?”

He sounded so nervous when he said that, and Fíli’s throat immediately felt dry. He couldn’t back off though, he had to face the situation and Ori’s possible scorn, and go and do the right thing by assuring her that their behaviour would not be repeated. 

He put away his knives carefully and stood, following Kíli towards the common room and trying not to think about anything that could go wrong.

They found Ori sitting cross-legged on the big couch, and instead of writing or drawing in her journal, as Fíli had expected, she had a big piece of polished metal in her lap, along with a few ribbons, some of them tied into her hair, examining her reflection with some curiosity. It was too short to do much with, really, but with new braids, pushing it out of her face and held together by purple laces, Ori looked incredibly pretty. She always did, but Fíli had never seen her with a style like that, and it suited her.

She looked up as the brothers walked up to her slowly, but didn’t climb from the couch or look as if she wanted to be left alone. Ori waited before they stopped right in front of her, looking from one to the other and taking in their serious expressions and their tense stances, but only raised her eyebrows and didn’t say a word, waiting for them to start.

“We wanted to…” Fíli started, trying to get it out before he lost his guts.

“We came here to apologize for everything!” Kíli finished for him, and they both glanced at each other, unsure about how to proceed.

Ori made a little ‘oh?’ sound but still just sat and watched, not making it any easier, even if there was no anger on her face.

“It’s about how we treated you, the entire journey and especially before we entered the Mirkwood,” Fíli went on. “We shouldn’t have done that, we shouldn’t have tried to be so crude and we shouldn’t have taken any offense or…”

“But that’s ok!” Ori interrupted him “I already told you that it was a misunderstanding, and I don’t mind at all.”

She looked like she meant it, too, but Fíli couldn’t just let this pass. 

“It was a misunderstanding between Dwarves, but you’re not… you’re a Dwarrowdam and we shouldn’t have treated you like this.”

“It was rude and neither of us would ever have behaved like that if we had known before. That’s not…” Kíli sighed and glanced away. “That’s not how Ma raised us to behave. That’s not how heirs of Erebor are supposed to treat someone they are so fond of.”

Ori looked at him in surprise and Fíli glanced at his brother, wondering about how many hopes he might still have. It didn’t matter though.

“I don’t really understand what you mean,” Ori said slowly, looking from one to the other.

“Just because you never were treated like a Dwarrowdam deserves it doesn’t mean that such a behaviour can be excused,” Fíli explained. 

He wondered if Ori had ever even been in a situation where she wasn’t surrounded by scoundrels or Dwarves who didn’t care for her, from what he heard Balin say, Ori had never even lived as a girl. She probably hadn’t ever been near boys, with how Dori tried to keep all a secret, which meant that she was a virgin, and her first intimate encounter was the one she nearly had had with Fíli and Kíli.

The thought of it made Fíli’s cheeks burn in shame and guilt. That only made it worse, really.

“I promise we will never repeat such a behaviour again, we will treat you with respect and keep our distance. I promise that, on my honour as the heir of Erebor.”

Fíli bowed his head, his braids swinging forwards and hiding Ori from view, but he saw Kíli do the same next to him out of the corner of his eye. A little overdone, maybe, but he felt like that was not even near being appropriate enough for how he felt about all of it.

For a few moments there was silence, and then, to his surprise, he heard Ori laugh.

“I don’t want that,” she said in between giggles, and as the brothers looked up she had put aside the mirror and scooted off the edge of the couch, jumping down and getting on eyelevel with them.

Ori took their hands in hers, looking at them with an amused and a little shy smile.

“You don’t understand, we…”

Ori shook her head.

“I though you acted weird, and I hoped it was _just_ you being unsure about how to handle the surprise.” She blushed. “I hoped it wasn’t that you decided you wouldn’t care about me now that you know I’m a Dam…”

“We’d never!” Kíli started but she silenced him with a look.

“I don’t want you treat me differently just because of that, though! Please, I really don’t want you to! I don’t _feel_ different and I don’t want to be treated differently! At least not by you.”

Fíli and Kíli shared a look, unsure of what to say to that. 

“This still doesn’t excuse how we behaved,” Fíli said.

Ori groaned at that.

“Can we just forget it? Can we start over and pretend that this never happened? It’s an embarrassing memory!”

She tugged at their hands, looking first at Fíli then at Kíli.

“You do… like me, right?” 

It sounded nearly shy and Fíli could only nod, while Kíli was quick to reply with “Of course, you’re the sweetest Dwarf I’ve ever met!”

She laughed again, and with a pang Fíli realized how much he’d have missed that sound.

Ori let go of Fíli’s hand, using both of hers to interlace her fingers with Kíli’s. She smiled up at him, blushing as she leaned closer, and after a few seconds of stunned silence he leaned down to meet her lips with his. It was a sweet kiss, chaste and they looked adorable together. 

Fíli was happy for his brother, he really was and he understood that Ori might like him more, he himself had treated her worse after all; even if that was forgiven easily it wouldn’t be forgotten just like that. He turned his head, unwilling to stare as Ori and his brother shared a moment, but before he could fully turn away there was a sharp tug at his braids and he was pulled back.

Fíli had no time to react, before there was a mouth pressing against his, and he was being kissed.

“What-“ he managed to say when Ori loosened her grip on his hair, and Fíli could pull his head back a little.

“Insufferable prince!” Ori said before tilting her head up and kissing him again, harder this time and with their noses bumping together uncomfortably. 

Somewhere Kíli was laughing at him, but Fíli couldn’t bring himself to care as his arms wrapped around Ori’s waist automatically.

When Ori finally let go, she didn’t pull away from his hold, and Kíli joined them, curling his arms around all of them he could reach, still laughing quietly.

“I wouldn’t want to choose,” Ori said, and for all her boldness from before her cheeks were now flushed and she looked shy as she glanced up from underneath her lashes. “I-if the offer still stands of course! Not now at least… or… or maybe not ever?”

Fíli gaped at her, then glanced at Kíli who just smiled and shrugged at him.

“Yes,” he managed to get out then, and Ori hugged him closer at that, nearly pressing all air out of his lungs with unexpected strength, which wasn’t made any better by Kíli deciding to do the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cute fluff with the Babies?


	11. Chapter 11

The rain was falling hard outside, forming a steady curtain of grey and making every Man and Dwarf, who didn’t absolutely have to be outside, stay inside by the fire. 

With only a few days left before the company would be leaving Laketown, there was nothing more left to do with preparations, so some dozed off, others just gathered in the common room for a quiet game of cards, Bofur made them a mulled wine, Bilbo prepared snacks and Ori and Fíli were reading through her journal, sitting so close that their braids swung against one another’s each time either moved. 

Dwalin had a mind to tell them to keep it less obvious, or at least make their intentions clear before Dori or Thorin decided to have a word with them. Then again, he truly couldn’t bring himself to care about what they did or what happened to them at the moment, as far as flings and love affairs and possible consequences went.

Outside the rain obscured the view on Laketown, and even the nearest houses could only be seen as dark blurs, and Dwalin briefly wondered whether the lake’s water level could rise high enough to swallow up the town. 

The water was dripping of everything, a steady stream sloshed down from the roof, the noise that was somewhat muffled by the walls, was drowning out nearly every other sound as soon as one took a step outside. Nobody would wander about outside if they could help it.

Dwalin hadn’t gotten the chance to speak to Nori in all the time they had stayed in Laketown, hadn’t managed to catch her on her own, had only seen glimpses of her now and then, with her looking at him as if he had done something terrible to earn her scorn, and he didn’t even know what.

Ori only smiled at him and told him that she didn’t know, and Dori only seemed sad and apologized on behalf of her sister, not saying anything more, when he asked them. At least that meant that Nori hadn’t thought to tell them of any such thing, even if that might mean that he simply wasn’t important enough to talk of.

There was nothing he could think of that he might have done differently. He had respected it when Nori demanded to be left alone before Mirkwood, even if it hurt him. And Nori had looked at him with such sadness and longing all the way there, had seemed so relived to see him in the dungeons, had only shown signs of affection or hurt no matter what.

It had ended the morning after the truth came out.

She was defensive and avoided everyone from that point on, and it couldn’t just be because she didn’t want them to know of her secret. Neither Dori nor Ori behaved that way afterwards, and Dwalin couldn’t think of any reason for Nori to get so defensive. 

Of course everyone had been surprised and shocked and unsure about what to do. But nobody had given Nori cause for being so mistrustful; nobody had insulted her or treated her with condescension. Or at least Dwalin hadn’t noticed anything that she might have perceived that way, and neither of her sisters seemed to have that problem.

Was there something about Dwalin that made Nori think he would harm her or not want her anymore? She had seemed fine before the discovery, why would she think he would be that much different with her being a Dam. He treated both her sisters just as he had before, after all, she shouldn’t have a reason to think that Dwalin would treat her badly, especially not after what Thorin demanded of them.

Balin had said some words about Dori’s reasons for all of this; not much, but enough to make Dwalin wonder whether Nori was perhaps afraid of him. What if she thought him to be like those people who had driven her mother and sister to being so afraid?

But Nori was a criminal herself, she knew these types of people and Dwalin had never acted in any way to suggest he was like that. And she hadn’t shown traces of fear before her secret was revealed. Besides, one did not go and offer to suck the cock of someone who might be a potential threat.

Whatever it was, Nori had not even given Dwalin a chance to talk to her, had not given him a chance to do anything about their relationship, or ask her whether she still cared about him, or just ask whether this was the reason she had acted so strange, and why she had decided to fool around with him at all.

She was good at climbing and running and hiding from anyone, she was a thief yet she hadn’t been locked up for too long through all her life, which meant she was good at avoiding any kind of confrontation. Dwalin supposed that Laketown was perfect for hiding; the many roofs were close enough that one could leap across the gaps and hide between the decorations and not be seen by anyone who stood below.

With the deluge outside, that would be near impossible though, and Dwalin didn’t think that it could be easy to hide there, no matter how good one’s climbing skills were.

The House given to them by the Master was large though, and had enough hiding spots to remain hidden inside if it was necessary. It would be much easier to find someone here anyway, if they couldn’t leave the house and didn’t want to confront any of the company’s members who were inside as well.

Dwalin had searched everything before, when he had still hoped that Nori might be hiding from him inside, so he knew some of the possible hiding spots. He started his search quietly, not telling anyone where he went. First he checked the pantries, even those that were empty or too small to be comfortable for long.

Then he checked the room the sisters had first chosen as their own, and some of the ones that went mostly unused. They would have been good spots and ones he would have chosen himself if he just wanted a comfortable place where it was quiet. It also was a bit too obvious and Nori would not have wanted anyone to walk in on her.

The house had many storeys, and the highest one was unused, filled with dust and really nothing more than an attic, where the Men had stored broken furniture and old baskets and rugs, only to forget about them again. 

There was a tiny balcony at the furthest end of the stairs, and an old door, which lead to that room right opposite of it, but none of the Dwarves really wished to climb up for the sight. Dwalin himself had only found that place on accident, when he had gotten desperate and wondered whether he should dare climb through the windows and onto the roof.

Now it was the best place to be alone. Hardly anyone even knew or cared about the attic, nobody was likely to walk up and search it, and it was large and empty enough to not be too uncomfortable with the dust, it had some windows for light and the roof was waterproof, so it would be dry and warm and still out of the way.

Dwalin walked upstairs slowly, pausing briefly before the door and carefully pushing it open, ready to stop should it make a screeching sound or should someone be inside, who had no qualms about attacking. Nothing happened though, and when he stepped inside he managed to be as silent as was possible with heavy boots on the hard wooden floor.

The attic was filled with the dim light of daylight being drowned out by heavy clouds and rainfall, and the steady noise of the raindrops was louder, so close under the roof.

Nori was perched on the windowsill of the largest window on the far side of the room, her arms resting on her knees. She was nearly disappearing in her wide coats and jackets, and only her fingers were visible underneath her too large sleeves. It was impossible to see anything through the rain, but Nori was sitting still and looked outside.

When Dwalin was only a few steps away, she finally heard and startled out of her idleness, her head turning towards him. As soon as Nori realized who was there, her face darkened.

“Go away,” she said, her tone cold.

“No.”

“Sod off, Dwalin! Can’t a Dwarf get some peace and quiet in this bloody house?”

Dwalin didn’t turn back but stared up at her, and though Nori’s face had twisted into a snarl, she didn’t make a move to leave either. After a while she realized that Dwalin was patient enough to remain where he was for as long as it was needed, and she leaned back against the window frame with a sigh, curling up a little more.

“You’ve been hiding long enough, past time you actually talk to someone,” he told her but she only scoffed at that.

“I do what I want and when I want it.”

“Neither of your sisters behaved that way, and you are part of the company. Whether you like it or not, you have to behave like part of the group either way. You can’t crawl into some nook and not come out!”

“Well, I’m not my sisters and I will fight by your sides, and follow where you go, I don’t need to spend time in your presence or talk or be nice to you. Was not part of the contract, you see.”

Dwalin took a few steps closer, still too far away to even be within touching range, but he noticed how Nori’s eyes fixed on him and how her hands curled in their sleeves. She had knives there, no doubt, and he knew she would use them if she felt threatened or justified in it. Maybe even if she wasn’t, but felt like lashing out just for the sake of it.

“You still have to explain yourself.”

“I don’t see why.”

Dwalin gave her a look and Nori just shrugged, sneering down on him.

“I don’t owe _you_ any explanation. Go ask Dori, I bet she told everyone anyway, she was the one to plan everything; I just did as she asked me to. If you want information, or a why, then I can’t give you more than her.”

“I don’t mean the disguise. Why are you avoiding me?” he snapped, but she just sneered.

“If one’s avoiding someone it generally means that they don’t want to see them? Did you consider that?”

“You said we would talk eventually, in Erebor, after you don’t have to hide anymore! Well, now is the bloody time.”

“I changed my mind.”

Dwalin took another step closer, growing angry at her tone. Her left hand was curled into her sleeve though, and he didn’t want to have to fight Nori now.

“I got the impression that you cared for me.”

“Well, you were wrong.”

Nori’s tone was light, and she said it as if she really meant it, as if it was nothing important at all. It made Dwalin’s chest feel cold inside, but he pushed that aside and glared at her. She was lying, she had to be, with how she had acted and looked at Dwalin before. He might be slow to gauge people’s reactions at times, but he was certain that he hadn’t imagined hers.

Nori waved him off, leaning against the window and away from him.

“I don’t want to have anything to do with you. There was never was anything about you that would interest me.”

“Yes? You sure did make that impression with your mouth full of my cock,” he hissed. 

Nori’s head snapped around to glare at him, her eyes wide and nostrils flaring, and Dwalin regretted what he had said immediately. He had wanted to talk to Nori, and have her come back or at least _speak_ to him again, not have her grow even angrier and this time for reasons he could actually point out.

“Nori…” he said, and his voice sounded pained enough that she didn’t snap at him right away.

“You said you cared for me, you said you were sorry when you wouldn’t let me touch you and when you decided that you and your sisters would be saver if you kept away from me.”

He walked closer to her, close enough that he could reach out and touch her, and that he had to tilt his head up a little to look at her. Nori didn’t react or tense up at least, and she was listing to him.

“All this time, in the forest, I did as you asked, I didn’t come close, I didn’t even talk to you. You looked miserable all the time and I felt like it at least. It hurt, but I did it anyway. I expected nothing from you, didn’t push it, but I expected to at least have an answer. I wanted to hear an explanation for whatever you do.”

Dwalin put a hand on the windowsill, and Nori nearly twitched away, pulling her legs closer against her body so that he wouldn’t touch her accidentally. She looked nearly afraid at that.

“I am sorry. For that, I mean,” Nori told him with a sigh. “I know it’s not nice to be ignored and all, but I had to-“

“I know,” Dwalin interrupted her as she started to get defensive. “You did that for your sisters, and that’s good. But after the river… why? Even after Thorin demanded that we treat you as before, and with your sisters happy and safe. Why did you get so withdrawn? You barely even _looked_ at me! After everything!”

She gave him a pitying look.

“Sorry to lead you on like this,” she said and now she was smiling, just a twitch of her mouth that nearly looked believable. “I shouldn’t have offered… I just…”

She shrugged and turned away again.

“You wanted more from me? Well, sorry to disappoint, but I’m not up for some quick fuck we’d both try and forget later. You had enough as it is.”

Nori didn’t look at Dwalin anymore, stubbornly staring out of the window again, and he watched her face carefully. She looked hurt, somehow, though not for anything he had done, it seemed.

“Who said I want that?” he asked her. “I haven’t wanted just a quick fuck for long before we reached the Mirkwood.”

“What, you wanted me for a lover? A thief, son of no one important and a scoundrel who sees what he wants and then takes it?”

“You _knew_ , you must have…” Dwalin wanted to reach out and touch Nori, but she was still tense and sat as far from him as she could, and he didn’t want to push his luck.

“I did… I’m sorry, if that’d been the only problem I’d have laughed and ignored everything. It was silly to ever believe… I didn’t really think ahead, it seemed. I just know that _now_ it won’t be happening anymore.”

“Nothing changed, why wouldn’t it…”

Nori gave him a look as if he were an utter fool.

“I don’t care about you being a Dam,” Dwalin said. “And everything else is the same.”

She was still looking at him, and Dwalin wasn’t sure what to make of her expression.

He thought about what he knew of her past. She was a criminal, and had been amongst criminals before, and perhaps she felt like he was a threat, and even more so because there was no honour among thieves that might have reassured Nori of him not being a threat between them.

“Do you think I would treat you differently? I know you too well, you couldn’t have faked _everything_.”

“What if I did?”

“No. You still wouldn’t have hidden away like you did. Do you think any of us would be a danger to you? Did you think I would take advantage of you? Nobody could do that with you either way. And Thorin said we have to treat you as before, why would you think… Are you afraid of me?”

Nori scoffed and shook her head.

“I could fight you and win or get away.”

“Then why are you so careful to keep a distance?”

He gestured at how she had slowly slid away from him, and Nori tense, her eyes suddenly showing real fear.

“I’m not afraid of… I’m not,” she insisted, but her voice sounded too weak now. She looked up at Dwalin, and it was as if they were back in the Mirkwood, with a distance between them and Nori’s eyes full of sorrow.

“Knowing that I’m a Dam changes everything,” she said, before quietly adding. “It always did.”

Dwalin felt a flash of anger in him, wanted to hunt down whoever had made Nori think that, but he tried to keep calm, lest she thought the anger was directed at her. She was already eyeing him wearily and it wouldn’t help in this situation at all.

“How?

“Look at me,” she said, and it sounded tired. There wasn’t much to see, with how many layers Nori was wearing, but she went on anyways.

“I was always taken seriously because I was good at what I did, and because I had my knives and wouldn’t let anyone believe that I was too weak. When they thought I was a man, it didn’t matter; they were mostly drunk and whoever flirted with me thought that I’m a lean little thief. When they did know… Well, I had my knives and a reputation, and that was all they cared for. I was _too_ lean and little though.”

Nori’s hands were visible again, and for a moment Dwalin thought she’d reach out for him, but she only dug her fingers into the coat over her knees.

“I’m not stupid, Dwalin, I know that I’m no proper lady, and not the sort of person anyone would want their daughter to be, and I’d never be the first pick either.”

Dwalin wasn’t exactly sure what she meant. Of course, nothing about Nori seemed to be ‘proper’ as far as Dwarrowdams went, but she wasn’t what anyone would try and raise their son to be either.

“You’re still yourself,” he said. “It makes no difference.”

“Really?”

“Yes, I loved you before, and I still do now. I don’t care about anything else.”

The laugh Nori let out at that was the saddest Dwalin had ever heard, and she seemed to sag against the window.

“You won’t be saying that for long,” she replied.

“Why, there’s nothing about you that would make me reconsider.”

“That’s because you don’t know anything about me.”

“I do!”

“Not really. What would you have me do? Be your lover until you realize you can do better than me? I can’t offer you anything. I’m not a proper lady, I won’t change into one anymore. I can’t be useful as a wife of some fine Lord, and am not the sort of pretty soft thing to have by your side, I am too thin and small to be of any use bearing children either. As a Dam I can offer you nothing and I won’t stick around until you realize that.”

Dwalin gaped at her, trying to understand what she had said. It didn’t make any sense to him, none of it. Nori stared at him for a few moments, and when he didn’t reply she leaned back against the window, smiling and her eyes shining slightly.

“Go away, Dwalin, I’m sorry that I’m not what you expected.”

She was turning away again, and Dwalin reached up, covering her hands with one of his and put the other on her shoulder, she startled, but at least she didn’t lash out but only stared back at him in shock.

“What do you even think a proper Lady is? That’s not… I said I don’t care about that! It’s still no change to before…”

“As a husband it would have been different-“ Nori started again, but he didn’t let her finish.

“You never were proper in any way, who cares whether you’re a thieving Dwarf or a thieving Dam? That doesn’t change anything. I wanted you, I didn’t care for what anyone would think even before, and I don’t want some highborn lady who’s suitable for court just for the sake of it. I never cared for politics at all. Ask Balin, nobody in this family ever cared.”

“Balin has Dori and she’s the best one could-“

“It wouldn’t have stopped him if she were tall as the Men and with barely any beard, none of us would have said anything! Thorin’s sister married a miner and nobody said anything about how she should do better as a princess.”

Nori shook her head as he spoke.

“You would regret this anyway. I’m not a pretty Dam, and never was. It’s actually quite lucky that I never could dress and live as one.”

“Who told you that? Wear a dress if you want, or don’t, keep these rag forever, I don’t care, I’d still want you.”

Dwalin’s fingers curled over Nori’s and he raised his hand to brush it across Nori’s cheek. She was cold under his palm, but her skin and beard were as soft as the last time he had gotten to touch her.

“You don’t need to look like Dori to be pretty.”

“No, but I’m not attractive anyway. You haven’t… You haven’t seen me.”

“So? You’re not some fling, it doesn’t matter.”

Nori looked tired now, and she was leaning against Dwalin’s hands.

“You’d only stay for a while. Sooner or later you would realize that I’m nothing, once you actually have a choice again.”

Dwalin squeezed her hand and tried not to show any of his annoyance and anger. He _would_ have to find the ones who had done that to Nori.

“Is that what happened before?”

She shook her head.

“I never had anyone I loved and wanted to stay. It was always just a quick thing, and I know they’d have picked someone else if they had the choice.”

“And you love me and think I’d leave? I wouldn’t, I love you.”

Nori’s cheeks flushed and she puller her legs closer.

“You will reconsider.”

“I won’t.”

“You’ll realize that I’m not worth it.”

“You’re worth anything I could give.”

“I’m too small.”

“You’re not the smallest Dwarf I’ve seen, and you are strong, you’re a fighter and can even hold your ground against me.”

“I’m only really desirable as a Dwarf, not as a Dam.”

“You’re not, I still want you.”

“Wanting someone is not loving them.”

“I know, I love you.”

Nori’s protests grew weaker and she leaned against Dwalin, her breath shuddering. 

“Stop doing that,” she said. “You will change your mind, I know you will.”

“Will you shut up about that already!”

Nori huffed as Dwalin’s fingers tightened, briefly strong enough to hurt. He wasn’t even sure what Nori’s problem was; only that she clearly had issues he didn’t know how to deal with. At least not now, not with words and not being sure what would make it worse or better. For now, it had to be enough to just have her stop doubting.

“I won’t leave you,” he promised, and as she looked up it seemed like she wanted to believe him.

Nori sighed and curled against Dwalin, his wrapped his arm around her shoulders to support her.

“Fine…” 

She didn’t sound like she was entirely convinced, but it was a start, they would have time to talk it through later.

Dwalin carefully put his hand under Nori’s knees and lifted her up in his arms, away from the window. She didn’t protest and she was easy to hold like that, relaxed against him and cuddling closer. She sighed, and her eyelids fluttered, with her barely bothering to keep her eyes open anymore.

“When was the last time you slept properly?” Dwalin asked her and received a noncommittal mumbling as a reply.

“Right…”

He carried her out of the attic and back into the house. The corridors were dim and from the sound of it, everyone of the company had gathered in the kitchen, so they met nobody, thankfully.

Dwalin walked to the room he had chosen for himself; a small one with little furniture but a good view on the town and a bed that was comfortable enough, if a little high for his tastes.

When he pushed the door open and closed it behind him with a kick, Nori looked up to see were Dwalin had brought her. Her gaze fell on the bed, and she tensed.

“I’m not up for a fuck,” she hissed at him, frowning and looking rather irritated.

“What about any of this made you think I’d want to fuck you now?” Dwalin asked, feeling his annoyance surge up again.

He put Nori down on the bed, and she let him push her against the pillows and take off her boots, before he kicked off his own and climbed in after her.

“Sleep here, if you want to,” he told her. “Don’t spend the time hiding.”

Nori rearranged the pillows slightly, then stared up at the ceiling, thinking. Finally she let out a sigh and turned to curl up against Dwalin, her hands curling against his shirt and her legs tangling with his.

She looked much more relaxed and at ease than Dwalin had seen her since their escape from the dungeons, maybe even longer, and when she didn’t protest, he wrapped his arms around her to pull her closer. She didn’t even mind when his hand brushed against her hip, and this was really the closest Dwalin had ever got to hold her. It shouldn’t make him happy in this situation, but he really didn’t care.

“I would still rather have you leave me alone now, instead of leaving once you realize you don’t want me,” she mumbled against his chest.

Dwalin pressed his face into her hair, and brushed his hand over her neck.

“Sleep,” he said, not willing to argue about it again. 

He’d have to prove it to Nori, prove that he loved her and that whatever reasons she had for thinking that he would leave weren’t valid. She was here with him though, and for now that was enough.

Only a few minutes after they had lain down, Nori was asleep. Dwalin tried to pull a blanket over her, but they were lying on them awkwardly, making it hard to tug them out from underneath them, so instead he just curled his arms around her tighter.

The rain had lessened a little, but it was still dark outside, and Dwalin held Nori close, and listened to the patter all around them, resting contently for the first time since before they had entered the Mirkwood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh wow... this chapter was both one I really was looking forward to writing, and dreaded because I wasn't sure _how_. *shakes fist at Dwalin*


	12. Chapter 12

It was quiet in the camp, or maybe it just felt like it was after the battle, with everyone being too tired to make more noise than an army made anyway. Dori was barely injured, she only had scratches and bruises that would fade soon, and pulled muscles that would heal with time and rest she could have very soon, it was nothing a strong Dwarrow couldn’t deal with easily.

Their King and their Princes hadn’t been so lucky, and they weren’t supposed to move, even if they actually managed to, with all of their injuries weighting them down. It was warm inside the tent, where Fíli and Kíli lay, and Dori had made sure that someone would bring more furs and firewood, in case the temperatures dropped even more while they were outside of the mountain.

The healers had pushed the two cots together, making one bed for both of them, once it had been noticed how it calmed them in their pain. Now it was occupied by three, with Ori dozing between them, her fingers curled around their wrists. Last time Dori had checked on them, Ori had been busy helping the healers do whatever they asked of her, worrying about the princes so much, that she barely slept.

Dori was glad that she did now, and she took a moment to just stand there and watch the three sleep.

Kíli had been stabbed in the leg and had a mild fever, but Óin reckoned that he would heal well, while Fíli’s head was wrapped in bandages and he had barely been conscious at all. In comparison Ori had gotten away nearly unharmed, only the right side of her face was swollen with dark bruises and her lip cut, from where she had been hit by some stray Orcish shield. 

They looked peaceful now, and even in their sleep and with how the little space surely must be uncomfortable, they huddled even closer together. Dori had worried a little, about how they might still be arguing, or just not return to how things were before. But she had seen them in Laketown and in Erebor, had seen Kíli swaying Ori in his arms as they giggled and shared kisses in a private corner, or how Ori and Fíli would spend hours talking and discussing various topics, clearly comfortable and each other’s company even if they argued. 

Even if the romance didn’t last, Dori was confident that her little sister had gained two close friends for life.

There was nothing to do in the tent, all three were cared for and Dori decided that it was best to just let them sleep. She walked out, looking over the tents of the army, and the thin layer of frost that had managed to spread despite everyone running around. It had been trampled to mud, further away from the camp where the battle had taken place, but the cold was enough to make everything freeze again soon enough.

She could see were the rest of the company was, most of them sitting in front of tents, or out of sight but it was clear enough were they were anyway, as they were predictable. She saw Bombur trying to hold a bowl despite his sprained wrist, and Bifur helping him to keep it steady. She saw Óin talking with some Dwarves from the Iron Hills she hadn’t seen before. Bilbo and Bofur were seen wandering about, but all knew that they were at Thorin’s side the entire time, or when he was conscious at least.

Dori noticed how some Dwarves were walking slowly, injured, but still insisting on doing their jobs, or what they considered them to be, likely just to avoid the healers’ tents.

Near the tents of the Iron Hills generals, and the one that was for Thorin, she noticed her other sister. Nori and Dwalin walked arm in arm, near stumbling with every step. Nori had her arm curled tight around Dwalin’s waist, and his uninjured one was around her shoulders, the end of her neat braid wrapped around his fingers, both of them still in their armour, which Dwalin had helped her pick out before.

Both of them were injured, Dwalin had injuries and wounds that would leave scars, and Nori had bruises and cuts, and perhaps some cracked bones. Whatever it was, neither was supposed to be walking, and Dori knew that both only very barely were healthy enough to be left alone by the healers.

They shouldn’t be walking, and it was evident that they wouldn’t have been able to, without the support. Nori’s hands pushed against Dwalin or held on to him when he couldn’t quite support his entire weight after a step. Each time she faltered, he’d pull her closer and brush his knuckles against her cheek to soothe her. 

They were subtle about it, quiet and not doing more, and if Dori didn’t know them she might have taken them for just shield-mates, not lovers. Part of her wanted to scold them and send them away to rest, and not hobble around, but Nori looked so content, and happier than she had in a long time. She wouldn’t listen anyway, and Dori supposed that it couldn’t be that bad, with none of the healers chasing them down yet, and she certainly didn’t want to separate them after all that they had been through.

Dori decided to let them be, but she watched carefully for any signs of distress, ready to change her mind if needed.

“Dori?”

She turned to see Balin walk in her direction. He had a bandage around his head, and one half of his beard had been cut much shorter during the battle, the other not yet trimmed to match, as there hadn’t been time for that. It somehow looked endearing.

“Will you walk with me?” he asked, and Dori remembered that he had promised to take his meals with her, as soon as he wasn’t busy negotiating with anyone anymore.

Dori looked back at where she had come from, to the tent, where her youngest sister was finally resting and asleep, peaceful and calm. She glanced to where Nori had helped Dwalin sit down on some log, and then sat down to lean against him, his cheek resting against the top of her head.

Dori had always tried to keep her sisters safe, had worried about whether she and her mother had been right in what they did. She had worried about whether her sisters would ever get to be happy like that, but Ori had friends, for all her worries, and someone to love, and for the first time Nori had a lover who wasn’t dangerous, someone who had some decency and made her smiles look sincere. 

After all, they were in Erebor, they were safe, had gained gold and glory with the quest, they could do as they pleased now, and her sisters were happy. There was little more Dori could have hoped for.

With a soft smile Dori turned to Balin and took his hand.

“Yes,” she agreed. “Let us walk.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and.... done.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading and commenting and liking this story! It really was a joy to write and your feedback often made my day! 
> 
> though, I do have some ideas for side stories, and if there's anything you'd like to see in this verse, I will consider it!

**Author's Note:**

> what an original title. what a summary. (if anyone has suggestions for a change please share, I never know how to write these things. you can do so here or at asparklethatisblue.tumblr) 
> 
> this was originally supposed to be a simple ask box drabble for a tumblr request, and of course it escalated. tags and ratings will be adjusted as needed.


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